I bet b he’s good buddies with SSG Leaudrag.

"I mean, I wanna—I wanna kill. Kill. I wan—I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill. Kill! Kill!" And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill! Kill!" and he started jumpin' up and down with me and we was both jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill! Kill!" And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, and said, "You're our boy."‎
Didn't feel too good about it.‎

I'm pretty sure it's not, but this feels like something from Full Metal Jacket.

It's from the song Alice's Restaurant.

I hated the recruitment texts and calls. The high school and university apparently just give your information to recruiters.

Is that Barbados Slim?

It would be really funny if they did it based on grades

"Are you saying I can take skulls and spill blood? If so, sign me up! I gotta make Daddy Khorne pleased."

You mean high grade is more recruiters.... right?

Why would people with job prospects join the army?

Wait, this a real thing? That's so... American I guess.

Yep. It's actually the whole reason we have phy ed.

Basically if you get federal funds, you have to do what the federal says.

I see, I always assumed it was either people giving their info themselves or others did to prank you. I guess it makes sense for a country who loves perpetual war.

Yeah, but if you go to a good high school they send recruiters who may tell you to commission instead of only to enlist

And no they don't take "ineligible" for an answer. I didn't want to die for oil, but even if I did they wouldn't let me, but they also wouldn't leave me alone.

"so i understand you take men in your military. did you have to be born that way?" got them to stop calling me altogether back during DADT.

did you take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery? One day "off" of classes in exchange for taking the military test. In exchange, you give the military your contact information yourself.

i did not take the test. i got way fewer recruitment letters and calls than my friends.

family tradition is one. You can potentially start as an officer is another. They tried to recruit me to start as a captain given my prior vocational training.

Nope I did not take it nor was I involved in anything like ROTC either.

Calls started being sent to our landline and my parents cellphones which were listed with the high school. After going to university is when they began coming to my cell phone.

I did not know that. Interesting, I guess my own feelings on it didn't let me consider that

at least the SSG still has his sense of humor

one of them tried to corner me into agreeing to let him come pick me up and talk in person. probably because he felt it would make me more compliant if alone with him. like a child predator.

The "country" doesn't, the pedo class does.

I hear one can take the ASFAB, book the follow-up interviews, etc., but drop the mic on the pre-boot questionnaire that tries to suss out your "conscientious objector" leanings and never have to worry about another spam call/email (barring a draft). Or, so I hear. It's been decades, now. 😜🤌🏼

I told them I was a conscientious objector in 2001 and never heard from any of them ever again.

when "I am not going to join, please stop calling" doesn't work, you have to know the actual magic words.

Oldest child was contacted via text by a recruiter. We told them to waste their time. Say "yes, I'll talk to you about it if you treat ME to a meal at [local restaurant]." (emphasis mine)

The recruiter ghosted them after that.

When I was working retail, stocking shelves, one of those scumbags walked up to me and asked "so is this what you want to do for your life, are you happy here?"

Like what the fuck.

Do military recruiters actually just cold call (well, text) you like that in the US?

Yes, and of course they're allowed to lie to children as well

That's crazy but not really surprising to me anymore for the States I guess. I think I've only ever seen an army recruiter once in my life and it was a booth at a convention semi recently

They even come to your highschool class during lesson time to talk with everyone about why military is awesome and you should totally join.

There was also a few month duration each year where army members would setup a table in your school cafetaria and give snacks for talking about military or taking surveys etc.

From the UK and I’ve ever seen one when actively went to the recruitment office, before I wised up and noped out of that idea.

The Army came to my highschool my senior year and put on an exhibition. They had Humvees and APCs and a massive wall of speakers that would make a passerby deaf at 40 yards. You were able to get out of class if you went to the event and listened to their pitch. I was one of like 4 kids who didn't go. Parents weren't told about this in advance, and there were recruiters there with pens waiting.
TBF, my school did have JROTC program but still... I think thats what set off my long history of being anti-that.

I hope you told them to go pound sand. Scumbags.

Yes. Before cell phones were common they called my parents land line asking for me.

Also like any ‘sales’ job metrics matter, so they’ll take a meeting with kids like this even if it doesn’t convert to a recruit in the end.

unfortunately I fear that gets you put on a list you dont want to be on

That's actually fucking absurd wow. I was in the Canadian Air Cadets as a kid and even then I didn't see that level of recruiting. Like even when doing Cadet basic training on an actual air base, it was always just learning drill, shooting, and about how planes worked. I've never in my life been asked or had it suggested to me that I join the military

"Have you considered applying for ICE?"

Yeah, I got a call when I was sixteen or so several years ago. They strung me along for quite a while just acting like they knew me. I was trying to figure out how I knew them and finally they said they were a recruiter and I told them I wasn't interested. I wish I told him to fuck off, but that's not the kind of kind I was.

So being a fat kid didn't just get me out of dodgeball but also military recruiting? Sweet

It was so long ago, I don't remember.

I do remember that they were saying that bullshit to every employee in sight

The bar has been low for at least 30 years. Marine recruiter wouldn't leave me alone even after I started hitting on him.

Well.. As the "country" screaming the loudest about democracy. It's hard to not conflate the two. But seeing the terrible voting system over there, I guess that wouldn't be fair.

Can't you just block the number? Or do they use a lot of different numbers.

I assume everyone has heard the Arlo Guthrie thanksgiving song. "I wanna kill, kill, kill, kill!" "You're our boy."

We had an army recruiter come talk to our history class in high school (this was in the '80s). After the guy's talk he said "any questions"?" My friend Rob said "yeah, I have a question: does napalm still stick to kids?"