One family living down the road from me lost an adult son to COVID because the 3 men of the house, father & 2 sons, believe(d) that the vaccine makes men sterile and of course they refused to wear masks. Despite mandates against large indoor gatherings, the family opted to have a funeral service with 100+ people packed into the church. A bunch of attendees ended up with COVID in the week or two following, one of which died. Very likely, the bulk of those folks got it at the funeral, as there are photos showing that almost nobody was wearing a mask nor social distancing.

Another set of neighbors, the wife was homebound due to poor health, but otherwise she still managed keeping up with yard and house work, cooking, cleaning, taking care of herself, etc. The husband spent his days of retirement out gallivanting with his buddies, hanging out unmasked and unvaxxed at bars, and places like that. The wife who never left the house, ended up with COVID. Pretty obvious he gave it to her considering he was feeling under the weather the prior week and she never left the house, but since he refused to take a COVID test, he would insist he never had it. She survived, but it left her physically and mentally disabled, not really able to take care of herself, forcing him to become her care taker. Then he passed away, largely due to ignoring his health and troubling signs.

I know I should be angry, but mostly I'm sad.

Howso?

My thought was that staying home and self medicate is better choice than ICU. Virus is new, nobody knows how to treat it properly, too many sick people and not enough doctors. Everybody sick thus constant exposure to virus and other patalogies that came from weakened immune system. And I did a right thing forcing parents to stay at home.

Lol, no. Why would this writer by choice be paying a therapist his time and cash to painfully bare his soul so that the therapist can say idiotic things to him and not just assist him in remaining exactly where he is, but actively make it worse?

Dude, he could get that for free (and probably already is from friends and family telling him he needs to "move forward" like that's just a decision he can make).

Look again. That person is simply telling the therapist they will not release their anger just because society has said it's been long enough. That's just not how it works, and this writer knows it. The writer will release the anger when the anger has served its purpose. That is not accomplished with facile lies, much less casual grief-shaming.

Frankly, a therapist should know what purpose anger serves off the top of their head: that alone would guide them forward. Not everyone does, and that's okay, just not so much in a therapist.

But when you can't recognize a overt cry of anguish and grief, and you mistake someone correcting their therapist from that place of inner agony for someone that "wants to stay angry," all you're really telling me is that you've never had a situation like the writer's, nor a therapist that could take you through your darkest hour and help you see what you needed to see to get back out of the cave of your grief again.

Kirkland branded Dr evils

Probably only a few years away from being able to claim refugee status in Canada or Mexico though.

Pretty sure the cost of physically moving is the easy part too. You need to be allowed to work at your destination if you have any chance at surviving for long.

A single month rent is enough money to get to almost any country on the planet. But good luck actually moving to a lot of them with that.

Everyone's privileged, you have no point, you just desperately want to believe the american dream but the leftist version or something. I used to too, but the United Statesian people have made their choice clear, they want a fascist hellhole that's what they want, man! and they'll kill you for opposing it. Yes, me too im working on emigration it's extremely difficult and i still need to save up more money, and i have the privilege of a grandparent applying for canadian citizenship through his wife's family and my plan is to go through him once he gets in. Gramps volunteered to fight in Vietnam, by the way, because he thought this country was worth fighting and dying for. Not anymore, and im done trying to save this country when holocaust 2.0 electric boogaloo has already started. Maybe one day I'll have kids and they can come here to work as volunteers to help rebuild after WW3, but I'm not willing to die trying to help people who want this for themselves.

And Alan Ritchson, what he's doing is great but i dont have that privilege, im not a well-liked privileged celebrity believe it or not who can dare the state to arrest them. you're right, im not brave enough to end up like Good and Pretti -- if that makes me a coward so be it.

Not everyone is privileged enough to not understand why people don't just abandon their entire lives and start over. Just you, lib.

Ok you do have a point im privileged enough to never know my father and go NC with my violent mother, some people aren't so privileged and dont want to leave their parents behind.

Okay this was definitely the best thing to see first thing when I got in the internet when I got home from a funeral

You need plane tickets.

You need to ship anything that you need, thats practical to ship (small, personal, important items that wont fit in airplane luggage).

