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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-08-16 04:02:08+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Ill-Secretary-205

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Previous BoRU

[Repost]: AITA for telling my friend that she needs a life of her own and she has to stop leeching off of mine?

Editor's note: adding the verdict and relevant comments in this BoRU as they were not listed in the previous BoRU

Trigger Warnings: stalking, obsessive behavior

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Original Post: June 29, 2021

Hi, my (25F) long-term friend (25F) has a history of doing whatever it is that I'm interested at the moment. She asks questions until she's got a clear idea of what music/books/movies I'm into and then does a whole act of how she 'discovered' that in front of the whole friend group. Being the pushover that I am, I'm sad to say I've let her do this for some time, while slowly trying to put some distance between us.

This also extends to people, any new friend or even acquaintance I make should be cleared with her, and then she makes a (friend) move on them to get closer to them. She has even tried to weasel her way into my family gatherings and private events. She also for some reason keeps telling my dad that she's like the daughter he would have wanted?? (He's as confused as I am, but we learned to laugh it off). I've recently noticed that she is rarely interested in something of her own volition. All her leads are from me. I have been getting tired of her behavior for a while.

Things came to a head a few months ago when she started texting a guy (27M) I've been speaking to for a while (went on a few dates, nothing serious as of now but I’m hoping there would be) and telling him how compatible they could be. He was confused and thought it was me texting from her phone, so he double checked with me. I of course was beyond angry, but instead of confronting her immediately, I told him to ask her why she is doing this and if she was aware that him and I were almost a thing.

Her response to him was to flirt even further and say that her and I always had similar taste but went on to mention how he might be better off with her.

He sent me the screenshots, and I sent them to her and said 'you need to leave me alone. Things in my life are not for grabs. You have leeched off of me for long enough. If you keep this up, I won't have an issue shaming you in our friend group'

She got very standoffish and accused me of 'tricking' her by using the guy's phone to 'make her look bad', she also proceeded to speak badly of me to our friend group.

I might be the asshole cause all this while other than trying to keep some distance between us, I did not properly voice my concerns. She did, however, notice my discomfort at various occasions (especially my family gatherings).

So AITA for handling things this way?

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. But I'm not sure you understand what "friend" means, because this girl isn't one. Yes, you were a bit harsh, but I can understand your frustration. Her behavior is beyond steamrolling your boundaries- it's outright disturbing.

OOP: Every time I try to put some distance between us, she shows up with a personal issue that she can only share with me, and she always guilts me by making it seems like she has no one else to turn to. And Every time, so stupidly I get looped back into the drama.

Downvoted Commenter: ESH. She’s clearly showing some honestly creepy behavior and trying to swoop your guy isn’t cool. But two wrongs don’t make a right, and I feel you responded in anger and could have handled it better. That being said, I think you have 1000% valid points to tell her, but given your long term friendship with her I think a civil conversation would have been in order instead of threatening to ostracize her in your friend group.

OOP: I wasn't in the greatest state of mind while replying to her. I was honestly just beyond myself with anger, and I agree I could have handled it better. But it was sort of like the final straw that broke the camel's back

Commenter 2: NTA. Yes, you could have said something sooner. But this is obviously inappropriate behavior, and you have good reason to suspect she has known that all along and isn't a hopelessly oblivious amoeba.

OOP: I was hoping she would catch on to my discomfort and the timing of me trying to move away, but she would never acknowledge that

Commenter 3: NTA, but you should have just pretended to be in to something really awkward and shameful before this incident. Definitely mislead her from now on, if you guys continue to be friends. I wouldn't, but I'm not you.

OOP: I really wish I did now haha!

Commenter 4: NTA. I wouldn’t say I’d “shame” her to the group, but I’d definitely tell them what she was trying to get up to. If you’d be ashamed of your friend group finding out about something, you probably shouldn’t do it.

OOP: So, some of my (our) friends have mentioned to me how she has in the past seemed to ignore my personal boundaries (esp. with my family events) and how some of her comments seemed off, I've discussed how her trying to copy me has affected me in the past with two of my super close friends so it wouldn't be such a shock to them I feel.

Update: July 8, 2021 (nine days later)

Firstly thanks to everyone who commented to help me out. Some of it was tough love but I read every comment and had a chuckle at a few, but it also helped me realize that the issue wasn't as simple as someone copying my interests.

So after posting, I rang up one of my close friends to let her know what's been happening, she seemed appalled at how my friend made a move on the guy I was seeing. She also confided in me that she often keeps telling her how good and well my life is and how she wishes either her family was like mine or her job was like mine etc. She thought it was just harmless wishing, but when everything was put together it just seemed so unhinged.

I also spoke to my dad and mum about how unnerving it was to have her try and do all the things I do when they told me that once, a few years back while I was completing a work experience training in another city, she offered to come and stay at my house to keep them company. They honestly thought she was joking because she lives in the same city with her family and my training was only for 6 months.

