I lived in Canada for 3 years. I did not find it at all to be more LGBT friendly. I think you are talking about the federal governments policy? I don't think the average Canadian is that much more LGBT+ than the average american. I also met plenty of conservative Canadians and I'm related to them. Plenty of Canadians I met while living there where racist, sexist, and anti-lgbt+, and I was at a liberal university.

Canada has the same rural/urban red/blue divide as does America. The conservative sexists at my uni were all from like rural Alberta, Ontario, and Manitoba. The people from BC/Quebec were all far leftists, etc. My Canadian family is from rural Ontario and is conservative AF.

I'm thinking more provincially. If you lived in ON, I could see it not being more LGBTQ friendly, but I'm in MB which historically is more socially left than other provinces, save for maybe BC.

Everything is so far apart that this kind of thing varies so much across different provinces and cities or rural/metro areas.

also, realize that shit's crazy for kids these days. the level of bullshit kids have to deal with these days is pretty wild, and the bullying never stops thanks to smart phones. when i was a kid if you had issues or conflicts at school... they stopped once you left the building. Today it's not like that.

I lived in Victoria, BC. But I was meeting people from all over Canada.

Well I'm sorry those you met didn't seem to be as queer-friendly as you had hoped. If you ever come to MB, feel free to shoot me a message and I can introduce you to some people that will hopefully change your experience!

I don’t think anyone IV dripping a culture that feeds into a person’s anger is going to going to be happier or feeling a sense of purpose and fulfillment. There’s a difference between just being a gym bro and listening to influencers that make money off of playing into your insecurities.

I question how attached they were to a feminist identity either though if a breakup shook the identity off of them.

It legitimately sounds like you saw a prostitute without intending to. Which- people can be sex workers and that’s fine, but finding that sort of language bleeding into the everyday is a faux pas, to say the least. I personally haven’t met anyone that far gone, but I’ve seen plenty of people interested in only money and entertainment, which seems less unsightly to me. An interest in living life is the barest minimum for seeking someone, after all

One of my first jobs was an Avid tutor where we give guided tutoring to the students. We’re not allowed to show them how to do something we have to ask them guided questions like “what do your notes say about that?” Or “when the problem says this, what’s the next step your teacher told you to take?”

I thought it was stupid at the time but now that I’m an adult I find myself using it in normal conversations. It’s helps people get out of their head and kind of look at a problem head on and keeps you from yapping. It doesn’t really work with my 5 year old but my 8 year old it works really well. Try doing this with any issue they have and you’ll help them a lot

The fact your date went straight to violence tells a lot about them. It sounds like they were testing your boundaries. Glad you got away early, I can only imagine what would’ve happened if you’d gotten into a steady relationship then tried to break up. You didn’t just dodge a bullet, it sounds like you dodged a nuclear warhead.

No dude. These women are doctors, lawyers, and other high income highly educated professionals.

That is how they view relationships. their end-goal in a relationship is not happiness or personal satisfaction, or any of that, it's about getting more money. they see relationships as just another career move and if you aren't going to increase their net-worth substantially, they have no interest in you as a human being. if you cant provide them with a massive increase in their income or lifestyle, you are not worthy of them.

it's cold and calculated and careerist, but this is often how they grew up and their entire life is about the score in their bank account being bigger than someone else's. they also see children this same way, there is no point to having children unless the children will be able to attend Harvard and become wealthy professionals themselves. if you ask them what they'd do if their kid coudln't only get into a state school they basically say they would disown their kid or otherwise be ashamed of them.

everything to them is about dollar signs and social prestige that comes with it.

One of my best friends in college told me basically verbatim what I wrote in my comment. She said that she was glad she was a D cup and on the shorter side because it meant she could date guys who go to the gym and her pool of options was big because of her height.

So I think it might happen more often than you think. Probably not as big of a thing as height differential, but seems to be a thing from my personal experience.

What's more terrifying to me is how many people think she is justified in that violence, due to their rampant sexism. I've told that story and had women and men take her side immediately. That any violence against a man means he must deserve it. But of course, it is never appropriate for a man to hit a woman, no matter the circumstance...

Cool, i think ID politics is all bullshit and a crutch for mentally unwell people, no matter it's flavor.

