I want to start with a bit of a story. A few months ago I was laid off.

I was too stressed from the layoff to eat and lost a lot of weight. My doctor said I may have cancer. I started going through tests ultimately to find out I am clear. My friend at the same time was diagnosed and died of cancer shortly after.

I found a job right away, but my other friend and coworker didn't. For the last ~10 months I searched for jobs for with him until I knew he had healthcare and medicine.

Now that he is employed I feel like I lack a purpose. I wonder why I survived and thrived when so many others can't. I really don't feel I deserved that.

I always found Buddhism interesting but a few months ago it just clicked. It was like I found where I should be. There's no temple near me that is in English and I'm far too shy for a local community. I'm kind of following what I think is a path with no clear direction at times.

I feel the need to solve the world's problems. I just don't know how. I don't know where to start. I just want to help. And I want to be a better whatever I am. I didn't take any vows. I don't really know how to proceed. Heck I don't even think I meditate correctly. I'm still alive when others are not; and I want to take advantage of that. I want to make the world better.

I'd like your input.

Edit; I got a lot of work to do. Thank you all for your kind words.