I have never met a bigger group of morons in my life than in this thread, congratulations for eliminating my faith in the intellect of humanity.

Looks like hot water with a brown crayon in it.

Let's not overlook the spots of curdled spoiled cream on top

Weird. I only drink black and this has never happened to me. Not sure why you're getting the short end of the stick

I'm not sure

But one thing I am sure of, is there's always somebody like you who pops up to insist the problem does not exist

You're probably a barista

My job as the customer is to say "black coffee please". The rest is not up to me. So I can't speculate why people cannot comprehend the concept of black coffee.

Damn who put milk in your coffee?

Yeah, that's not what I said. Enjoy your creamer

I accidentally had dairy for the first time in years the other day for a similar reason. Local café. Ordered some tofu and a mocha with oat milk. Nothing else. Get my order, and the mocha has dairy whipped cream (the only kind they have). Nowhere on the menu does it say it comes with whipped cream. No one making it stopped and wondered "huh". I wasn't even with anybody to pawn it off onto. And sending it back means it just goes in the trash.

It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose.

Even "long coffee" is darker than this. I guess it's 25-33% coffee. Infuriating indeed.

Clean your car before whatever is growing in it becomes sentient.

The coffee looks gross, but somehow not the most infuriating part of this image

There is no curdled spoiled cream, I think you're either having a very bad day and looking for things to complain about, or you have a victim complex.

You know how people with anti-tailgating bumper stickers are also the worse and most clueless drivers going ten under the speed limit?

I think we've found the reason why people don't care if your order is correct or not.

Huh, where I'm from, when you order a simple coffee you'll always get it black and then there is a little station where you can add milk, sugar, creamer yourself and the lids are also at that station. You'll only get it 'pre mixed' when you order a coffee specialty like Latte or Cappuccino.

Also in my personal opinion, from a good espresso machine, percolator or even French press I like a black coffee once in a while, but drip filter coffee is only palatable with milk. Sometimes not even then.

Lol your dirty cupholder is also mildly infuriating.

I truly think this is either just bad luck on your part or poor communication.

You've probably never been a barista.

I get coffee with c & s sometimes, black sometimes, depending on what I feel like. But I always make it crystal clear exactly how much cream and sugar I want. If I want it black, I don't just say "black coffee please". I say "coffee, NO cream NO sugar".

They get orders for coffee many times a day, and most people want c & s, and most people even expect it without specifying it. So even though you say "black", it may not register unless you clarify that that means no cream, no sugar.

Clean your car

Mildly?? I forget how filthy so many people are. This was an unwelcome but necessary reminder lol

Tbf, I do see tiny white specs on that coffee if you look at high res of that photo. It's the kind of thing you see a lot at poor quality coffee places though I usually drink it anyway for the caffeine addiction.

maybe try looking in the cup before leaving ..

or, don't be lazy and walk inside so you can again, fix the issue....

My wife orders oat milk for her cream top kind of drinks that have been trendy lately and they usually give her a warning. I think people are mom and pop cafes are a little more mindful of customers, though.

everytime I tell people that "baristas" and coffee people can't comprehend the concept of black coffee, I get back talk.

Back talk. As in talking back.

Translation:
When I tell you shit, you either agree with the truth I speak, or you shut the fuck up.

Stars forbid anyone fucking disagree with you and speak their fucking minds. Conversations are one way with you: from you to everyone else.

"Baristas don't know how to make extremely popular and simple drink" has always been a dumb take.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such frustrating experiences with coffee. I wonder if my experience could help you in navigating your experience.

When I order coffee I always see how they do it.

I don’t do it to complain. In fact, even if they get my order wrong I rarely ask for a change, because whatever they give me is usually alright.

I see how they do it because I’m curious. I like to know what their process is like. I like to know what machines they use. I like to know how they organize work in the coffee shop. I like to see their technique.

Because of this curiosity, I usually understand quite well why my coffee ends up the way it does.

Yes, I am a customer. Yes, I could insist that my drink has to be different. But I prefer to accept that life is unpredictable and that we are all human. And it’s usually alright.

Here’s a video that could help:
https://youtu.be/OXbQx2hfA5k

Y’all ever watch time-lapsed car interior detailing videos? Very satisfying, albeit disgusting.

