This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-08-15 04:00:07+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Perfect_Research_200

My [21F] boyfriend [25M] said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair.

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: body shaming

---

Original Post: August 5, 2026

For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together since last November. We recently saw the new Spider-Man movie together, and I absolutely loved the way Zendaya's hair looked. For those who might be unfamiliar, her hair was a very deep red, but it was extremely subtle. I thought it was super pretty and I've had a similar hair color in the past before my boyfriend and I met.

Anyways, I brought this up to my boyfriend over text just out of the blue because I've seriously been considering dyeing it. Immediately, he was against the idea and kept saying that he didn't like it and was against hair dye of any color. It was a little off-putting, especially because our conversation up until that point had been nice/playful.

I got curious because of the sudden shift in vibes, so I asked him if he'd dump me if I ever dyed my hair. He said yes, and after two more times of being me being like "seriously?" and "you'd dump me over hair dye?" he stood behind his words. He was very clear that he wasn't joking.

This obviously hurt. It wasn't like I was thinking about drastically changing my hair. I just wanted something noticeable in the sunlight that gave off more of a reddish hue. I have really dark hair and don't have any desire to bleach it, so the result of any hair dye would be very subtle. It also isn't a color that I wouldn't be able to pull off. In the past, it looked so good and it legitimately made me love my hair again.

I told him that I was hurt by what he said and that it felt very superficial. I said that if he truly loves me for who I am, a slight change in hair color shouldn't be a deal-breaker. He followed with "so let's allow me to go get crazy face tattoos and see how superficial you are" and "I'm not supposed to be attracted to you I guess."

He hasn't texted me back since, and I'm honesty very hurt by this situation. I never thought that he would be someone to say those types of things to me. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do from here? Could this be a red-flag for future behavior? Any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair and now I am unsure of what to do next.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: He compares hair dye to face tattoos?

Get rid of this loser and go dye your hair.

OOP: it's crazy because this man is also covered in tattoos 😭 he's sometimes even gotten huge ones without giving me a heads up. I’ve never had a problem with it or have made any comment toward him that controlled what he does with his body.

Commenter 2: My ex had me with bleached blonde hair I hated , no piercings and no tattoos , I left him and got what a lot of ppl would consider a lot of piercings and tattoos haha and started dressing how I want alt/streetwear, and I’ve never felt more like myself and been more proud of myself then the moment I decided to leave him. It will only get worse girl please leave this loser

OOP: Generally before we started dating I've always had more of a hippie style. I love flowy clothes and bright colors and funky jewelry. I've toned it down a lot since we've been together and I honestly miss it so much. Even in the car sometimes he'll give me a funny look when I put on a song I enjoy. I'm starting to realize that I haven't really been myself.

Commenter 3: You break up with him first. First it’s hair, then it’s makeup, then it’s something else and in the end you will realise you lost yourself because he is insecure or because his preferences are somehow more important than your wishes.

During Covid I dyed my hair hot pink. My husband didn’t mind. I switched to blue, he didn’t care. The next dye job was botched, and I tried to fix it and tried to cut the hair into a pixie to make it look better, he was fine with it. I ended up shaving my head and starting anew with my natural hair, and this was the only moment he said “okay, please don’t do that again”.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you for you and not for your appearance.

OOP: This response has really stuck with me the more I read through everyone's comments. Previously, I thought that this was the first time that he's ever exhibited this sort of behavior. Now I'm realizing that I may have just been blind to it up until this point.

I've expressed to him before that I'd love to grow my hair out super long because I've always loved how it looks. I remember him saying that it would be gross and wouldn't look good because it would be "mangy." Even when I said that maybe I could cut it short like to my shoulders, he said that I shouldn't. I've also talked about maybe getting a piercing, and he's shut down every idea I had despite him wanting piercings as well. The only thing he hasn't seemed to mind is the idea of me getting more tattoos, but there are several body placements that he's said I shouldn't do even if I liked them. They were very brief conversations and never back-to-back, so I never realized just how opinionated he was about my appearance.

Update: August 8, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE - My [21F] boyfriend [25M] said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair.

I cannot thank y'all enough for the support I received on my original post. It opened my eyes to a lot of concerning behaviors that my now ex-boyfriend was exhibiting. Yes, we did break up. And honestly? It was easier than I thought it would be.

I ended up dyeing my hair on Friday, and I absolutely love it! It came out so pretty and I'm so glad I went through with it :) My ex, however, was not the happiest obviously. But I'm usually the type of person that gives second, third, and fourth chances, so I asked to speak with him to try to understand why he was having such a big reaction.

Instead of apologizing for his hurtful words or trying to understand my perspective, he chose to continue being disrespectful. When I showed him a picture of my new hair, he replied with "it's definitely a different color." When I asked him if he was unattracted to me now, he said "you aren't completely unattractive." Then, when I asked if he was leaving me, he said "well, how long is your hair going to be red?"

I think to no one's surprise, he kept backtracking on his threat of breaking up with me, which at least one commenter did predict lol. Literally when giving him an easy out by telling him to just leave me, he would circle back to his words being a "joke" and try to continue the conversation.

I told him that no one was forcing him to stay with me if my hair was that big of an issue, and that I refuse to change my hair just because he didn't like it. Ultimately, he has to live with the fact that he left me due to a slight change in hair color. I'm happy with my choices, and I'm happy that I don't have to be in a relationship with someone that could be so unkind.

Also, this definitely isn't my finest moment, but I did do some snooping after the breakup and figured out that his ex long-term girlfriend that he'd broken up with very shortly before getting with me also had dyed red hair. Must've struck a nerve. Oopsies 🤷‍♀️.

TL;DR: Freedom!! We broke up, and my hair is pretty :)

Relevant / Top Comments

Downvoted Commenter: He stated his preference, you stated your preference, your preferences don't align, you separate. Nothing inherently toxic in this singular situation. Good ending.

OOP: from my perspective, the toxicity stems from him being controlling. he is allowed to have his preferences, but the moment he uses that as an excuse to say mean things about my appearance or threaten our relationship over it is the moment where this becomes concerning behavior.

Commenter: Congratulations on the new hairstyle and relationship status.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Lol maybe try tips as compromise.

Bf is still stupid