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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-08-12 04:02:07+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/GwendolynKingsford

Originally posted to r/AITH

AITA for telling my dad I know about his second family after he asked me to keep a secret from my mom for three years?

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional manipulation and abuse

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Original Post: July 27, 2026

I (23F) found out in June 2023 that my dad (54M) had a child with another woman. I found out by accident, I borrowed his phone to call someone and a message notification came up from a woman named Karen with a photo of a little girl who looked exactly like my dad. I confronted him alone that same night and he broke down and admitted everything. The girl is now four years old. He begged me not to tell my mom (51F) and said he was handling it, that it was complicated, that Karen had agreed to keep things quiet and that telling mom would destroy our family. I was 20 years old sitting across from my father watching him cry and I said okay. I kept that secret for three years.

Every family dinner, every holiday, every time my mom talked about how much she trusted my dad I sat there and said nothing. It affected me more than I told anyone. I started therapy in early 2024 specifically because of the anxiety this secret was giving me. My therapist never told me what to do but kept asking me how long I was willing to carry something that was not mine to carry.

Last month in June 2026 my dad sat me down and told me Karen was threatening to tell my mom herself unless he started paying more. He wanted me to help him figure out how to keep it quiet. That was the moment something snapped. I told him I was done. I could not keep doing this.

Two days later I sat down with my mom and told her everything. She was devastated. She is currently staying with her sister and has spoken to a divorce lawyer. My dad is furious and says I betrayed him and destroyed our family. My younger brother (19M) says I should have stayed out of it. My therapist says I made the right call for my own mental health without telling me it was right or wrong. I genuinely do not know if I did the right thing or just the thing I could no longer avoid doing. AITA?

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Parents who transfer emotional or financial responsibility to their children are cruel. NTA - your dad needs to grow up.

OOP: Thank you. That's exactly what it felt like, being handed something that was never mine to hold at 20, and then being asked to help hide it further at 23. I didn't have the words for it before but "cruel" fits.

Commenter 2: Imagine how your mom feels. You didn’t just know. You knew for three years and kept it from her. I would feel as though you betrayed me as well. For three years, you were complicit in your father's lie and betrayal. Sure, you came clean, but you did it for you, not her. Remember that in the future.

OOP: That's fair, and honestly it's the part I keep sitting with most. I didn't tell her for three years, and yeah, when I finally did it was because I couldn't carry it anymore, not some noble timing on her behalf. I don't think that makes me the villain of it, but I get why it doesn't look clean either.

Commenter 3: The only person who should carry any guilt in this is your father. He lied and cheated on your mother and manipulated you into keeping his secret. He didn't care about her, you, or your mental health. He was completely responsible for it all, not you. Anyone who tries to guilt you is an AH.

OOP: Thank you. Yeah, I keep coming back to that, he's the one who lied, cheated, and then leaned on me to help hold it together. None of that was ever mine to own.

Commenter 4: NTA. It was affecting your health.

OOP: Thank you. It genuinely was, that's why I finally had to let it go.

Commenter 5: The audacity of your dad to say you betrayed him when he begged and pleaded for you to betray your mother after he himself betrayed her!

OOP: Exactly, that word "betrayed" coming from him is what got me. He asked me to be complicit for three years and calls it betrayal when I finally stopped.

Commenter 6: NTA your dad put you in an impossible position and expected you to carry his secret for years. That wasn’t fair to you or your mom. He destroyed the family by cheating, not by you finally telling the truth. You just stopped covering for him.

OOP: Thank you, that's exactly it, I just stopped covering for him. He's the one who put the crack there in the first place.

Commenter 7: You did the right thing. Your mom needs to get tested. And your mom needs to take daddy dearest to the cleaners...he had his cake and ate it.. Cutting your family finances.. To support a second family. And now he's upset for getting caught. He should have divorced your mom if he was that unhappy with her. Do not feel guilty. Hope your mom forgives you too for not telling her sooner Get your mom to get tested Anyone willing to cheat with a married man might be cheating on him too.

OOP: That's a lot to take in, but fair points, especially about the testing, hadn't even thought of that angle. Appreciate you laying it out plainly. Hoping my mom gets there on the forgiveness part too, still an open question right now.

Update: August 5, 2026 (nine days later)

UPDATE: AITA for telling my dad I know about his second family after he asked me to keep a secret from my mom for three years?

It's only been 9 days since I made my original post, but things have moved much faster than I expected.

My mom is still staying with my aunt and has already met with a divorce lawyer to understand her options, although nothing has been officially filed yet. She told me that while the affair itself broke her heart, what hurt even more was realizing my dad had been lying to her for years and had asked me to carry that secret alone. She kept apologizing for not noticing how much it had affected me, and I kept reminding her none of this was her fault.

My dad is still blaming me and insists I destroyed our family instead of giving him more time to "fix things," but I honestly don't know how anyone fixes secretly having another child. We haven't really spoken since.

My younger brother has calmed down a little, even though he's still upset about everything, and I think he's starting to understand why I couldn't keep the secret anymore.

I still haven't met Karen or my half-sister, and I don't know what will happen there. I've continued going to therapy, and while everything still hurts, I also feel a strange sense of relief because I'm no longer carrying a secret that was never mine to keep. Reading the comments on my original post helped me realize that I didn't create this situation, just stopped protecting it.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Deffo NTA mate, your dad is seriously a big one though. Fair play to your mum, would have been easy to lash out at you, your dad on top of being a cheating POS is also a toss bag to you putting that pressure on you. Your brother will come round Hope your mum gets on OK and rinses him for every penny. Don’t know how you will build a relationship with the other woman (I wouldn’t personally but that’s me), but I hope you can kindle some sort of big sibling connection with the half-sister, it’s not her fault, and is still a toddler.

OOP: Thank you. My brother is still struggling, but I hope he'll come around with time. As for my half-sister, she's completely innocent in all of this, and none of this is her fault.

Commenter 2: As previously stated, this was his problem not yours, and it was wrong for him to expect you to carry it. Keep going to therapy.

OOP: Thank you. Therapy has honestly been the only thing keeping me grounded through all of this, and I definitely plan to keep going.

Commenter 3: The destroyer is your father. This is all on his head. NTA.

OOP: Thank you. I'm slowly accepting that, even if it's hard to believe after being blamed for so long.

Commenter 4: Your mum has a big heart, she apologizes for not seeing you carrying the burden! I would love to have her as a friend.

Your dad is irresponsible and lied to your mum so many years. I am very sorry how he treated you. What is different whit more time? All this hurt could only be avoided if he had kept it in his pants many years ago.

I am very sorry for the little girl. She has no father.

OOP: Thank you. My mom has been incredibly strong through all of this, and I hate that she ever had to go through it. I also feel for my half-sister because none of this was her choice.

Commenter 5: Definitely NTA, your brother is understandably upset and he’s lashing out, but at the wrong person, but like you, his world has just fallen around him, and he sounds a young 19yo.

Your dad in the other hand is a fucking child and needs to face up to what he has done and be a man about it rather than pushing it onto...

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Commenter 5: Definitely NTA, your brother is understandably upset and he’s lashing out, but at the wrong person, but like you, his world has just fallen around him, and he sounds a young 19yo.

Your dad in the other hand is a fucking child and needs to face up to what he has done and be a man about it rather than pushing it onto you! You absolutely did the right thing, not just for yourself but the family.

OOP: Thank you. I don't blame my brother for struggling with this. I just wish my dad had taken responsibility instead of expecting me to carry the consequences of his choices.

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