I've known plenty of hardcore leftists who became hardcore conservatives, it's almost as if it wasn't about the politics but them being a nutjob.

my friend from MB left and won't ever go back because they are queer and were persecuted there... they live in Toronto now.

different strokes for different folks.

Ok yeah y'all must've had some really bad luck meeting people or something because we have a really big queer community here. That sucks, sorry about that.

If your friend ends up having to coming back here for cost reasons or anything (hopefully they get to stay where they want), let them know that the punk/alt and the art scenes here are quite accepting. Things like the punk rock flea market are always filled with queer people.

MB can be a crapshoot tho. Rural is all trash, the City can be really good tho if you're in the right scenes. Everyone's experience is different tho I guess. Same as always.

Sorry for the derail, hope your day is nice!

I'm in a weird state with him currently. See I was going in the opposite trajectory, I used to be one of those atheism-is-my-personality skeptics and a "rational" centrist in high school. Around the same time my brother was going down the pipeline I discovered I was trans and reconnecting with my emotions opened my eyes on a lot of subjects.

He didn't have an explosive reaction but he insisted I postpone HRT until we "know for sure". I said he's welcome to help me explore the topic but I was still doing HRT until I'm convinced otherwise. He never got back to me which just tells me he would've dragged his feet and put my transition on pause.

Shortly after that incident I moved to another state for unrelated reasons and he has not once called me. After 2 years I visited my hometown for a week around Christmas and he didn't even stop by to see me.

To be honest I don't know if he's even still manosphere MAGA, I know next to nothing about him since we last spoke. I could make an effort to contact him myself but after not even saying hi during Christmas when he knew I was visiting I don't know if I even care anymore.

got show that horse where the water is, so to speak.

My brother is pretty dumb but very persuasive so he can pass as an "intellectual". His gateway drug to the manosphere was Jordan Peterson.

I think identity politics is a bit of a separate conversation. Even the term itself is a bit broad and difficult to ascribe to one thing or another. Do I think some people make one thing or another their entire personality? Oh 100%. And it’s something that’s beyond just politics as well.

Like you said though there are plenty of people that are probably nuts, who only hold onto a label to be part of some ‘counter culture’ group or another. People who don’t really have strong moral convictions aside from wanting to have an audience and would leave their current position in a heartbeat if the spotlight was pulled from them.

Something completely unrelated lol. This mother fucker replied with that long after I deleted it.

I can’t say I’m entirely convinced, considering this conversation is taking place in a greentext community, but I am fairly glad im past my dating woes

you don't have to be convinced. lots of people doing lots of thing exists that you don't know about.

I've also had women of this ilk ask me to be part of their male sex harem and flip out telling me i'm a horrible asshole when I politely declined. i doubt you ever encountered that while you were dating either and you are free to assume that is also a fabrication/lie.

but also I doubt think you are in the same circles I am. But there are plenty of New Yorker and NYT times articles about these people, because they tend to only exist in a few select cities in a few neighborhoods in those cities, and they are often the same class of folks who dominate the media industry. These are the people who 'network' their toddlers and infants and whose marriages have performance bonuses tied to their spousal duty targets. They very much exist and they have turned relationships into business arrangements.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/17/opinion/sunday/poor-little-rich-women.html

Guys need to learn how to deal with their emotions. Repressing them does not make them go away.

Go to therapy. It saves and improves lifes.

Anon forgot about the posting of random incel-coded anime "motivation" clips on their social media.

Anon's brother be like:

To be honest, that's kind of ingenious lol.

Thanks for not letting us hang :-)

I've had a therapist for >3 years.

I think MDMA is far superior.

(I would enjoy combining the two, but the law doesn't allow that yet so.)

((Also it's been almost 10 years since I took ecstasy, so it's not like I'm an addict or anything.))

(((In fact, some serotonergic drugs actually have anti-addictive properties, believe it or not.)))

Of course the manosphere gave him a sense of purpose. That's what it was designed to do - to prey on men who don't have enough of a support network, and sell them a false promise to improve their lives in exchange for them spreading hate and propaganda, which in turn attracts more men to the trap. It's just a mix between an MLM and a cult. Having a sense of purpose and fulfillment doesn't mean you made the right choice, it just means someone got you to believe you did.