This problem seems to unique to you. What exact words did you use? I only drink black coffee, and in the decades I've ordered it from myriad coffeeshops, there has been a single time that I received a coffee with cream on it - and that was because I ordered a "regular" at Café Du Monde, which the menu clearly states is cafe au lait, so I quickly learned that it was entirely my own fault for not paying attention and not using amply descriptive words to communicate my desires.

I'll always add ".... No creme or milk please" after asking for it black, I know it's the same thing twice but it twigs a 'could this guy have a milk allergy' thought now and again.

not op but, I mean... I'm all for more detail but, I can't shift the blame on this one. "no cream no sugar" is literally what "black coffee" means... If I go to a McDonald's and ask for a cheeseburger, I'm not going to ask them to put cheese on it, its expected as it's a cheese burger.

I don't think it's too unreasonable to expect someone working in a coffee shop, to understand what a black coffee is. To shift that blame into it somehow being the consumers inability to describe it is absurd.

Like if this was some rare or obscure thing I would fully agree... but the concept of a black coffee is super popular and by no means a rare occurrence..

All you've managed to do is prove that you are the issue here. They're probably making the wrong order because you're a POS.
Tens or hundreds of millions of people order black coffee every day without any issues, most who'll never get a wrong order in their life.
If you keep getting the wrong thing then there is surely something wrong from your side.

I've ordered black coffee from many places for many years and not once gotten a wrong order. Never been a batista, don't see how that would matter anyway.

You need professional help, everything about this thread screams that.

OK, sure, they should know. I agree, but it takes absolutely minimal effort to add "no cream no sugar" when you order.

You can be stubborn and insist that you shouldn't have to endure the trauma of all that extra effort on your part so that you can get the wrong order and then complain about it.

There are many fast food places (in the US South, particularly) where you can order a Coke, and they'll ask you what kind. Because saying "coke" to some people just means "soda", not necessarily "Coca-Cola".

I'm saying it's a psychological thing. Coffee is black, so when someone says "black coffee", it may not click in the barista's mind that they actually want percolated/drip coffee with no cream or sugar. All they hear is the coffee part, and so they serve it the way most people want/expect it.

Ultimately they should ask, even if you say "black". I've worked fast food, and so many people just don't know how to even order the things they want. But if they don't ask, you - as the customer - should be able to make it clear. What do you get out of not clarifying?

This is 100% OP not actually saying they want black coffee or (which is my bet) they're such a POS that their order gets made wrong on purpose, probably with some unsavoury extras in it.

To me, it's more I wouldn't want to sound weird to everyone else around me. Asking for a black coffee with no cream or sugar is to the same effect of saying "hi yes I would like scrambled eggs cooked please".

If I went to my bank teller and said "Yea I would like to cash this check please" you aren't expected to have to say "I would like to cash this check back as cash please"

These are just examples of what I mean, it's expected that someone working in a shop that specializes in a specific topic, to at least know the basics of that product. I would definitely classify "black coffee" as a basic topic in a coffee shop.

It's along the same lines as you wouldn't want to be caught saying "I went to the ATM machine" it's already defined earlier in the sentence so its redundant.

Having worked at a fast food burger place, there's absolutely people that will order a "cheeseburger" and be surprised when there's cheese. Not many, but it happened to me a couple times. We were also trained that "plain" means no onion and pickle, but leave the ketchup and mustard on as that's how our PoS defined the term.

Can I get a black coffee?

So, like, less sweet?

No, just black coffee

Any creamer?

No, just black coffee

Want me to save some space in the cup for your own creamer?

No, just fill my cup up all the way with black coffee

if I went to a restaurant and I asked for a plain burger and they still supplied condiments, it's going back. That's not what a plain burger is by definition, I've only ever gotten plain burgers without condiments though so I haven't experienced this. I assume they did it that way as a "well if they wanted no condiments they would specify dry" but thats still an off case.

I don't agree with normalizing to the niche/off cases (such as your cheeseburger example). Definitions in the field should be what people generally expect. In most of the english speaking world, a cheeseburger has cheese, and a black coffee means no milk/cream, usually no sugar, I could understand them adding sugar to it, although it would annoy me, but to add milk to a black coffee is not explainable.

