Bet on Patriots

You do fine

Don't do it

Girl, you're transgender.

Quick! You must—

Invest in Nvidia yourself

Let's have beer.

Get out NOW

Don't worry, I am already my own worst enemy!

Hail Satan, bitch

Brush teeth more

Won't get better.

Notice your happy.

Networking, not cybersecurity

Don't marry Sarah!

Drink more Ovaltine!

Not worth it.

Do not piss

This is a cute exercise in lateral thinking and all but will past me know that it is future me talking? Won't matter what the fuck I say otherwise, the little shit won't be listening to any authority figures.

It gets worse

Cherish them more.

I'm you from...

Don't preorder Cyberpunk.

Buy Apple Stock

Mine Bitcoin. Hold.

Transgender, AuDHD, (secret third thing. Or maybe just bitcoin)

..I'm sure my 18 year old ass would process this information in a calm and reasonable manner, lol

You buy 5 bitcoins for $450 each in 2016. It's what you can afford. You sell them for $10,000 each in 2018, timing it decently just before a bigger drop.

Congrats on your $48k.

You got this. Or, Believe in yourself.

1986, buy Microsoft

You need therapy.

Great Simoleon Caper

Start depression medication

Let's see...

don't sell bitcoin

don't sell doge

don't buy restaurant

don't date XYZ

don't date ABC

don't buy restaurant

don't quit place

Learn women's perspectives

Die mother fucker

welp. there it went.

You're a girl

Bitcoin. 120k. 2025.

hail thyself, bitch

Ok, but if you DID buy a restaurant, what kind and why?

Look at this youngin, turning 18 in 2016. Enjoy your knees and shoulders while you can.

2009-2010, you hear about this "Bitcoin" thing for the first time. You remember some old fart telling you about it years ago, but you had no idea what they were talking about and assumed they had mental problems. You decide to download it and start mining it, it doesn't hurt anything. It just uses your CPU to mine them. You let it run and quickly forget about it.
Eventually, you get tired of it slowing your computer down. You have a few thousand coins by now, so you shut the miner down and put your wallet somewhere safe. Then you forget all about it, until about 2021...

I don't have much that my clueless 18 year old self could use. "Brother has Aspergers", maybe to shortsell a company stock at a certain date, or tge government employment program link, which would be a bad idea (I would speedrun losing a job and confidence).

So the first one (no money for stocks, parents that won't listen).

I've never understood why anyone would pre-order anything digital. Were you afraid they would run out?

Compound interest

Do more drugs

"There is nothing."