I've talked many times about how I think gender is silly and should be abolished, as a social concept.

Today, though, I was wondering about tomboys. It's a concept, and I definitely have an idea of a tomboy in my head, but I'm not sure I actually know a tomboy. I think I might've known some tomboys as a child, meaning, other children, but where do tomboys go when they grow up?! This question has been vexxing me a little, to be frank. I don't really care, I suppose, and my point on gender stands regardless of the answer to the question, but it's bugging me.

I can't think of an adult tomboy that isn't a masc lesbian. I guess, maybe Angela Giarratana?

Anyway, I wore jeans.

Hi! I helped raise a lot of kids over the years. Big family. Never actually been a dad. So, the tomboys I know are basically just girls who wear pants and play in the dirt. That's actually more of them than you think. The idea we (guys) have of little girls who wear dresses and do their hair and nails and never get dirty? That's a product companies have been trying to sell since the 1950s. It's not really real, though some girls are like that. Not all of them, and I'd even say not most of them.

One of my cousins was the biggest tomboy, and half the family thought she'd come out of the closet in her teens. She's in her 30s now, she's not married, but she's straight as far as I know. She also likes to fight me. If I see her, she will attack me. Not to harm, she just likes to wrestle. I used to pick her up and toss her around when she was small (again, not to harm, just play fighting) and now she's a big girl. Not fat, not even really pudgy. But also built like a brick shithouse. I mean she's big boned and strong. She also, I imagine, has a side of her where she wants to be intimate with men, but I've never seen that side of her and I probably never will (nor do I want to, she's 13 years younger than me, and I'm coming up on 20 years married). But when it comes to me, she's a fighter. But we're also friends. It's just one of those relationships you have with the guys where you can expect to get punched in the arm, except she's female. Being one of the guys doesn't mean she's gay or trans though.

As for where they wind up? I dunno. Police/Security? Look at lady cops. Some of them are pretty, sure, but a lot of them look like they could kick your ass. Look at WNBA and other women's pro sports organisations. Look at women who work in factories, or in retail places that aren't customer service, like stocking, inventory management, whatnot. They exist. And some of them may be gay, but only about as many of them, percentage wise, as women in general, percentage wise.

As to your greater point... I don't know. In some contexts I could agree. As a straight guy, if I were dating, I'd definitely want to know what I was in for. I wouldn't want it to be a surprise when I get in someone's pants. So I think roles serve some good. I dunno. But again, I'm nearly 20 years married. I know people all across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and, it should go without saying, but, they exist, I'm glad they exist, and I love that they are who they are and can be comfortable in their own skin. On one hand, I know some people don't like labels and you have pansexual people who don't care if someone's male presenting, uses he/him, but has a vulva in their pants, or vice versa, or any combination therein. They fall in love with the person, and I think that's beautiful. But it's not me and it's not everyone. I think everyone deserves to be happy. I think everyone has a place. I don't think anyone should be excluded, even if they don't comfortably fit with a label. I think nonbinary people are wonderful. I could be friends with one. I have some in my family. They are absolutely valid and they don't have a fixed gender they identify with, and that's fine. Those of us who do fit a label, I think it's also fine we use one. Ultimately, I think the pansexuals could teach us something: the person is more important than their labels (if they have them at all).

On the tomboy issue: yeah, the more I thought about it the more I could name. I have a cousin that's definitely a tomboy, for example, and she's straight, as far as I know; I suppose she could be bi, but she's had long-term boyfriends, at least.

On the labels/gender: I really do think it's not good to have labels. I'm not talking about identities, mind you, meaning I'm not saying that people shouldn't be who they are; what I'm saying is that having a social concept that separates people based on those inherent identities is bad.

Everyone should be who they are, and it's great that they are who they are, and that's lovely. We totally agree here! Your kindness is inspiring, may I add.

Those of us who do fit a label, I think it’s also fine we use one.

I'm really not sure it is fine... I think it's a discrimination with benefits so minuscule as to be negligible, and harms so great as to be unforgivable. I'm not saying we should act as if there are no distinctions between people; I'm saying we should take those differences as they come, we should allow expression of those differences by all, and we should accept everyone as they are.

Labels... Labels are fine if the distinction they signify is meaningful, maybe. What distinguishes a woman from a man, that couldn't distinguish a man from another man, or a woman from another woman? Having a uterus? Except the ones that don't. Having a vagina? Except the ones that don't. Breasts? Except the ones that don't, or the man that do. Skills, talents, preferences, opinions, ideas... What is valuable about this distinction? I fail to see it. If there are differences between people, and there are differences between people, of course, they can be communicated in another way, surely.

At the end of the day, I think gender is a construct of the patriarchy without a reason to exist, other than to separate humans from each other and generating a hierarchy. The fact some manage to exist in this system without enforcing the inherent discrimination of gender is a testament to particular humans, not a justification for gender, in my opinion.