OP is more infuriating than the post lol

For all the examples you listed, how often is the result wrong to to lack of communication? Have you ever ordered scrambled eggs and received them uncooked, because they didn't understand what scrambled means? Have you ever asked to cash a check, and the bank teller gave you...something other than cash?

Those are examples of things that don't require clarification, ever. Because there is no variation of those that is even slightly common. No one ever says they want scrambled eggs raw. No one ever asks to cash a check in any other way than to receive cash. There's no common precedent for a mistake here.

But black coffee is, evidently, just enough of a fuzzy area that it happens sometimes. I guarantee you that people order black coffee with cream and sugar, because they either think "black coffee" means "coffee" or because they think saying "black coffee" means "drip coffee" and distinguishes it from espresso.

Yes, it shouldn't be a problem, but it is a problem. So where's the harm in changing how you order it and saying "coffee no cream no sugar" instead of "black coffee"? Just don't say black coffee and it won't sound redundant.

When ordering a black coffee there shouldnt be anyone else 'speaking their mind'. It's a plain coffee, no opinions from the barista required. It's not a negotiation.

What is this comment?

as a preface, I personally have never had a barista fail to know what black coffee mean, I understand your point but, I see black coffee to fall under the same area with no wiggle room.

A black coffee is exactly that, when you modify it it's no longer a black coffee. Just like if you say you are cashing a check but you want to deposit it instead, that's depositing a check not cashing it. When you add a modifier to a word like that, the expectation is that the modifier is honored.

I don't see a precedent where a black coffee should be able to be misconstrued. I can understand your example of the drip coffee, but people saying that are going to just use "drip coffee", "coffee", "normal coffee" or any other phrase that isn't already an existing product in the world. And if it is misconstrued by the consumer, that is the customers problem, and if they receive the wrong product they will realize the issue and fix it for next time. We shouldn't be redefining existing definitions or products to fit for those cases.

You could change how you order it but, the fact is it shouldn't be required for an establishment to provide what is ordered. The barista not knowing what a black coffee is, at the end of the day is a failure on the establishment, and indicates the employee likely wasn't trained adequately for the job. Forcing the consumer to change how they order may help the customer, but it isn't going to help the underlining issue which is that the barista doesn't know what "black coffee" means, so its just going to disadvantage the next customer who does order the product.

as an ammendum though: if this was consistantly happening to me(i.e its clear it isn't just a simple mistake due to being overworked or not caring), I likely would change the way I ordered, or more realistically stop going to that establishment because that's a orange or yellow flag for me training wise.

"talking back" is really just an oddly specific way of saying "answering", generally to acknowledge or ask further clarifying questions.

OP sounds like my parents, anything I say is talking back. They like to talk at people rather than to people.

It's fucking nasty. My car is overdue for a clean and this is what mine looks like (we got coffee just this morning)

No you were absolutely polite, giving him 100% the benefit of doubt. And yet he made this weird attack.

That cream is no doubt heavily interfered with

Life is alright if you accept entropy as a natural part of it.

It's not rolling with the punches, it's being happy with life making itself less monotonous.

I once accidentally got served an iced latte with macadamia nut milk instead of cow milk and discovered that I really like it.

Thats pus.

It's not a black coffee, and they're spoiled curdled cream on it

Literally every time I talk about the black coffee problem, assholes show up to deny

You're actually advancing the idea that I'm creating problems here? I ordered a fucking black coffee and I got a cream coffee with curdled cream on it

Honest to God there's something wrong with your brain

What's with all the negative comments, people? Lemmy / Piefed used to be such a welcoming place.

OP, I'm sorry you got your coffee order messed up. Hope you got it sorted.

I have never once had a problem with "coffee, black". Doing more would require extra work, you're telling me someone went out of their way to put a little cream in your coffee?

At most you were perhaps given the wrong order.

I recall being backhanded just trying to discuss a difference of opinion. I don't recall the conversation from 30 years ago, only that my opinion was not wanted.

If you're constantly surrounded by assholes.... you're probably the asshole.