Some women are for the patriarchy.

Sometimes, an "Are you gay" from a woman even is a "why are you not fucking me"; be it subconsciously, or a conscious flirty challenge.

Sometimes, it's a "My man would never do anything like that and other man shouldn't make him look bad in comparison". Although I guess that's the patriarchy thing again. Just like red pill podcast pickmes.

Of course all doesn't matter, you could be the most effeminate man in the world - as long as you're attracted to women, there's no question.

just got to find the right therapist (to combine it woth pyscedelics)

Sometimes it's a "church"

No yeah I'm doing actual cognitive therapy, not "therapy" as in finding myself as a late teen early 20's with my first trips.

I don't care about people being spiritual, but when they claim their spirituality is superior to actual objective medical science, without being able to reason how or why, then they're just being religious.

no, they are just judgemental insecure twats of human beings. has nothing to do with anything else.

if you judge them for their personal hygiene choices they'd freak the fuck out and call you a misogynist, but when they do it, it's OK because they are 'progressive' and 'woke'.

i've yet to ever meet a 'anti patriachy' person who wasn't just a judgemental jerk who used their 'feminism' as an excuse to be a total asshole over petty bullshit about other people's choices. they are the same as MAGA twats, they just use different words.

and you personally, know what the right choices are for other people?

would you feel the same way if they joined the Catholic church? or is that just a cult of false promise too?

It is therapy, not "therapy". There's a reason I put the word "church" in quotes.

I’ve certainly not encountered most of this. But, once again, this is a greentext community. Objectively, I’d be an idiot to believe anything here. For an abundance of reasons, this simply isn’t a place to have a conversation about the negative qualities of people, particularly women, with the expectation that others should or would listen.

You’re in the bread line beside the leaners and the laughers, talking about dividends.

Hehe…

I don't know what the right choice is, but it's pretty easy to see what the wrong choice is. If you hate other people simply for something they can't change, it's the wrong choice. The manosphere hates women, full stop. That's unacceptable. The catholic church hates gay people, full stop. That's also unacceptable. The current pope is making some changes that might redeem it, but for now it's objectively a bad choice.

What's the right choice for a group to join? Is there even a right choice? Who knows, but if your group tries to tell you to hate someone for something other than a choice they decided to make, it's a sign you should leave that group. The only thing you can judge people on are the actions and decisions they specifically made.

I'm not sure that it would, but I'd bet it depends on time, place, and other context. The ideal body looks different in different social circles, even among the very fit (swimmer versus powerlifter versus Olympic lifter versus MMA fighter versus crossfitter versus basketball player).

In my circles, the straight women seem to to mostly prefer thin endurance cardio bodies, which, whatever, let people like things. Either way, that's not always a great body type to show off shirtless.

It's really easy to say "go to therapy," but that ignores the realities of accessing it.

It's not cheap. There's long waits involved. It's very likely your first therapist or even first few therapists won't be a good fit and you'll need to shop around. Sometimes you get lucky and you find a good fit on the first try. And sometimes you find a hundred bucks in a gutter, too.

I view "get therapy" as a mid-term goal. It's something that you should be working on but it's not something that fixes things right now.

Yup, or a bit younger. I'm 40, so I was 28 when gamergate kicked off this whole online misogynist grifter ecosystem (which fed into and became a component of what we'd call the alt-right a few years later.)

By that point I'd already had my first few bad breakups and rejections and had grown up, and had made some good platonic friendships with women, so I wasn't vulnerable to it. But if it'd happened when I was like 23 or 24 and I hadn't had those chances to grow and mature yet? It might've been a lot different.

It's much easier to blame bad luck and personal failings on others. Growth and maturity takes work.

Uh, well, I'm anti patriarchy.

Shouldn't take my own word that I'm not an asshole of course.

However, I'm very much "live and let live", which is exactly why I'm against patriarchy trying to tell me I can't exfoliate, respect my female coworkers, etc.

The first thing someone says when meeting someone new usually isn't "I'm [pro-/anti-] patriarchy." But every single woman I met where it came up was anti patriarchy. I haven't met A SINGLE ONE who was for it, and honestly it would be weird.

