It is also a very big thing to demand of young and unexperienced men to be vocal about their desires, because men are also being conditioned to have only a few states - stoic, angry or horny. So we are on pretty even ground here, because admitting that last part is not that easy if you are a decent guy and respect your partner. And if that man is worth a shit, he will respect you and not just want to fuck you every waking moment, while also having other interests that are a very healthy thing to have.

Demanding that people do their part in a relationship and voicing what they need to feel appreciated is not a big ask, it is the basis of any relationship. Demanding that a partner drops whatever they are currently doing because you feel horny might be ok or might be rebuffed, and both are valid answers and have to be respected. But the important part here is that YOU ASK, and not air the dirty laundry on social media instead because you were not capable of initiating a dialogue with your partner.

His stuff is absolutely great.

This one in particular is riveting. And this one is especially riveting.

Exactly. I hang out in my underwear and in the nude all the time with my partner, it doesn't mean anything sexual for us. It is a sign of climate change. For us, we just tell each other.

Yeah, I've had exes where them being in their underwear meant they wanted to have sex. It also meant they were just getting ready for bed and weren't the slightest bit interested. If I was in bed watching a video on my phone it means I've already broached the subject and been shot down. I'm not going to make an attempt again just because she took her clothes off. She's going to need to actually communicate if she changed her mind.

when a partner will never make a move, or hasn’t made a move in a long time.

That's how I've ended up in situations like the OP. If she's shot me down the last 20 times I've tried to initiate anything I'm going to stop doing it. It's on her to let me know when she's in the mood at that point. I'm not gonna just keep dealing with rejection and feeling like I'm pressuring her to do shit she's not interested in for whatever reason.

I can’t speak to medieval sword making docs, but Nova has an amazing one on Viking weaponry called Secrets of the Viking Sword. I very much enjoyed it.

This proves that the classics can still be reposted.

Yeah I had an ex who had to tell me the opposite. She just had weird germophobia about sitting on public seats then sitting on home furniture. I thought she was always just raring to go when we returned to one of our apartments.

Bold to assume any heteronormative women to who this advice applies are reading your message here.

My wife is ace/demi so I have to initiate it; otherwise, it's rarer than Mewtoo. I'd enjoy being pursued sometime because it'd be a boost to my self image.

It was a general advice, and it does not only apply to heteronormative women - i only used "ladies" because it matched the OP and because heteronormative women are probable the most susceptible to this way of thinking. This is general relationship advice, because communicating your needs is necessary for any successful relationship, regardless of gender.

The Viking culture arose and fell during the Medieval era....

I would argue that they're classics because they get reposted.

I feel like this is the type of comment that, were it posted to one of the big sites, would've gotten reposted to the rest of them. Not unlike the original meme.

Yup. Completely agreed.
Romantic relationships have a strong tendency to be very dysfunctional precisely because of this. It's made worse by most girls not knowing how limited a guy's emotional repertoire is required to be, and most guys not knowing how strongly the society is conditioning girls to mute their desires.

And for this, that you ask for, to be possible some day, we really must do better!

Eh it’s a turn off to literally say it but I just grab the dick and smoosh the titties In his face and he gets the idea pretty fast. (Of my partner, of course)

Current society is pushing all genders too much into stereotypes, and it is harmful to all of us, i am with you on this one. I am GenX, and i am keenly aware about what society wanted me to be - a man with a very limited amount of possible emotional expression. I am lucky that i escaped that rigid framework because of the people i met in my life.

The current patriarchy is harmful to all of us. Men are reduced to a few basic emotional responses, while women are muted alltogether.

These things can only improve through open and honest discourse between genders (which luckily is happening! Not everywhere and equally distributed, but it is occurring) to make all genders aware that the most important thing is being open about what they need and how to fulfill it. That is really the basis of any stable relationship.

There's a reason shows like MASH and Seinfeld see so much viewership in syndication.

Run the classics, baby! People want it!

I know - plainly saying that you wanna get some action can be hard. But it gets easier the more often you do it if your partner goes along with it in my experience! It validates you in some primal way, because it isn't just a default response to titties and dick grabbing - it is an response to YOU acting on him. The experience of your partner getting fucking excited by what you are doing to him is worth it, and it should also be reciprocated by his actions at another point in time. It ensures both of you that you still find each other attractive.

Yep, that's my experience too. After a series of getting shown the door, she has to announce when it's ok again. This is a basic curtesy to expect from a partner (regardless of gender) that was not in the required headspace for sex for a while.

I think they are saying women are rare here and among us, due to being the type of person that would be on lemmy, are unlikely to be this kind of prude anyways.

That's a harsh situation if your self-worth is hinging a lot on being desired. But it is also something that can be overcome with communication and some basic agreements if both of you really want to pursue that relationship. I am pretty sure that if you told her that your self-images hinges on her desiring you, that she would occasionally go out of her way of expressing how much you mean to her.

Right but most people don’t really thinking Viking when you’re discussing medieval swords. Hence the addendum.

Thanks!!!

That is of course a valid assumption, but i assume that the amount of women here is larger than we all suspect, exactly because of these cliches.

For real. I was made to feel like I was broken for so long because it turns out I'm Ace. My ex had me convinced for years that I was being emotionally neglectful and abusive because I wasn't horned up for her basically 24/7 and would start huge screaming fights any time I had the audacity to say "No" to her advances for literally any reason. Then she'd go completely cold on me for days sometimes weeks at a time.

But it was all my fault because I wasn't "Making her feel desired enough" or whatever. She eventually pretended to be poly to Monkey Branch to one of my friends. That was fun.

That's not weird. Sitting on home furniture in the same clothes you sat on a bus means depositing particles of bum vomit and god knows what else on your home furniture.

Most people here assume I'm a dude haha. But then tbh I assume most people here are dudes too.

*soft rod though

You have to learn how to make medieval swords clearly