Plus, I doubt the person making the threat would wait for any actual preparations such as canceling various subscriptions. And I don't think they'd allow for the necessary witnesses required while I'm writing my will.

"Well, I'll try. Come back in a few decades. Or not at all; I can do it myself."

Dr. Theoden of Rohan will receive you now

Inigo Montoya would like to have a word with you...

Usually not as a threat, though

I prefer “don’t renew your library books”

Ten years later: "Sorry, I need more time... those fucking gym memberships, you know.."

That you know of

He wasn't doing it as a threat. He was doing it because he was a gentleman who happened to be seeking revenge.

Maybe that's exactly what they are, or promises? "You have 6 months to live".

I’d like at least a few seconds so I can relish the lack of responsibility

It depends.

If the threat is "we're about to have a fight you won't survive", your critique is valid. If the threat is "you've just been poisoned, and will succumb within a few days", then giving them the time to put their papers in order really won't harm the speaker at all. Though maybe it isn't entirely effective as a threat. If the threat is "I can take actions that will end your life, but all I'm telling you is it's happening soon" it works as an ominous threat, and a sincere offer (though they'd probably better hurry).

Preferred: “I EAT BONES AND SHIT GHOSTS”

Inigo Montoya saying it so many times feels like an action movie where some idiot with a gun cocks it over and over every time they really mean it this time.

Except of course Mandy Patinkin is a fucking treasure.

I watched a lot of movies as a kid, but I never noticed until Back to the Future (the 2nd one, I think), with Biff Tannen cocking his revolver excessively on the roof. That movie caused me to start counting.

So, it isn't actually supposed to be a threat, really, in the 'intimidating' or 'terror inducing' sense.

It is supposed to be something of a warning... its a courtesy, a formality from someone who is familiar with causing death.

It makes a bit more sense if it comes from a context where a warrior or assassin of some kind... is indeed genuinely urging you to actually perform some kind of final prayer, or absolution ritual, or otherwise mentally prepare yourself for your life to end.

Maybe think of the John Wick movies. One of his targets, he simply has cornered her in her bath, gives her the relative dignity of allowing her to slit her own wrists, talks her through her death... only shoots her once she's already lost consciousness.

It's more like a "say your prayers" than "pay your taxes" kind of thing.

This implies that they'd be willing to wait while I spend forever saying my final prayer, in an effort to filibuster my own murder.

It just so happens that I'm an ordained priest and pretty good at talking shit about nothing.

I was thinking they were nice in letting you delete your browser history.

The stament is because they want the victim to know they are going to die and that they are going to do it. Its a personal murder type of thing.

inigo montoya disliked this

"No, Mr. Bond. I expect YOU to pay your taxes."

Subject: Die. Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inform you of a death that is about to break out on the premises of 123 Cavendon Road... no, that's too formal. [deletes text, starts again] die - exclamation mark - die - exclamation mark - you will die - exclamation mark. 123 Cavendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours truly, Maurice Moss.

Remember to die is another way to phrase it less as a threat and more as a reminder of what is inevitable.

I'll just put this over here with the rest of the corpses.

Pretty sure OP has six fingers on his right hand.

Momento Mori is a common stoicism among certain types. Basically means the same thing.

That's why I walk up to random people on the street and angrily shout at them "PREPARE TO DIE!!"

I then calmly hand them a brochure for my estate planning business.

You could take the idea Hollister had. Get shirtless men to handout the brochure maybe have them look a bit viking esque.

Seems like a good business idea

It's way more normal-sounding than "Scholar of the First Sin"

Just preface it with "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father,...".