Extrapolating here, but I don't think all women are judgemental jerks who used their 'feminism' as an excuse to be a total asshole over petty bullshit about other people's choices. They just wanna live, man

You always talk about your experience dating and it is crazy to me, I live in a different world. How you are attracting so many incompatible people, it's so strange. I would be a bad fit for probably 80% of guys my age (like most people, probably)but only the 20% who do sort of fit ever responded to me in any way, or we figured out fast that it wouldn't work. And when I was younger, I'm sure it was less than that 20%!

How are you somehow only attracting people who are not attracted to you? Surely your 20% exists, and it seems like the odds of finding one would be pretty good. Like basically - if you just keep the cat picture up, why is it not cat ladies responding?

Because I attract mentally unwell women, that's why.

It's been my entire life, since I was a child. When I was 10 years I had 16 year old girls sexually harass me in the library. I was too innocent to know what was going on and the librarian basically kicked them out because they would not leave me alone after I politely asked them to do so. Then year after year I had some weird crazy woman harassing me or stalking me, on the regular. In high school I had a stalker, in college I had a woman break into my dorm room to leave me love notes, etc.

When I post my dating profile to reddit years ago, I got many crazy women DMing me. Something about my face just drives them wild and they start projecting their crazy psycho fantasies onto me. Normal women don't find me attractive, they just think I'm boring. But if she is damaged and not taking her meds, she thinks I'm the hottest guy ever.

sorry, where is this group that hates nobody?

part of the definition of a social group is about who it includes and who it exudes, and who it blames for societies faults and issues. and they all think their group isn't hateful.

...really, bud? The argument you're going to make is that all groups hate people?

I'm in a baking group with some local people in my neighborhood. We make cookies and cakes to share with one another, and sometimes make things for people in the area who don't have the time or money to afford a birthday cake or something. Yes, there are people who are included and excluded from our group - namely anyone who wants to join can join, and anyone who doesn't, doesn't have to. Sounds real hateful to you, I'm sure. I'm also in a D&D group - we exclude people who we don't think are a good fit with our group cohesion, but we always do so with respect, leaving things on good terms. Who exactly do we hate?

Now, I am also a part of hateful groups. For example, I hate Nazis because they chose to be hateful scumbags. I also hate billionaires because they chose to hoard wealth at the expense of everyone else's wellbeing. I would never hate someone for something they can't control, like their gender or race, though. As I said, the only thing you can judge people on are the actions and decisions they specifically made.

Right, so if you are hate people, it's justified, but if someone else does it, it's not. Gotcha. And otherwise you're morally perfect or something and totally inclusive, except when the people you don't like join you group, then they must be excluded, but it's not hateful! it's just so nice to ask people to leave if they don't fit your 'vibe'.

Oh what about pedophiles? do you not hate them? or do you have to include them in your D&D group as long as they fit the 'vibe'?

Haha, I knew you'd latch onto that. No, I don't exclude people who I "don't like," I tell people who are looking for an experience different from how our group plays the game that they will likely have more fun elsewhere. If they want to give it a shot anyway, they can. But yeah, if they're expecting a D&D game where it's all combat all the time, they'll be pretty bored with our political intrigue game. If they try to force it to be something it's not, we'll ask them to leave because of that choices they made, so that the game can continue.

You want to call it hate? That's fine - it is a form of judgement in the end, after all. But still, it's based on the choices they decided to make, not something they can't control. The most important thing about being in a group is being responsive to the wants of the members of the group. It's called having a normal conversation with someone you're hanging out with, with all the respect that comes with it. I obviously hate pedophiles if they choose to act upon their urges and ruin the life of a child. If they don't, then I wouldn't know about it, so I'd have no ability to judge them one way or another.

The most important thing about being in a group is being responsive to the wants of the members of the group.

Right, so if the group decides they hate a certain other group, you better get on board, no?

Responsive doesn't mean agreeable. But ultimately, if you're part of a group where most of the members want to hate a certain other group for something they can't change, and your disagreement isn't likely to change the dynamics of that group to make them stop being hateful, then as I said earlier, it’s a sign you should leave that group.