Whenever I get stressed, I feel my life drain from me. Years get sapped from my lifespan every minute I spend stressed out...

I feel similar about some other things. When I don't go for a walk, I feel like I lose some time later; when I don't eat healthy; when I don't exercise; when I don't keep my mind active; when I spend time watching random stuff on YT that I'll forget in the next few minutes. It's like I'm trading my future life for current pleasures, or worse: mindless blurs.

Sometimes, it's OK. I think it's fine to eat not-so-healthy, sometimes. It's a trade-off, and that's OK; but there are things that are not OK! They're stupid trade-offs, horrible trades that should never be made, and would never be made by a rational actor acting rationally. I aspire to be that rational actor; though I understand I can never reach that ideal, it still hurts when I fall short. I think that's a good thing, by the way. If it didn't hurt, maybe the drive to improve wouldn't be so pressing.

I just... I guess it really upsets me that I don't know what the right answer is. I don't know what I should be doing at any given time. I do have some ideas, that's true, and I don't always (or even often) follow what I suspect to be the right answer, but still, the uncertainty hurts.

I think this becomes a corollary of something I wrote about not-so-long ago, actually. We should do what we think we should do.

Simple as that.

I wore shorts, today.