I have literally never met a person that actually had a 6' height requirement for dating. All of my girlfriends have dated men shorter than them at some point. I was married to a man an inch shorter than me and I had his kid. This is anecdotal and obviously there are some out there with this crazy requirement, but I do think it's overblown online.

When people lead with their insecurities, it's a turn off for most.

The first date I had with my current husband, I asked him why he had the line "I'm close to 6 feet if it matters" in his dating profile. He didn't have a solid answer beyond thinking that's what women wanted. I advised him to delete it because it's leading with insecurity and most women don't give a fuck and the women that DO give a fuck probably aren't going to be good partners anyway.

They don't need to say it, it's all over the manosphere. Most people don't give a fuck and no one should want to date the kind that do.

so:denial.

I've talked to plenty of women who openly admit they wouldn't date someone shorter, including women whom I've dated.

The six-foot minimum thing is a seperate issue, but I think I tend to agree with you--it's bogus and/or disqualifying; though online dating is a cruelty-magnifying machine.

Most men prefer to date women that are shorter than them as well.

Specifically I mean many women's expressly stated prreference for men taller than them, not a 6-ft minimum. I agree with you on your dating advice,but also sympathize with people trying to figure out why they keep getting rejected on-line--the mind will always find a personal reason without acknowledging that online dating is intrinsically horrible.

No, actually, we don't need to conflate being short with being less than six feet tall. Literally the majority of men are under six feet. This is the equivalent of thinking you're fat because you're above a size 0. It's divorced from reality.

Tall women have a similar disadvantage when dating as most men prefer to have partners that are shorter than them.

Dating kinda sucks.

I agree with you. I meant men shorter than their potential partners.

Yup, and you can say that without every man who is dating a taller woman coming out of the woodwork to tell you you're wrong.

Is there a song about heteropessimism I can link here?

lol that’s funny. I get men coming out of the woodwork at me all the time for these kinds of statements.

Hyperbole isn’t a great method when talking about personal preferences like this.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jdh9irHuk-U&ra=m

All I ask for is respect
I don't get it from the state
And I don't get it from men
You take up spaces that aren't yours
Because of history, on whose side?
Oh right, it's always yours

And I just want, yeah, I just want
Not to be needed, not to be looked at
With a menace and the thought of breeding
And it's alright, let's step outside
And you can feel I'd rather
Show my wrath, get spit upon and learn the reasons why

Why can't I walk in the street without men bothering me?
Why does he poison my heart
Control my life from afar?

I'm sick of being sad when I'm alone
I'm sick of being scared on my walk home
I'm sick of being trapped by what you impose
You hear yes when I say no

One step out of line and I'm done
Medieval punishment for saying, I will make you cum
Mosquito, an evil, you suck out all my blood
I'll crush you like the bug you are, underneath my thumb

Wants to get rid of me 'cause he's afraid
Sick of thoughts of me taking his place
Refuse to back down in the eye of your hate
I'll push you right back from whence you came

Why can't I walk in the street without men bothering me?
Why does he poison my heart
Control my life from afar?

I'm sick of being sad when I'm alone
I'm sick of being scared on my walk home
I'm sick of being trapped by what you impose
You hear yes when I say no

When they don't stop, when you say stop
When they don't stop, when you say stop
When they stand too close on the sidewalk
My clothes don't have pockets
And I'm forced to want it
Complain about a condom
I hate you, love you, it's Stockholm
Not your pretty girl, I never will be
Don't look me up and down like I'm a piece of meat
I see how you degrade with no shame
So hear me when I say

I'm sick of being sad when I'm alone
I'm sick of being scared on my walk home
I'm sick of being trapped by what you impose
You hear yes when I say no

I'm interested in guys shorter than me. I have friends who dated/are dating men shorter than them.

Any preference is just that. People don't get involved with people they're not compatible with. In fact, you won't be romantically compatible with most people you meet, and a lot of the reasons will be things you have no control over.

I know men who openly admit they wouldn't date someone heavier or taller than them either. It's not a source for complaint though, because no one owes you their romantic interest.

Hell, post a picture of an overweight woman anywhere on lemmy and see what happens. Post a picture of a short dude and compare comments.

I’m a tall woman who has dated mainly shorter men. There are two types. The ones who put their arm around your waist proudly parade you around in public (makes you feel like a supermodel).

And the ones who are quietly furious and take it as a continuous personal insult that you dare to be taller (makes you feel like a big gross monster who needs to slouch in shame).

I imagine some women get too tired of the latter to keep searching for the former.

The first type are so great and so fun to date.

