To be fair, "grown up" could be 19 or 95 :) so keep trying!

[insert any completely normal behavior here].

causing so much destruction at the park/McD's/arcade that required to be close for renovations

Yeah. I was a toddler losing my shit. My little brain couldn’t handle subtleties. Bees=sting was all I could manage.

"Trans people are just gay men who are willing to become women to sleep with more men." From my mother who had a bachelor's degree in biology.

Not only incredibly transmisogynistic, but also confused me a lot as a transmasc kid hitting puberty and wondering why my body suddenly felt very, very wrong in ways beyond the norm.

My pronounced cowlick on right side of my forehead was from when I was a baby and my mom let a cow lick me and the cow spit made my hair get stuck that way. I was probably 4 at the time, believed her, and I was very offended that my mom had been so irresponsible as to allow this and leave me permanent defaced. I didn't really question it again until i was probably 8-10

So? What was the wad of aluminum foil doing crammed into the upper corner of the window?

Ah, c'mon that was ONE time. Why you gotta go bringing up old shit?

Much more inconsequential than some of the answers here, but I believed well into my 20s that it was illegal to turn the overhead light on in a car while driving at night.

I get where it comes from though. Many jurisdictions have laws that require "appropriate footwear" while driving. Many people interpret this at face value and think it means footwear is required. Most of the time though, either a definition within the statute or case law will stipulate that bare feet is considered appropriate. What they're really trying to prevent is people driving in flip-flops, untied shoes, or other footwear that can get caught in the pedals.

"You'll be better off when you're older"

Whenever one of these questions comes up, all I have to say is my parents were saints compared to so many. I was raised without religion, whenever I asked something they did their best to answer honestly, never forced me to do stupid shit, etc.

My brother, on the other hand...

or home of the brave.

wo wo whooaa wo wha whoaa

Women are intellectually, emotionally, and physically inferior to men. That one sort of backfired on him because his daughters worked to disprove that bullshit and don't have relationships with him but his son barely graduated high school and hasn't worked ever and lives at home at 40. He's in for a rude awakening when they die because I'm not taking care of lazy men. He'll die without a caretaker.

You have strange parents. Square eyes? Spots on your tongue? Bizarre.

"This will go on your permanent record".

Outrageous lie back in the 80s.

Unfortunately true today with the internet and the surveillance state.

If you lie, you get spots on your tongue

Oh lmao the spots on your tongue thing is ancient. Transient lingual papillitis, also called "lie bumps". Ton of cultures share the myth that you get them from lying - we don't know what causes them (and fuck do they hurt) and they're rarely talked about, so it's always weird to run into that in the wild; it seems so absurd you'd never expect it to be as widespread as it is.

Moving to the US the general level of fear is soooo noticable.

Someone warned me not to hold my bus money in my hand, like the sight of $2 was gonna get me stabbed in Portland 😆

Ironic, since these parents are choosing to be terrible people filled with hate.

guns make you safe

my ex tried to kill herself with pills, i think if we had a gun she would have succeeded. i think every person i have known to die of gun wounds were self inflicted

My health class was taught by our gym teacher and she was terrible at it. Some points I remembered being taught:

• Hypertension is when the hamstrings of your legs shrink because you don't stretch every morning. Hypertension can kill you, so make sure you stretch.
• All drugs make you hallucinate. Every single one of them. Usually dragons. People die on drugs because they're trying to get away from the dragons and jump off buildings or run into traffic.
• Babies have super suction power which they use to breastfeed. An adult cannot get milk from a breast because they can't suck hard enough.

I learned these were wrong after starting secondary school where biology was taught by someone who studied biology. Except for the breastfeeding thing. That one was through personal research.

Exactly, WHY disagree?

Bowling? Throwing a huge heavy ball at some things that don't move?

Not very sportsman like.

Let’s find out!

Now that I think about it, this is surely almost always a lie? I doubt many people will keep loving someone once they find out they're a serial killer, pedophile, or worse, a conservative.

"Appropriate footwear" oh you mean "feet prisons"?

Raised by a hard right parent. Was told that outside the US, every country was basically third world. Even the UK, people there still living in the mud in medieval times under a tyrannical monarchy or some shit.

A more humorous lie I was told was if you swallowed chewing gum, you'd blow bubbles out of your butt. A family friend who told me that said it happened to their dog.

I like sports and reading. Am I asexual or also bi?

The KKK / Neonazis / White Supremacists are in the past.

I don't think my parents even taught me this, but it still felt like "history". Realising how much is still active was a wake up...

Well maybe liberty should get rid of the fur ball mascot

my sister and I were little demons!!!

Some older people truly believe that the US is the only civilized country on earth. I was told the same as a kid whenever I complained about anything. They'd say that children born anywhere else in the world would be so much more grateful than me to be growing up in the best country on earth. This was in Kansas too, which in hindsight makes it even funnier.

Because then no fighting over ball. Can’t have that, now can we?

serial killer, pedophile, or worse, a conservative.

We can still love each and every one of them, and tell them so during visiting hours. Especially the conservative, as I suspect they quickly become some bubba's bitch.

All I got is weird, but ultimately harmless ones.

• If you eat the bread ends, you'll eventually become able to whistle.
• If you sit too close to the TV, your eyes will turn square.
• If you swallow chewing gum, a chewing gum tree will grow in your belly.

i think every person i have known to die of gun wounds were self inflicted

I'm worried you know enough people to make a statistically significant conclusion.

Prior art confirms: overwhelmingly, the gun you are shot with will be your own. Next is one weilded by someone well-known to you.

i didn't claim to give statistically significant conclusion, my statement was clearly anecdotal, so you can take it as such without being misleading

Trade schools are for those who couldn't make it into college.

I would have absolutely gone into welding if I had been told the honest truth about what the trades can earn.

I just wanted to share that I’ve been reading “Lies My Teacher Told Me” and it’s really good!

If you make that face, it'll stay like that.

I was told this as well, so I'd try to look as sad, afraid and angry as possible. I'd contort my face for hours, trying to push the corners of my mouth down till it hurt. I wanted it to stay like that, so when I went to school the next day somebody would ask me what's wrong and I could tell them about my father beating the shit out of me every day. Unfortunately, it did not stay and nobody asked.

Similar story - binmen. Teachers warning you that'll be you if you dont try hard and get good grades.

Id fucking love to be a binman, way better hours, pay and perks than any other job ive ever worked.

My parent’s friend told me that wind was caused by trees swaying and I looked pretty stupid when I proudly told my class this fact as a high school senior.

Garden gnomes: "The fuck is this shit?"

"The fuck? Is this shit?"
FTFY

Better live in a country where welders qualify for early retirement then, as the welders I've known have all developed issues with their eyesight, often starting in their late 20s or early 30s. Yes there's a mask and every professional welder uses it because they know just how quickly they'd fuck up their eyes otherwise, but even then you're still staring at a spark for a significant portion of your workday.

Health-wise, it's one of the worse trades to get into because of that. Financially, of course... that's probably part of why it pays so well.

I'm starting to believe some level of sociopathy is also required

Except for the breastfeeding thing. That one was through personal research.

ಠ_ಠ

Disapproving of someone's choices and actions doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. In fact that's why it hurts more when someone you love does something truly heinous. It's often hard to just suddenly let go when it's your child, sibling, etc.

Kids are still getting that advice. Had a 15 year old in a few months back getting his CV out there already for when he finishes school. Dressed in a smart shirt and tie and everything.

Definitely, 100%, no question his 60-something dad was outside in the car.

I thought people usually chased the dragon, rather than running away.