You need at least 6 months of money to cover rent, food, application fees, transportation (whether public or purchasing a vehicle), possibly even more if the country has a "prove you wont be a state burden minimum bank balance" rules, until such time as you get residency paperwork allowing you to work, before you ever begin to work on citizenship.

Depeneding on where you went, you might also have to take language classes to learn how to speak and write in a different language.

plus even more money for just for random happenstance, emergency, recreation (because yes, even poor people deserve to have some recreation), etc.

You're not just gonna step off an airplane with 2 grand in your pocket and get a place to live and start a new life.

But I do think the therapist is actively making things worse by expressing this medical opinion this way to the person in question

We've got a single quote made up of two words filtered through one person's complaint. You can take that fully at face value if you like, but I think that's remarkably naive.

I think you’re looking at the stages of grief and relying on that to inform you about this post without thinking about the fact that this isn’t just about grief. This is also about societal failure.

The "stages of grief" are bullshit so I'm not relying on that for anything.

That's a weird therapist.

"Make America Great Again" was a line that Bill Clinton loved to use as well.

If by "MAGA" you mean socioeconomic elites with strong ties to projects like the heritage foundation and frequent fliers at destinations like Epstein's island then I'm 100% in agreement!

Obamacare was architechted by the heritage foundation.

Jim Crow Joe had a supermajority during the pandemic, did nothing and declared the pandemic "over" right before the deadliest wave. Voiced his true feelings when he said "you aint black!" If you don't support him. Achieved his careerlong ambition of overturning Roe V Wade but didn't quite manage to kill Medicare/Medicaid which was his real personal pet project.

I don't blame you for being confused and you clearly aren't apathetic, but you need to get informed otherwise you will continue to focus on the "scary" monster while the real enemy continues to flank.

Sorry for your loss. And as this post says, feel free to feel all the emotions you might be experiencing now.

I don't know how close you were to the deceased, but I'm sure with time, and being surrounded by your loved ones (be them either people, or pets) I'm sure you'll be able to eventually get through this.

... Unless the funeral you're coming from is Lindsey Graham's, in which case, join me in cheer and joy:

Yeah, it's a bit fucked to call things "unprocessed anger" etc etc when the things that caused what we're angry about are at best still happening and more likely getting worse.

I've seen certain politicians described as "too angry" before their eventual replacement. You know what, I want an anger politician, just one who is angry about real issues. I want somebody who realizes how shitty things are for the average citizen and wants them to change, then gets angry at the fuckers who sit with their thumbs up their ass with thoughts, prayers and empty platitudes while collecting massive paycheques (and bribes) then actively calls them out.

Note that this doesn't mean I want a dumbass who complains about "foreign smoke " or lies and abuses issues while acting like a petulant toddler who didn't get their way out or personally profit, I just want somebody who actually cares and if they do... then fuck yes they should actually be angry about the way things are and the direction they're going.

Truly amazing how you can diagnose people from a distance, solely from what they write.

I know this comes as news to you, but this has all been studied literally since the beginning of time. Anger was discussed by the earliest philosophers. The writer openly describes it himself.

So what's the diagnosis I've provided? Do you even know what an diagnosis is, or is that just a word you threw at me because it sounded smart and -- wait for it -- you're angry?

Black Americans are still mad about racism, too

. . . and projecting it ALL outward, so they personally never have to change while insisting every last bit of what they feel is all someone else's fault and for others to change.

The worst part about things like this is when you try to have a conversation like this with your average friend/coworker/acquaintance/etc. they're all like, "calm down; you're overreacting". I'm like, "no, fuck you; you're underreacting! People DIED."

Has anyone else over the age of 35 notice a major shift the past couple of decades regarding how little people care about literally anything? It's like humanity as a whole have turned into emotional zombies. You can't even say hi to strangers in public anymore. They just stare at you like, "who are you and why the fuck are you talking to me"? It's so bizarre compared to how people used to be in the 90s and 2000s. Nobody even wants to make eye contact with anyone anymore, let alone wave as you pass each other down the street. Not unless you're someone they know.

It's as if people forgot how to communicate with each other outside of the internet... Is it just me? Maybe I just have a bitchy resting face. IDK. But anyway this YT Short perfectly exemplifies exactly want I mean. (Piped link)

they’re all like, “calm down; you’re overreacting”. I’m like, “no, fuck you; you’re underreacting! People DIED.”

