Not exactly misheard but what I came up with and which became canon to my household despite not really sounding alike:

Tape Five's 'Taxi to Bombay' became 'Text me Your Butthole.' (And please do not.)

Edit: Just remembered an actual misheard one. I am a bit hard of hearing, and the They Might Be Giants song Subliminal I heard as Submersible. Considering that the lyric is 'Subliminal... in an unnoticeable way,' my interpretation was pretty damned funny.

Oh I was maybe 22, 23, loudly singing along with Elton John as he belted out "love I feel it in my haaaands, I can tell by the things I would do with another maaaan!" when I realized that probably was not something someone would sing back then. It literally had never occurred to me that he could be singing anything else, and it still sounds like that to me.

Love lies bleeding is the NAME of the song, but I'd never heard it announced or seen it.

Love lies bleeding in my hands

Oh it kills me to think about you with another man

In the song "Better Dig Two" by The Band Perry, the chorus has the line "I'm gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two". There was a good like year or so where I heard it replacing the d in gravedigger with an n.....

Also in the song "High Horse" by Kacey Musgraves I thought it was just a really long way of saying "whores" I stead of "high horse".

AFI, Summer Shudder.

The actual lyrics are "Under the summer rain" and somehow I kept hearing "Priest on a lake" the first several times I heard it.

Not originally me but I sure hear it now, in Empire State of mind Alicia keys says “concrete jungle where dreams are made of” which is a pretty shit bar in an otherwise good song. A popular way to mishear it is “concrete jungle wet dream tomato”, which makes only slightly less sense

Ozzy Osborne is famously known for mishearing the lyrics to Jimmy Hendrix’ Purple Haze as “excuse me while I kiss this guy”.

When listening to Bad Moon Rising, instead of "there's a bad moon on the rise" I hear "there's the bathroom on the right"

A song by Fear factory called Linchpin the intro the singer goes "can't take me apart!" Sounds like "cat, give me your paw!!"

Pretty Young Thing, at least as Michael Jackson told us.

I thought it was “I’ve become a wet dream tomato, there’s nothing you can do.”

Linkin Park's When They Come for Me:

try the ketchup motherfucker

"What's up with this jet pussy"

the song is Jealousy by Slum Village

"Once We're Dead" by Mariah Carrey

(One Sweet Day)

😛

The hymn Lead on Oh King Eternal sounded like Lead on oh kinky turtle to a very young me.

Sex and buy lunch! Sex and buy lunch. Sex and buy lunch! Sex. And. Buy lunch.

I can only hear "sex in Berlint". Looks like they're really into spy x family.

In Belle and Sebastian's "Me and the Major' my brain will simply not hear anything except

"Me and the midget don't see eye to eye"

Which I find funny on a couple of different levels.

ha!

No toucan, take! No toucan, take!

Have you seen the meme video of this song?)

I used to hear "Honest, Lucille" instead of "Our lips are sealed" from The Go Gos.

Easily the best Elton John track

Also, same album

It's 7 o'clock and I want a cock

Gotta get a belly full of jizz

Also, I knew I was forgetting the best one. I sang this with my whole heart and soul from the time it came out ~1997 until somebody corrected me ~2020 pandemic:

"I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feelin', an earthy feelin'
I believe in the faith that grows"
....

"And the four eyed goats can make me cry" right?

Wrong! It turns out it's "And the four right chords can make me cry"

Apparently when I was two or three years old, I insisted the lyric was "If you're gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a parallelogram."

The only song about crystal meth to make it into a Disney film.

Oh man, reminds me of kissthisguy.com. Back when the internet was still run by humans.

Tell you one I recently realized: Chattanooga Choo Choo. I don't know who the "original" artist of that one was, it's been a country-western staple for awhile. Came back into my attention recently because I was rewatching Hyce & KaN's Let's Podcast of Railroads Online, and one of several backing tracks is an instrumental version, so the song got stuck in my head. Singing it while doing dishes, I got to a lyric I never understood, and looked it up.

The lyric I heard:

There's gonna be a certain party at the station

Satin and lace, a hustacauphanie face

I...didn't know what "hustacauphanie" meant. My brain did that thing where I assume a word exists I'm not familiar with. Like, you know how sometimes women's skin is compared to alabaster? Hustacauphanie might have been dead people talk for some luxurious or exotic material or...something. So I looked it up. The actual lyric is:

There's gonna be a certain party at the station,

Satin and lace, I used to call 'funny face'

The songwriter managed to pack the entire second act of It's A Wonderful Life into half a lyric. We don't have compression algorithms that good anymore.

Great, now the song is gonna sound even funnier in my head. Gotta read this to my 5 yr old. He loves the misheard version.

Esa son Reebok o son Nike

For some reason when I was a kid, I thought the song "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield said "You know I wish that I had Tootsie Rolls" instead of "You know I wish that I had Jessie's Girl".

I still don't know why i thought he was singing about tootsie rolls, but that's how I used to sing along to it

A friend thought "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols was "Streaky Bacon". Another thought "Battery" by Metallica was "Bakery" (pronounced BAK-A-RAY).
In keeping with the food theme I thought the lyric "fingernails, cigarettes; a lousy dinner" in the Replacements 'I Will Dare' was "bacon and cigarettes" for longer than I care to admit.

Oh, adjacent: when I was a child I saw Grease and thought 'Greased Lightning' was the rippingest song around. I had a little comic book that was stills from the film and word bubbles overlaid with the dialogue and song lyrics. My mother caught 4yo me singing the word shit and tuned me up. I had no idea what I had done wrong.
Unable to sing my favourite song because of one pesky word i decided to make up a placefiller word that would solve my problem. The nonsense word I invented ? CLIT.
BingPowClunk

I forever thought the chorus of Billy Squire's song The Stoke was "Slow dance jug band."

That's how I sang it when I was a kid and I simply never reevaluated it as I grew up.

My SIL thought Battery was backdoor-raid. I still can't unhear it

Brian Adams - Summer of '69

Actual lyrics to start the song:
I got my first real six-string,
bought it at the five and dime

What I always hear, sung so proudly and nostalgically:
I got my first real sex dream
down at the five and dime

I always heard... Hold me closer, I'm tired of dancin'.