ITT: A bunch of exotic insults that make people look like redditors

"A face for radio" is a classic

"This is why people talk about you"

To a performer: “Every time you perform is better than the next.”

To anyone: “I find you argumentative and easily offended.”

Best part of an insult is heading off the retort.

The people who are making things worse are stronger than you, and that's why they're winning. You cannot affect societal change if you're going to balk at the idea of being impolite

Until hearing you talk, I never thought lobotomies could make people smarter

Any variation of phrases where you express disappointment in someone/something

Couldn't happen to a better person.

(After a trajedy or mishap)

Not sure if this qualifies but I always liked the countryness of "so stupid they couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel".

My absolute favorite...

You're not pretty enough to be that dumb

If it isn't tall in the middle and sloped on both sides it would be a line graph because it would not be bell shaped.

Two I like from history:

A lady called Winston Churchill drunk. Churchill replied: "Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly. I shall be sober in the morning."

Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand, when asked about the migration of NZers to Australia replied "Well, it raises the IQ of both countries."

Heard a new one related to men dating women way too young for them: "Those old men walkin' around with embryos"

From a goodwill cashier

At the renaissance festival today there was a shirt with the horsey chess piece and a bub le caption "ni". Almost came home with me.

I once said stop acting like you're beautiful

"The young gentleman is an excellent ration powered space heater."

Heard this back in basic for a young officer cadet who was absolutely useless aside from the fact that they were capable of heating up a ten person tent via their normal body heat.

You're not good looking enough to be that much of a narcissist.

I shall be sober in the morning.

Highly doubt lmao

I was playing TF2 the other day and someone senta message in chat that was just a link to a state unemployement benefits page lmao.

I love TF2 but haven't played it for a while. Is it still holding up? I heard there are a lot of bots now :/

'you're not like other people are you?'

'you know how everyone hates the French? Even the French hate you...'

Oh hon,

You're not pretty enough to have that type of personality

Couldn't organise a root in a brothel

Valve finally got off of their ass last year and fixed a ton of crap and pretty much banned all of them. Haven't seen any since.

They also open sourced the SDK so most of the updates include a ton of community bug fixes

Awesome!

'you're not like other people are you?'

I don't find this one inherently insulting. I'd probably say thanks.

For about five minutes as he slowly shambles his enormous body out of bed

Great song. Never released on an album either, only as a single (then later on Greatest Hits compilations)

I'm sure the Python loved it when their jokes were explained in excruciatingly boring detail

Ouff thats worse than "ur family tree looks like a telephone pole"

For a few minutes, anyway...

It's all in the delivery, there needs to be a level of sustain, disgust or confusion in the last part.

That dude had a mission to be constantly buzzed.

Scotch for breakfast, champagne for lunch, don't even talk about dinner....

"I bet we'll see you on the news someday."

That's good news! I should install it back.