Worst part is the response I've gotten from this. "It was just some old people and those that would have died anyway from something else."

Has anyone else over the age of 35 notice a major shift the past couple of decades regarding how little people care about literally anything?

Until it impacts them personally, yes. Knew someone who thought covid was a common cold (had relatives with mild symptoms of any), then they caught it and it rocked them. Suddenly it wasn't anything to make fun of anymore. If they didn't have bad symptoms, they still wouldn't care.

It’s as if people forgot how to communicate with each other outside of the internet… Is it just me?

Definitely not just you.

Ooh! Brits and denying feelings!

Did I win?

What's actually true does matter. A bitter angry unhinged man is getting a lot of unhinged to happen. OP isn't unhinged.

This was a pretty good podcast episode talking about the limitations of individual therapy has in addressing systemic issues and how it can be changed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2z9o7kcW4I

I am really tired of being emotional being an insult when its a major point of humanity.

As they should be

OP isn’t unhinged.

The OP's enraged because their psychiatrist wants them to go on meds because they're so ridiculously angry. If I were the manager of a Dunkin Donuts, I'd seriously be concerned about workplace violence if I hired them. There's a lot of red flags going up here.

If they were running for office, I'd hire them in a heartbeat. In context it's not crazy at all.

It is crazy. If you're a member of a church, you don't replace Joseph Di Mambro with Jim Jones. You try to find someone like Pope Leo or something.

we're turning into homogenised soup. Endless parade of milquetoast pillows with beige opinions and the depth of a puddle. Where is your passion. Where is your rage. "omg u so confrontational" I am human. if you cannot deal with a normal range of human emotions you are fucked

They named their child Robotech_Master.

Yeah, I'm with you. I feel like there's a possibility that this person is experiencing a complex trauma that continues to affect their minute-to-minute life in negative ways, and the therapist was trying to guide them toward a kind of acceptance that could have eased some of those negative effects but their patient just wasn't having it. Maybe not ready for it.

I'm not trying to say I know them or what's right for them, of course, but just offer an alternative view

Oh

This is a very valid feeling. But it doesn't sit well in the context of therapy. Like, this is individual therapy dealing with trauma from systemic problems. Like, if it's outside of my locus of control I can either let it affect me forever or try to do something about it, even if that something is letting go (or even forgiving, as far-fetched as that ideal seems these days). Part of going to therapy is taking agency. There is a problem, in some small way I will do whatever I can about it.

I can't just be mad with this and raise my mental pitchfork bc this is an illustration of someone rightfully truly struggling and their mental health physician pointing them towards the painful way out. I think the takeaway is less "how could anyone expect anyone to get over anything this heinous" and more one of horrible feeling of trying to hold onto the one thing you're left with when someone is taken from you like that --anger-- and coming to terms with the fact that that anger is still hurting you long after. Your therapist is not going to start the revolution or the purge for you. They are literally there to help you and you alone with things that trouble you and you alone. When they talk to survivors of abuse as children, rape victims, they aren't going to go out and slay the offenders, even if they want to. They are just trying to work with the tiniest amount of control a victim still has after the crime to help the victims make real change for themselves.

I guess overall it might not be productive to take that private struggle and put it out to your tumblr mutuals to validate you and build resistance to letting go but Idk. Healing can take many forms.

To be fair (lol) how can therapy work in an insane and unjust society? Shouldn't your therapist advice you to join the fascist party since your white and cis anyway, it's better for your mental health (lol). Here are some pills to make you forget, the alternative is joining the resistance and fighting and likely dying (which is definitely suicidal)

EDIT: Just to be clear, I'm being very sarcastic here, there are always productive things you can do even in these times.

But what's true does matter. Dunkin Donuts and the church are already successful, and they don't really matter. Our public health system is not successful and it does really matter. If OP were upset about church membership, then yes they 100% would be crazy. "If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a bike."

MAGA elected an angry guy because they wanted change. That doesn't mean that change is bad, it means that society should change in a way that's good. We should've elected Howard Dean when he dared show emotion.

