This reads like some very iffy fan fiction.

Ah, if Jesus was born in the stable, makes sense he grew up as a horse. Or perhaps as a camel, trying to go through the eye of a needle.

Written by Hegesth.

Erm, what the yaoi fanfic?

Religion is a mental illness

Hats off to the headline writer. I lol’d

I'm sure he did ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nso9sDGkOdQ

Heaven is a Chuck Tingle book

Right? Apparently hallucinating in a coma that Jesus's manly body is the only reality will get you on Fix News.

Think he actually had visions of Jesus as a glistening stud, but didn't want to say that?

“Liar claims lies”

Fixed the headline, it’s no longer news

If I tell anyone that I spent time with Jesus they wouldn't believe me.

Why do they believe this guy??? What's he got??? Souvenirs?

Ugh. Spent 18 days in heaven just to talk about how swole Jesus is. Secret closet hider, dude.

Gabe Poirot was riding an electric skateboard at around 30 miles per hour without a helmet in October 2021 when he hit a small bump in the road and flipped backwards, landing directly on his head.

The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury.

It's kind of tragic how badly a TBI can mess up someone's life, especially at such a young age.

Jesus has a fucking huge dick and use it to assert his dominance on betas.

A traumatic brain injury

Riding an electric skateboard without a helmet is already a sign of imbecility; he just added hallucinations to his mental deficiency.

My mom for a while believed a TV evangelist for a while, I'll always remember his shit name. Jesse Duplanis. Told everyone he went to heaven and met Jesus on a deathbed experience before being "sent back to preach the good book". Of course it was the abundance gospel of he just happened to have a private jet and multiple mansions.

My gullible naive mother sent him money when she was most destitute thinking he knew how to make things better. At one point it was a full tithe, 10% of her income. I hope he rots in the ground.

Mentally ill man says gay shit on fox news. Just another day at fox.

I read that quickly and just thought 30km/h is fairly fast on a skateboard, but 30mph is just stupid fast.

The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury

Sounds about right

What else does he have to do in paradise for thousands of years other than work out?

who'd have thought that doing acid makes you see jesus

Haven't Near Death Experiences been fully debunked as nonsense?

Unironically this account makes just as much sense as every stupid religion on this planet.

only if it's the right jesus. my sil hallucinated a different jesus and never got a book written about her. was pissed off about it until the day she died. i kept telling her she needed to write it herself, but nope! too much work.

Horse Jesus?

Apparently he's still around.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Duplantis

In May 2018, national news media outlets reported that Duplantis had asked his followers to donate money to him so that he could buy a Dassault Falcon 7X, valued at $54 million.[4][5][6] Duplantis said that his organization, Jesse Duplantis Ministries, had already paid for three private jets by 2006, and that he had been using them by "just burning them up for the Lord Jesus Christ." Duplantis defended his choice by saying: "I really believe that if Jesus was physically on the earth today he wouldn't be riding a donkey. Think about that for a minute. He'd be in an airplane preaching the gospel all over the world."[7] In response to a wave of criticism, Duplantis stated on his ministry website, "I'm not asking you to pay for my plane, I'm asking you to pray for my plane."[8]

In 2016, Duplantis and fellow televangelist Kenneth Copeland defended their use of private jets with the claim that commercial planes were full of "demons".[9]

A few weeks later, Duplantis claimed the Second Coming was held up by a lack of donations, while touting his multi-millionaire status.[13]

In February 2024, Duplantis was named as a defendant in an amended civil securities fraud complaint filed by Colorado regulators concerning the promotion of the cryptocurrency INDXcoin. The complaint alleges that Duplantis was among individuals recruited by Denver pastor Eli Regalado to help sell unlicensed securities within Christian communities and that certain recruits received commission payments. The broader case claims INDXcoin raised more than $3 million from over 300 investors between 2022 and 2023 through promises of guaranteed returns based on divine guidance.

He claims heaven isn't a place, it's a person, and that he entered that person.

Now he's reminded of heaven everywhere he looks. The trees, the mountains, etc.

I'd say it's a reaction to mental illness. An attempt by people to try to get a handle on something. If you look at religious people, they tend to all be a little off.

I bet he can also describe in detail how hung the Mustang was.

I think the brain injury has him a little confused. He spent 18 days with a 6ft Mustang full of testosterone called Jesús, and it was heavenly.

Severe brain damage and religion. You can't name a more iconic duo.

"When you have to fill a 24h news day you can literally drag up brain injured crazy people and just let them talk! "

-giggling ceo

Cf. Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes Du Mez:

Jesus and John Wayne is a sweeping account of the last seventy-five years of white evangelicalism, showing how American evangelicals have worked for decades to replace the Jesus of the Gospels with an idol of rugged masculinity and Christian nationalism, or in the words of one modern chaplain, with “a spiritual badass.”

These kind of hallucinations are not uncommon for a near death experience.

An existing theory is that its caused by your brain releasing naturaly produced dmt when its senses its about to die.

Thats pretty interesting, but doesnt explain why where giving this guy a stage and actively make them dangerously mentally ill by feeding into the delusions they experienced.

The edgy atheist in me wants to say "so add it to the Bible."

This was super cringy to read, I feel the need to go wash my hands. Waste of my time, I wish I'd never read it.

Or perhaps as a camel, trying to go through the eye of a needle.

Context for the uninitiated:

Matthew 19:24:

Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.

Gabe added that ‘in America, Jesus has been misrepresented. And there are so many cultural things that present him as if he’s some tolerant guy.’

🤦

My dude, it's written down. There's an actual book. But this is America, so he very likely can't read.

Also note my surprised face that the entire account is vaguely homoerotic. Yet again, repressed sexuality seems to be at play here.

You can just see Jesse Watters licking his lips as this guy tells his story

NO WEIRDOS, BEARDOES, OR WOMEN, ONLY STRONG, HOT, MUSCULAR, DTF MEN.

Was never much of a Ford fan, so…. This is disappointing. Was really hoping he would be a Camaro, or even an import.

The bigger story is that Fox put this guy on air and acted like there was some legitimacy to it. The guy himself at least has an excuse for acting brain dead. What's the excuse for the viewers?

It’s a broad range of problems they try to fill.

Alcoholism, various mental illnesses, loneliness, and desperation get new ones in. But I think the most problematic are the ones there for life and because the whole community is there. Or for political reasons.

Did he get bucked? Or fucked?

With the increase of cheap ebikes this is becoming more and more common. Saw a CBC Marketplace investigation recently where most Toronto stores they visited advertised those vehicles to the under 16, against the law. They also offered to remove limiters to make the bikes go considerably faster.

They interviewed a teenager who now is missing chunks of his skull and cant form memories anymore.

Or a young child who got hit and run by an ebike and looked like he was in a car accident.

How much cum would he need to swallow to taste the testosterone?

AND DISCREET