I want incredibly mundane insults like "you look like you have a terrible handshake."

plamf

Do we really need more ways to insult eachother? Aren't things bad enough already?

This guy...

Yes we really do need more ways to insult each other, oh my God there's so many piece of shit oppressors who need to be told to fuck off in every possible way

‘Daft bint’

Two more I’ve heard over the years:

‘You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you’re wasting’

And:

‘Your head is really just a place to store your teeth isn’t it?

Yes! This is exactly what I wanted!

I'd try to explain it slower but I don't believe speed is the problem

Yes, yes we do.

I'm about as left as it comes without being a tankie, but I do think people need to deal with insults better.

I'm not talking about constant bullying or harassment - that has no place in society.

But calling out absolutely idiotic behaviour, with a clever quip, is something people need to learn to accept. It's not something you should get angry and defensive about, but rather take a moment to do some introspection - maybe I am being a dumbass. Maybe I should rethink what I just said/did.

With that said, clever insults work only when used sparingly, and to deliver impact. Constant insults are bullying. A well placed "you absolute doughnut" can do its job. Constantly being told you're shit can't. Use them sparingly, use them well. And don't forget positive reinforcement. If someone does a good job, tell them. Celebrate small successes. Learn from fuckups. Criticise constructively. And listen to constructive criticism.

my brother like spanish but did not know enough swear words so he would say things like fume mi huevos.

The classic:

• You look easy to draw

Others:

• You are the type of person who makes the teenage cashier at Chipotle explain why guac costs extra.

• You're the human equivalent of a bag of salad that goes bad the day you buy it, worthless after I already spent my cash.

• Talking to you is like using a public restroom, sometimes necessary, never pleasant and leaves me feeling a little gross after.

• Every conversation with you has the emotional texture of a Terms and Conditions pop-up.

• Being around you feels like watching someone try parallel park for four minutes.

and the best I have ever hear with my own ears, which is not mundane, but is excellent when yelling at the top of your lungs so all the neighbors can hear: "You are a supercilious cunt"

You're not loved, they just tolerate you.

A similar one to the plant is "somewhere in the world there's a tree working hard to create the oxygen you just wasted, you should find it and apologize"

Maybe. It doesn't hurt to have options. Israel would agree with me. Wait... No. That's a different level of escalation.

Oh I’m stealing this one.

"Anyone ever tell you that you've done a great job lately?"

"No" (This one requires a no answer)

"Think about that, then."

That's harsh

There's no reason to make this about me.

“The other sperm just let you win, didn’t they?”

i like curses more like: "i hope you stub your toes", "have a warm pillow", "may the consequences of your actions be harsh" or "may your phone screen be always too bright or dim"

If one is in the game of changing minds then, in my view, every form of insulting your opponent is achieving the exact opposite. Admitting that you're wrong is already extremely difficult even when you're dealing with someone who is acting decent with you. It's not going to happen when they're being a mean jerk about it.

Insults like that are performance for the audience. It might get applause from the supporting side and feel good for a moment but it only furthers the divide and makes the world a tiny bit worse place for everyone. There's no need to go out of one's way to be extra nice all the time but intentionally just throwing mud is virtually always counter-productive.

I like - I hope you step in a questionable wet spot while wearing socks.

"[W]hat you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

I saw this on here recently:

"Working with you is like losing two good men"

Look when I have had to tell a scumbag the same rules three times politely and they keep breaking them anyway...

I gave them chances. It is now my perogative to tell them exactly how fucking stupid they are and why and that I am sick of dealing with their loser shit.

If they can't deal with escelating consequences they are fucking babies and deserve even further ridicule and isolation.

The reason we live in a shameless society is because we allowed these people to publicly be shameful without completely ostracizing them from society. They learned that they can be shameful and it doesn't matter.

In early human tribes ostracisation from the tribe was basically a death sentence. Honestly insults are nicer than that.

Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results.

-Margaret Atwood

Don't let stupidity turn into evil by worrying about it's fucking feelings.

Taking the high road is just conflict avoidance.

For two people who look/are dressed similarly: "you look like the before and after photos for a product that doesn't work."

May your toilet paper forever tear lengthwise.

Sittin' outside of a Wendy's for free wifi lookin'-ass

Sure, but I'm not the one built like a bag of popcorn

"Eat any good books lately?"
..my favorite way of calling someone stupid

If they say yes you can then continue with "I meant besides yourself"

It's really hard to overestimate you.

• I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you
• I’m sorry, I don’t know how to use any smaller words
• Do you know where your carer is?

You have a great face for radio.

Assassin of joy.

"You look like Danny Divito standing on Danny Divito's shoulders."

I hope your chooks turn into emus, and kick your dunny down.

The Monty Python French taunters classic is a scathing insult and noone gets it. Break down the line:

"Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries"

Firstly, they are calling your mother a fast-breeding rodent, ergo, your mother is a whore, that one is simple. Second, why would your father smell of elderberries? What was it used for at the time? Wine, but better wine would be made from grapes from France or southern England, implying your father was was not just a drunk, but a cheap drunk.

Its one of the most insulting lines ever uttered on film and it has so many layers, which is why that movie is hillarious.

You're the enemy of fun.

“Bless your heart”

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap

This site seems to be kind of a safe space for people who were bullied in school to practice acting like cancer in a consequence-free environment. Why would you take that away from them? Are you Nazi or something????? ¿

Woah! I said I wanted insults!

"You're not as dumb as you look," was always one of the most subtle yet broad insults.

Okay, a simple 'wrong' would have done just fine…

You look the way I feel.

A few I've acquired over the years.

• "At this point, you can only impress me."
• "My opinion of you can only go up from here"
• "The bar was on the ground and you brought a shovel."
• Unencumbered by the thought process.
• "You're the reason we have warning labels."
• "They only got two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place."
• "It's impossible to underestimate you."
• "If you were half as smart as you think you are, you’d be twice as smart as you really are."
• "If you ever had a clever thought, it died alone and afraid."
• "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
• "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
• "May I ask what's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement?"
• "You could hide your own Easter eggs."
• "I can explain it again, if you'd like, but I can't understand for you."
• "He is a modest man with much to be modest about."
• "I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong"

If really upset, I hope you stub the same toe twice.