scream in pain and agony until its quiet, then say "thank you everyone, let's enjoy the cake"

No idea, but once I was feeling extra awkward and started singing along with the rest of them.

Throw heavy objects at their heads until they shut the fuck up, then eat the cake while they ponder where exactly they went wrong

When I was little, I always did a weird cringey little dance. As an adult I started doing it again. It makes an awkward situation (for me), fun.

Apparently it's not to grab a knife like you're gonna stab someone.

Move your hands like you are conducting the symphony.

Smile and look around at all the people who want to celebrate you, and muse on how fortunate you are to have them in your life.

Conduct them with my fingers.

What are you, some kind of normie?

The trouble with that strategy is, it'll only work once. If the goal is to never have a birthday celebration again, it works, of course.

Join in but replace every instance of "you" with "me."

I just sit there and guess if the singers will use my full name, or the short form, or my nickname. And then giggle stupid when they inevitably try to use all 3 together.

Masturbate furiously. The goal is to finish when the song ends.

Crunk.

Stand up, hand on your heart and sing along but with "to meeee"

Smile creepily and make direct and awkward eye contact?

Like your style

I could never last that long.

Yeah, or you can even just smile and fake it.

For anyone out there who has problems with things like this, remember, you can always just observe what other people do in the same situation, and then do the same thing when it happens to you. This is basically what other people intuitively do, but not everyone has the same sort of intuition.

Be glad it's just Happy Birthday. In Poland there is this weird tradition, where they'll sing for You 4 songs, just to irritate You. Nobody likes it, especially the birthday person but it still happens.

Fight or flight.

Smile, stare at the cake, and lightly bob your head to the song. If you don't feel awkward with eye contact, then you can glance around the room and look at everyone.

Grab your cat and prop them up like they're being marionetted and make them do a little dance

I know... All those relatives right in front of you!

I absolutely loathe this tradition, and I ask everyone to not do it in celebration of me. I also ask friends and family to not let anyone know it's my birthday at any restaurant we're at, as well. I fucking hate being sung to. Like, a lot. Just give me a pat on the back or something for Chrissake.....

I get friends that also hate that song.

Fast clapping and loud high pitched toddler-like giggles and squeals always gets a fun reaction.

You're supposed to sit there awkwardly looking deeply embarrassed.

Slap on a grateful expression, stare into the candles, and conjure up a wish worthy of the magic they're casting with this ancient chant.

The cake needed a little more icing anyway.

Cry.

Become the conductor of the choir.

This is the best answer.

It stops you feeling awkward. It's gets a chuckle from everyone involved, and it makes you feel a lot more confident (fake it till you make it type effect).

Extra qudos if you finish by pointing your mock baton at the friend you know is going to go "hip hip".

Mis-reply. Ignore this.

Immediately blow the candles out and get them to stop singing so it’s no longer awkward for everyone involved.

Bathe in the adulation, absorb their hymn of worship like the shining golden god you are. To thine own self be true! Happy Birthday = Hail Satan

This but creepier

That is so much more awkward. I love it.

I did it a few years back, just in the spur of the moment wondering if it would stop the song; it did and they’ve stopped singing to me since then, so I consider it a double win.

Join in?

Practice your death metal vocals

Twerk

That clip synced surprisingly well with the song my phone was playing ("The Bar Song" by Delta Ash).

edit: Autocorrect strikes again. Changed "point" to "phone."

Well that's just the icing on the cake

This is why I’m banned from Applebees.

absolute power move, that's awesome

You and I have very different ideas of what an Applebee's are for.

Yes, but with one person in particular.