So with this new information I decided it was well and truly the time to cut all contact with her. I have let my friends know that she is no longer a part of my life and to warn me about plans we were both part of and most of them seemed to see this coming. I've also decided to stop being around her other close friends. My friends have also told me that they'd keep her from knowing anything about me/my life updates. (I was the one who brought her into this specific friend circle, a few of them already did not get along with her so they were cool with not hanging out with her.)

After not texting her back for a while, she texted me to say, 'are you seriously going to let this one guy take away our years of friendship' something along the lines of that and I just said 'yes'. She's kept texting and calling constantly, and eventually sent a message saying, 'I hope you and the guy don't work out' and then blocked me. I had refrained from blocking her because I did not want to aggravate her or have her show up at my house. But after she blocked me I blocked her on all social media and told my parents what's happened.

So anyway, I feel better not having her hovering around my life, but I'm sure she is going to try and initiate contact sometime but this time I've decided to stand up for myself.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: I am happy for you. But I’m also afraid for you.

Hopefully she will move onto to something else. And she probably will.

Do you have security cameras? Do you always make sure your doors are locked? Does she know where you work?

OOP: Yes I've recently moved back in with my parents as my work switched to a work from home format and this place is equipped with security cameras and we have two German shepherds which I am pretty glad about.

Commenter 2: I wanted to throw out some tips so you can protect yourself OP (just in case)

Change your passwords so she can’t log into your accounts and read your messages. She might have found a password you wrote down somewhere etc. Go through your friends on social media and delete anyone that you are unsure about. Consider not using social media as much or just post rarely in case she uses another account to view your profile. Make sure your parents have blocked her as well. Consider not going to the same spots to eat if you frequent the same place. Maybe go to a different grocery store if she lives close by.

If you can afford it, get security cameras. If she unexpectedly shows up at the grocery store or at your gym and tries to talk to you, start recording her on a voice memo app.

If she ever leaves notes on your car or shows up to your place of work, that is a big red flag. If any red flags of ...

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Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vpmv2d/repost_aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_she_needs/

Commenter 2: I wanted to throw out some tips so you can protect yourself OP (just in case)

Change your passwords so she can’t log into your accounts and read your messages. She might have found a password you wrote down somewhere etc. Go through your friends on social media and delete anyone that you are unsure about. Consider not using social media as much or just post rarely in case she uses another account to view your profile. Make sure your parents have blocked her as well. Consider not going to the same spots to eat if you frequent the same place. Maybe go to a different grocery store if she lives close by.

If you can afford it, get security cameras. If she unexpectedly shows up at the grocery store or at your gym and tries to talk to you, start recording her on a voice memo app.

If she ever leaves notes on your car or shows up to your place of work, that is a big red flag. If any red flags of stalking start, tell your employers about it as a preventative measure. Also tell your neighbors so they are aware of what she looks like and what car she drives.

If a few red flags happen, then contact your local law enforcement agency. Just in case, read about red flags of stalkers. She might start doing it, but probably won’t. You can also read about obsessive disorders and lack of identity to understand her better.

It’s great that you have already told your friends about this. Don’t keep things to yourself. Don’t forgive her. You can’t trust her. Good luck OP.

OOP: Thank you greatly for this list. I am currently working on removing people from my friend lists. Since we still have restrictions where I live there isn't much of a social life going on and I work from home currently, which is good.

Commenter 3: Good for you. It is lovely to have an update, so thank you for that. I am glad you have gotten so much support from your family and friends. I hope you can continue to live a happy and healthy life

Commenter 4: Yikes. Write all of this down with dates and print out screenshots of anything you can. If she ends up stalking you, having this already prepared can be the difference between getting a restraining order or getting ignored by the police.

This is deeply concerning behavior, but it sounds like you're doing everything right. I had a stalker that escalated to an attempt to kill me (with no consequences from the police) and the stress that being constantly on guard against a threat is physically and mentally draining.

So - my advice to you is that she is not a threat just yet. You don't need to become super-vigilant. If she intends to escalate things, you will definitely know about it, so for now just keep being discrete but don't get obsessive, that wreaks havoc on your body.

Most likely she'll find something else to obsess over. If she does escalate in your life again, then you need to take that very seriously as a safety risk, but you are not at that point right now. You're making good choices, and I'm glad that your tribe is protecting you.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Chunk of the reddit comments Mention a movie called single white female. I never saw it but its lind of the same thing.

The character of Hedy has been cited as an example of borderline personality disorder. She suffers from a markedly disturbed sense of identity, and tries to remedy it by adopting the wholesome attributes of her roommate. It is implied that she feels a deep-seated emptiness, while her fear of abandonment leads to drastic measures.[18]

Miss steal yo man leveled up to miss steal yo family!

Joke aside, This was probably one of the scariest thing I read with possible escalation to op being eaten if it was a horror movie. Good thing op had dependable friend, family, and bf. In any other story they would blame op for not sharing or "you are compassionate share 😡.