RetroFed Forum
Your home away from modern life.
"The rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman."
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Omega piefed.blahaj.zone purplerabbit@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-08-07
(edited) Quote

Screenshot of a tumblr post with two replies below it. - TITLE: "Reminder: You are under no obligation to look pretty." - TEXT: "Not when you are laying around the house, not when you go to the grocery store, not when you sit in a classroom, not when you go to the gym. You are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others. Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman." - REPLY 1: "That last line. Wow." - REPLY 2: "I needed this this morning"

Found this post thanks to @kasdeya@cryptid.cafe who posted it three years ago on her old timeline. Somebody boosted it on mine today and I knew I had to post it here.


⚠️ IMPORTANT REMINDER:

THIS IS A WOMEN ONLY COMMUNITY & SPACE

See "Rule 1: Women only...

Trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women’s community is a good fit for them."

324   Original
LadyButterfly she/her Moderator LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-06-10
#2 · Quote Reply

Love this meme! Thanks so much for sharing. Please be aware we used to put "women only" etc in posts and we found that was just a red rag to a bull.

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Zephyr sh.itjust.works Zephyr@sh.itjust.works
Joined: 2026-06-11
Banned
#3 · (edited) Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]
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schmorp slrpnk.net schmorpel@slrpnk.net
Joined: 2023-07-12
#4 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

As a woman I can tell you nobody asked for your opinion in this group. And I can tell you even more (even though I'm not obliged): looking creepy, dangerous and unappealing can be used to get exactly what one wants as a woman: to be left alone.

( farts, walks of stage while picking her nose. )

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velma sh.itjust.works velma@sh.itjust.works
Joined: 2026-05-07
#5 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Please respect the rules for this community.

Which were restated inside of the post itself.

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velma sh.itjust.works velma@sh.itjust.works
Joined: 2026-05-07
#6 · Quote Reply

I love how much less I care now. It is a certain freedom that is so incredibly….relaxing. Knowing deep down that how I look is completely separate from what I want to do releases some deep internal misogyny that was holding me to task for being “ugly”.

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cybermass lemmy.ca cybermass@lemmy.ca
Joined: 2023-08-14
Banned
#7 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]
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N0t_5ure lemmy.world N0t_5ure@lemmy.world
Joined: 2025-03-14
Banned
#8 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]
[removed by moderator]
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LadyButterfly she/her Moderator LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-06-10
#9 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Hey Zephyr the post does clearly state it's a woman only community so I'm afraid you're banned. Have a lovely weekend ❤️

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Hildegard (she/her) lemmy.blahaj.zone hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2024-12-07
#10 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Literally every woman I know has read and understood rule 1, have you?

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Omega piefed.blahaj.zone purplerabbit@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-08-07
#11 · Quote Reply

Love this meme! Thanks so much for sharing. Please be aware we used to put "women only" etc in posts and we found that was just a red rag to a bull.

Well, at least, men can't say they didn't see it so you can ban on sight.

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Wren lemmy.today Wren@lemmy.today
Joined: 2025-11-04
#12 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Are you a woman? Literally every woman I know, including myself, gets judged daily on their appearance.

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Wren lemmy.today Wren@lemmy.today
Joined: 2025-11-04
#13 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

I don't think you can throw around words like "hypergamous" when you can't understand the basic words in this post.

If you want to have an actual conversation you should find someone closer to your reading level, like maybe at a playground.

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velma sh.itjust.works velma@sh.itjust.works
Joined: 2026-05-07
#14 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Oh you can take this incel rhetoric right the fuck out of this community.

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dkppunk piefed.social dkppunk@piefed.social
Joined: 2025-11-19
#15 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Dude, this is a space for women. We do not appreciate this type of incel language here. Gross!

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Hildegard (she/her) lemmy.blahaj.zone hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2024-12-07
#16 · Quote Reply

Are you a woman? Literally every woman I know, including myself, gets judged daily on their appearance.

No. They're not.

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Omega piefed.blahaj.zone purplerabbit@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-08-07
#17 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

OK Buddy Andrew Tate

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Omega piefed.blahaj.zone purplerabbit@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-08-07
#18 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

By the way, this attitude is exactly why you are unfuckable. Women can spot walking red flags like you from a mile away. We all learn to recognize your type the second you open your mouth sooner or later, it quickly becomes a survival instinct.

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Omega piefed.blahaj.zone purplerabbit@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-08-07
#19 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

As a trans woman, my ability to "pass", ergo, be traditionally pretty and feminine is the thing that determines my ability to be able to live peacefully in public and to survive my very existence. As if I liked having panic attacks because I don't think I look feminine enough to be able to go too far from my home because I need to build my entire life around the possibility that some guy may get confused about his sexuality when hitting on me if they clock me, feel emasculated and turn me into a statistic. Or god forbid, I don't match with some arbitrary bullshit if I want to go piss in a public women's bathroom. But sure, do come and tell me that I'm just being narcissistic.

Sure, a lot of that is for me because dysphoria is horrible but dysphoria would be a lot easier to move around and to explore if the world I was in wasn't such a misogynistic and by extension transphobic shithole.