Nobody even wants to make eye contact with anyone anymore

idk about you but i'm heavily autistic

Something like radical acceptance from dbt is my go to for someone with your argument. I can acknowledge injustice and also acknowledge that much of it is out of my control. I can work towards correcting injustice whenever possible but I also have to recognize that fixing everything is far beyond me. For my own mental health I need to be able to recognize when I am ruminating on an issue that cannot be fixed and learn to let go of that attachment to suffering

Alternatively I can be miserable, forever dwelling on injustices that I cannot fix myself. But how does that help change anything? Really would argue it’s just giving the fascist party what they want. If “the resistance” is beaten and broken simply by business as usual then is that not great for them?

In a non political context think of an emergency veterinarian or ER doctor who got into the field because they truly care for animals/people. They undoubtedly will deal with unfair death, seeing the results of abuse, systemic failures about cost of care resulting in premature death or disability, etc. probably on a near daily basis if they live anywhere with people. Should they simply resign themselves to misery because of this cruel and harsh reality? Or should they find a way to let go of the attachments to the misery involved in these tasks so they can do their (very necessary) job that already desperately needs more of people like them

So am I but I still force myself do it because I don't want everyone to think I'm an asshole.

I want to hug OOP so bad ;_; COVID took my dad from us and yeah, it was like that. I want to listen to OOP tell me everything on their mind about their mom... without judging them. Without questioning them. With only accepting them and commiserating. Fuck this timeline and the world we built in it...

Yeah well said. In a way realizing just how broken our civilization is helped me let go of some personal issues, like demands I put on myself.

But I'm lucky and privileged, I haven't suffered great traumatizing injustices like OP. I do think it's an important question how therapists deal with systemic injustice and oppression and environmental collapse on a global scale. I don't think psychotherapy really developed to deal with this, the ideal would be to get people out of these situation and let them heal. But there is no getting out.

OP is a good example of the psychological terrorism inflicted on most sane people by Trump and MAGA. Deliberate. We're in an abusive relationship but there is no halfway house and we can't divorce. People don't even understand that neoliberalism is driving all this, and most therapists do not either.

So I do think it should be radical acceptance. But there is the dichotomy: Anger gets shit done. People should get angry and channel that anger into productive or well, subversive ways. At least if we want a chance to defeat our "abusers".

have you done research into what happens to old and retired socialists?

"it was just some old people..."

This experience has permanently damaged my patience for alleged "human beings". I'm with you on this, on how much it sucked, because my dad was once if those old people. This fucking plague killed him when he could've had at least a decade more to enjoy in life... My mother had just had a stroke and she needed him more than ever right when he got taken away. Now, every time I ever hear about someone dying, the math happens automatically in the back of my mind before I even get to recognize that it's happening:

Was the person who died at least as good a person as my father?

Because if not, fuck em.

I have no patience for the continued existence of anyone who isn't at least as kind, patient, generous, or warm as him. Which means VERY NEARLY every single fucking Republican. If they all died i would feel NOTHING. not even relief. But especially not grief. THEY DID THIS. I have nothing for them but revulsion. There is now a stark cutoff in my perception beyond which absolutely NOTHING matters. Only things that are better than that threshold are worth while. Literally everything else is beneath my attention.

Anything that is not at least going well enough, beneficially enough, to exist above that threshold, i have no time for. No room for in my perceptual horizon. I am one bad week from writing off all of existence and going out with maximal sabotage.

Yeah, unless your goal is to immediately be a homeless illegal immigrant. Good luck with that.

Anger is not a productive emotion. It drains you, exhausts you. It doesn't help. Transform it into something cold and calculated, and use it to get metaphorical revenge.

My completely unrequested advice: try your best to stay or become the person that those you look up to (including your departed father) would be happy with you becoming. If you feel like you're overly frustrated and about to have a breakdown, do whatever you can to bring yourself back.

If that means you need to step away and take a vacation into a yurt or cabin in the woods with a Nintendo DS or a friend: do it. Therapy also helps if your insurance can afford it, and if you find the right therapist (most allow you to have a call to assess good fit).

Hang in there.

You're right, Dunkin Donuts doesn't matter. That was my point. If I can't trust someone to man the checkout counter without punching the customers, I can't trust them to run a global superpower with nukes.

We're not going to improve our health system by putting someone in charge who refuses to take their meds and wants to yank pathological rage out of the DSM-5-TR.

Anger is bad. You can't think straight if you're angry and emotionally unstable. You're going to make bad decisions. You're not going to fix anything in that state. You're going to make more of a mess.