The quiet resentment from the second type is insidious.

I'm not dating short men, or men with a small penis, or men who are too fat, or balding men. I don't date at all. Date is the sticky fruit from a palm tree. I love instead. First of all myself - because I can only love others as well as I can love myself. And also I love a short, small-penised, fat old balding guy without teeth. Because he isn't insecure about any of those things. And I respect him very much because his feeling well with himself is clearly the result of some conscious effort that the nutsack-showing types have not done yet for themselves.

If you live in a world of 'dating' and 'looks' I don't consider you a serious person I would eat dates with. Go be someone without the approval of others for a while. There is no dating pool. Love will find you from within your own heart.

Yes, it's definitely a start to a lot of more interesting questions, like:

• can men ever adjust to rejection?
• will they ever give women the same right to physical preferences as they grant themselves?
• can women state their preferences without being caricatured as gold-diggers or inviting abuse (from, presumably, Chads).

I think a lot of the debate around this is really about male entitlement. Men are absolutely shocked and horrified that women turn them down and react badly, and women are super-annoyed that the men who complain about shortness the most have a shitton of more pressing issues interfering with their dating lives (often hilariously including exacting physical standards).

I'm firmly on the side of toppling the patriarchy, but I don't see the role of gaslighting in that endeavor.

I’m firmly on the side of toppling the patriarchy, but I don’t see the role of gaslighting in that endeavor.

Is it gaslighting to be realistic and push back on the manosphere lies about scarcity in dating?

Telling boys and men that their height will have all women rejecting them is poisonous and harms them overall. And it's blatantly not true.

Eh. This is about as true as saying women with a small cup size are courted by straight men 'grudgingly' with 'dissatisfaction'. Could it be a disqualifing physical trait for some men? Yep. Is it at all representative of the dating field? No.

I've met very, very few women with actual opinions about the 6ft thing... and no offense to those people, their personalities in general did not, well, have a broad appeal.

This comment gives off short energy

I didn't say nobody would date them. I said it's a disadvantage.

I guess the discussion online is always in context of online debates and not real life. Online, we have to fight red-pill propaganda constantly, so the simple reality that being a shorter man makes dating harder becomes some sort of weird battleground, where to concede that point is capitulation to manosphere agenda.

That's the only way I can make sense of the differenges between IRL and online discussions of this issue.

I get it. Like if I'm talking to someone (anywhere) and they just randomly volunteer that black people in the US commit more crimes, I'm assuming they're not about to start talking about systemic injustices that lead to black people being surveilled, arrested, and convicted disproportionately. Might as well also say, “I'm not racist, but it's the culture.”

But in my case, it is simply that I've heard from plenty of women that they don't like to date shorter men, and I've seen plenty of jokes made at the expense of short men in media (including fat-positive Shrek), that it drives me absolutely bonkers to deny it.

The only other thing it could be is generational. I'm Gen X. Maybe younger gen honestly does not care and that's why our experiences are different.

Nah

I dont get why if you are short you have to hate on women that dont date under 6'. There's a majority who literally dont give a fuck why do you HAVE to want the ones that do?

On the internet, everyone assumes you're a dog.

I said it before and I'll say it again. My father was 5'5" and had 3 wives, all taller than him, and still managed to cheat on all of them. The only thing holding short kings back is themselves.

so the simple reality that being a shorter man makes dating harder becomes some sort of weird battleground, where to concede that point is capitulation to manosphere agenda.

I recognized that it is a disadvantage and that it is not disimilar to the disadvantages tall women have when dating.

But in my case, it is simply that I’ve heard from plenty of women that they don’t like to date shorter men, and I’ve seen plenty of jokes made at the expense of short men in media (including fat-positive Shrek), that it drives me absolutely bonkers to deny it.

No one is denying that women generally prefer partners that are taller than them. What I'm denying is the prevalence of the problem.

You're not trying to attract all women. You're trying to attract a partner. There's a significant difference there that should be recognized a little more imo.

May all your holiday gatherings only last exactly as long as you desire, and may a refreshing alcoholic beverage always be at hand. 📿🙏

I mean, I have heard women IRL talk like this. Let's not pretend this doesn't happen.

No one is pretending it doesn't happen.

It's not a barrier to dating the way the internet treats it though.

Right? If I saw a dating profile that listed a preferred cup size or weight, I’d steer clear even if I fit the criteria. Having an arbitrary dating requirement based on something so shallow is a red flag. Why bother engaging with someone like that? I’d hope the tall men that such women seek recognize that as well.