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Pandantic [they/them] midwest.social Pandantic@midwest.social
Joined: 2023-06-28
#20 · (edited) Quote Reply

I've learned to see how I make myself look (or don't) as self care. It all depends on my mood, my energy level, my expression on the sliding gender scale, etc. I'd be lying if I said I never "dress up" for others, like for professional reasons (I hate that I feel the need to), but the scenarios mentioned - its about how I'm feeling in that moment.

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𝕱𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍 lemmy.world Witchfire@lemmy.world
Joined: 2023-10-07
#21 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Women are hypergamous and gravitate towards the highest value mates. Only 40% of men reproduce, whereas 80% of women reproduce.

Fuck is this bullshit

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LadyButterfly she/her Moderator LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-06-10
#22 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

Hi N0t_5ure thanks for saying hi! We are women only, so you have been banned. All the best 💘

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LadyButterfly she/her Moderator LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-06-10
#23 · Quote Reply

Well, at least, men can't say they didn't see it so you can ban on sight.

Sadly the manosphere don't listen to no...

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birdwing lemmy.blahaj.zone birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-08-19
#24 · (edited) Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

read the post before posting

this community is for women.

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gilokee lemmy.world gilokee@lemmy.world
Joined: 2023-06-16
#25 · Quote Reply

Yeah but if I go out without makeup on, people think I'm sick or something, lol. I have to at least put on foundation which SUCKS during the summer because it tends to smudge off. T_T

Best part about living in Japan is it's socially acceptable/expected to wear masks everywhere you go. So the makeup thing is definitely not as bad as in the US.

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strawberry_enjoyer42 lemmy.blahaj.zone strawberry_enjoyer42@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2026-04-20
#26 · Quote Reply

I'm a trans girl, and I really don't pass (except for my voice kinda). I can really only dress and wear makeup for my own enjoyment.

Even with bold eyeliner, I still get he/him'd. I'm honestly not sure if it's transphobia, acceptance of feminine men, or obliviousness.

Most days, I kinda just boymode (despite my nametag lol). I don't even know anymore. Fuck gender norms or whatever.

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ZDL lazysoci.al ZDL@lazysoci.al
Joined: 2025-06-06
#27 · Quote Reply

[removed by moderator]

From earlier:

Sadly the manosphere don’t listen to no…

Case in point. I mean the rule was directly quoted in the very message this twit was responding to and he still couldn't read it. #NotAllMen sure, but #AlwaysAMan.

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MystValkyrie lemmy.blahaj.zone MystValkyrie@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-04-14
#28 · (edited) Quote Reply

If I try to look pretty, I sometimes get compliments, but sometimes get misgendered anyway. If I just decide not to care about my appearance, I'm only slightly more likely to get misgendered, and weirdly, sometimes I get compliments for things I never would have anticipated despite feeling gross.

I have no control over how others perceive me. It's honestly a roll of the dice whether people are nice, apathetic, or hostile. Chaos. I've learned whatever amount of effort I decide to look on a particular day, I just do it for myself.

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Hildegard (she/her) lemmy.blahaj.zone hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2024-12-07
#29 · Quote Reply

From earlier: Sadly the manosphere don’t listen to no… Case in point. I mean the rule was directly quoted in the very message this twit was responding to and he still couldn't read it. #NotAllMen sure, but #AlwaysAMan.

#NotAllMen are illiterate... but

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Hexarei beehaw.org Hexarei@beehaw.org
Joined: 2023-06-05
#30 · Quote Reply

I get dolled up and pretty for me. I work from home so sometimes it's with the understanding that nobody will see it but my wife - Though it does then also make me more confident at the store.

My favorite part lately has been realizing that my passing and being pretty are two separate categories. As in, even if I don't pass 100% yet, I'm still cute, still pretty to look at and dammit that's a good feeling lol.

But yeah, ladies! 🗣️You owe pretty to nobody but yourself!

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Amuletta lemmy.ca Amuletta@lemmy.ca
Joined: 2025-07-14
#31 · Quote Reply

This is from a blog called A Dress A Day, written in 2006.

https://dressaday.com/2006/10/20/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty/

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LadyButterfly she/her Moderator LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2025-06-10
#32 · Quote Reply

MOD NOTE... "don't be a dick" is a community rule. Please be mindful of behaviour towards men that come in. Yes they're breaking the rules, but that doesn’t mean we can break them too

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SuperNovaStar lemmy.blahaj.zone SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2024-11-12
#33 · Quote Reply

I'm a trans girl, and I really don't pass (except for my voice kinda). I can really only dress and wear makeup for my own enjoyment. Even with bold eyeliner, I still get he/him'd. I'm honestly not sure if it's transphobia, acceptance of feminine men, or obliviousness. Most days, I kinda just boymode (despite my nametag lol). I don't even know anymore. Fuck gender norms or whatever.

Well, for what it's worth you don't owe anyone "femme-ness" or passing either. But I know that's hard to internalize when the world is so hard on trans people.

(I also have not been able to accept myself and often put too much emphasis on appearance or passing 😥)

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strawberry_enjoyer42 lemmy.blahaj.zone strawberry_enjoyer42@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Joined: 2026-04-20
#34 · Quote Reply

Well, for what it's worth you don't owe anyone "femme-ness" or passing either. But I know that's hard to internalize when the world is so hard on trans people. (I also have not been able to accept myself and often put too much emphasis on appearance or passing 😥)

I suppose that's true. I wish I looked more woman-y though.

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