I was married for 20 years and then separated. While the divorce was going through, I got on the apps. It's kind of addictive to swipe through the people, read the bios and decide on whom to approach. Then when you get a match, it's a buzz (someone finds me interesting!) and you get chatting, which can be fun, flirty, or just ordinarily pleasant. When you get to meet someone, it can be anything from instantly clicking with them through to finding them deathly boring. For women, this spectrum goes deeper into "is this safe?" territory.

For me, there was a period where a long-distance relationship that started from Tinder was opened up (mutually) and I thought that polyamory was an option for me. I had a lot of matches that I had to ask whether they'd read my profile carefully, and then decided that wasn't for them, but I had more new sexual experiences than ever before in my life, and that was exciting - I learned a lot about myself, including that I really want domesticity.

Then I found myself drifting into a new committed relationship and got off the apps, and life returned to normal, which for me was a relief - I really don't miss the excitement, because dating is a major time and energy suck, and I'd rather put that energy into one person. And the new relationship (almost 5 years now) is the best I've ever had. Low conflict, high trust, lots and lots of love.

I'm not best looking, I'm just decent looking.

I just don't have shitty photos and I have an actual personality in my text.

people i do know in 40 also can't hold a conversation for more than like 5 minutes without taking out their phone.

and then complain they don't have 'deep conversations'. yeah well.. you actively do everything you can to prevent that... that's how it goes.

I get the feeling sooner or later "dating apps" are gonna block messages mentioning real physical locations because the algorithm/ai concluded that meeting irl has occasionally been connected to people deleting the app, and they can't allow folks to delete the app.

I just don’t have shitty photos and I have an actual personality in my text.

I don't know what you look like or how your personality is, but as a woman who's used dating apps many times before, I can confirm that this alone puts you ahead of the game.

When I see a guy's profile and it says nothing but "ask me," it's an instant skip. Your profile is the space to advertise yourself; if a person's not going to put in the one-time effort to fill in a profile, how can I expect them to put in the sustained effort necessary for an on-going relationship?

Sure sure Mr Ryan Reynolds, I believe you.

if I was that attractive i'd be getting 100s of matches per month.

I get like 5 a week.

but I'm sure if you were on it for 9 months and got 0 matches... you'd think it wasn't possible to get any.

I know guys more attractive than me, who get way more matches than me. it's all about how physically and emotionally appealing you are. it's just that... most men are not either. and if you start telling them why, they lose their minds because they take pride in their unappealing characteristics, like their passion for Linux.

Enshittification strikes again. I met my wife on there but that was 10 years ago.

You know, pretty soon we can become the disruptors by making products and services that fucking work. What an idea.

I haven't used tinder in over 10 years. Even back then it was half-bots and scammers. I did use bumble for a while but met my now-ex in person so no help there. After we broke up I used bumble and hinge with more success on hinge.

I did occasionally get a month or package through bumble, party to see who swiped right for me but also didn't swipe-lock me per day. The swipes I got were real people but I never saw the option because they were beyond my maximum radius...like they traveled closer, saw me, swiped then went home before I could "see" them.

It's all a big scam obviously but not from my perspective in that regard

I'm so glad I have never had to make a tinder account and deal with this BS. I've been with my now wife since before it launched. The whole experience seems miserable.

It's akin to finding a job. But even more harsh on your self image.

I'm sorry that sucks. Enshitification for sure. 10 years ago it was a good app. Met my wife on there. Lot of my friends met their partners there. Luckily there are so many good apps these days that you don't even need to worry about missing out on someone because of how shitty the app is now.

Might be a local culture thing. Where I used to live, I constantly had people of all ages and genders coming up to me, asking about the dogs, gushing over them, inviting the dogs to the bar, etc.

The funny thing about the culture in Germany, is I don't live in Germany.

So it doesn't matter to my life. What matters is the culture where I live, in my city.

Why post in a community for casual conversations if you aren't interested in other people's experiences?