My son's father was 5'6". For the entire time we were together, he told everyone he was 5'10". I am all of 5' nothing, so I cant tell. Some time after we broke up, I dated someone who was actually 5'10" and I just.. giggled at the lie my son's father told, but ultimately was left confused as to why.

The women who do give a fuck about a man's hieght definately arent going to be good partners. Be comfortable in your own skin, I say.

Height isnt everything. The guy I dated after, told me once, "I cant look in the mirror because I hate myself so much I want to smash the mirror". And like, what a place to be, but.. he had height, it wasnt a magic cure to finding love, inside or in life, at all.

"Hello fellow girls?!" Really?

I'm short as fuck and have never had a problem when I actually put in the effort. Obviously not everyone I would have liked was interested in me but that's not something unique to short dudes. People aren't attracted to each other for all sorts of reasons. Showing up, taking care of myself, and just being nice to everyone got me really far. The short dudes I see in my circle (all of whom are taller than me) that complain about it are just straight unpleasant to be around a lot of the time. They're so fixated on getting laid that they can't just interact with women on a platonic level. When they're not making everyone uncomfortable they're whining about their lot in life. They need to focus on getting their own shit together and building their self esteem but they refuse to acknowledge that they might be the problem because it's easier just to blame everyone else for discriminating them.

There are a lot of women who want tall dudes, there are a lot of dudes that want women with big tits. Pretty much everyone has to settle somewhere below their ideals in terms of the attractiveness of their partner. Some people have things that they won't settle on but we can't really control that, you just have to get over it. Why would you want to date someone who isn't attracted to you anyway? There are an absolute shitload of people who are less than perfect in the looks department to meet and try to find a match that works for you. You just have to get out there and do it.

The short dudes I see in my circle (all of whom are taller than me) that complain about it are just straight unpleasant to be around a lot of the time. They’re so fixated on getting laid that they can’t just interact with women on a platonic level.

Ugh. That was the not-so-short guy that I tried to be friends with! He was just constantly horny all the time, talking to women sitting at a table eating dinner because it was sort-of-close to the bar. Then when he did finally find someone, he resented her and himself for having so much horny sex. But even he wasn't about this red-pilled You Must Be As Tall As This Sign nonsense, he just never made much of an effort with women taller than him unless he was drunk, which was seemingly most of the time. Anyway.

Yeah, short is a disadvantage, maybe a bigger disadvantage than other things, but it's not an insurmountable problem that dooms you to celibacy. Just weird to me that it seems controversial to just say it out loud that it is a disadvantage. But I guess, again, it's about the context people are hearing it in, context I tend to miss.

I get men coming out of the woodwork at me all the time for these kinds of statements.

The difference is that that's because of the obvious bias your comments show though, and crucially not because they disagree with you that women prefer taller men.

I don't get why if you are fat you have to hate on men that don't date under 200 pounds. There's a majority who literally don't give a fuck why do you HAVE to want the ones that do?

Yup, we were trying to set one of our close friends up with a friend of ours from another friend group a few months ago, and literally the first words out of her mouth were "how tall is he?"

Have you found links to the "literally hundreds of misandrist comments" I've left on Lemmy?

Yep, individuals have preferences when it comes to dating. I bet you have a few yourself.

Big surprise that velma is once again denying and downplaying problems that many real men deal with instead of listening and learning.

Have you read through all the comments here?

Made me wonder if OP is just trolling.

I have indeed - as usual you're all over the thread blaming men who complain about their lived experience as "leading with their insecurities" and generally minimizing the problem.

Though it doesn't surprise me that you would think "there may be a few sparse super crazy people here and there, but this basically practically never ever happens and if it does it's your fault" is the position of an ally.

“there may be a few sparse super crazy people here and there, but this basically practically never ever happens and if it does it’s your fault"

That's not what I said at all. Also why are you lumping all men into this group of insecure short men that blame women? That's not very fair to men as a group.

Care to quote me accurately? The comments are right here in this thread, no need to go hunting for them which is what tripped you up so much yesterday.

The comments are indeed right here the thread, and as usual I don't think they're fooling anyone.

Oh really?

You placed a lot of weight on upvotes and downvotes yesterday. Changed your mind?

C'mon guy. This is some low class shit. You have to stop being so reactionary with people.

How is my comment any more low class/reactionary than the comment I was responding to?

Other than "men's preferences are low class/shallow/reactionary and women's are high class/just personal preference/justified", of course.

It's not a barrier to dating the way the internet treats it though.

It's much more the insecurity about your height (or whatever other shortcoming you believe you have) that is the actual problem.