Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vais1r/aitah_for_refusing_to_give_my_switch_account_to/

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-07-30 04:02:09+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Mowgli1989

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for refusing to give my switch account to my kids dad

Thanks to u/arifault for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: controlling behavior

Original Post: July 4, 2026

My kid (16) lives with her dad quite a few states away (USA). For her birthday this year my brother gave her a switch. Before any of this happened I reached out to her father to make sure he would be okay with the gift because he’s pretty intense about internet surveillance. She’s 16 and doesn’t have a browser on her phone or the ability to get any apps. I don’t agree with any of this but alas she lives with him and continues to want to.

Anyways we got the go ahead that she could have the switch, so I set her up with my old switch account in order to not have to rebuy some of the games I already owned - and then I purchased quite a few more. Ideally I was planning for us to share the account by setting up her switch as the primary and then buying myself one somewhere down the line and setting it up as the secondary.

Now that she’s home I’m being told that her father is demanding to have ownership of the switch account. I’m fuming. I was not told that this was a condition of her having this device. If I had been I would not have given her my personal switch account that has my banking info my personal email my everything attached to it. Essentially to me it seems he’s looking to make this gift my brother and I got for her into his new families switch rather than a gift that belongs to our daughter alone (he has more children with his new wife).

The part that sucks is he’s apparently threatening to take it away from her without the transfer to his email account. She’s obviously panicking and I don’t want this to result in her losing her favorite birthday gift but am I being unreasonable for saying fuck this? It’s so unreasonable from where I’m standing. That said, I don’t want to ruin her birthday gift. Ugh please hit me with perspective.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs

Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, I am listing significant details for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: She's 16 years old. Why is she still going? Go to court and have her explain exactly why she doesn't wanna go anymore. Dad sounds like a terrible douche.

OOP: I have offered, she wants to stay with her siblings. She loves her family, but yeah at 16 I would absolutely have wanted out of there. She doesn’t :/

Commenter 2: Nope - OP, have them restore factory settings to the device and then Dad can buy the games himself. Do not give him ownership of something linked to your digital identity.

Commenter 3: He's fine to obsess over his own privacy and his daughter's to some insane degrees; and then blatantly shows no respect for OP's?

Essentially to me it seems he’s looking to make this gift my brother and I got for her into his new families switch rather than a gift that belongs to our daughter alone (he has more children with his new wife).

By intention or not, he's going to achieve the same end-goal. He's trash, lol

OOP: Thank you for articulating what I’ve been feeling!!!!!

OOP on the possibilities of her daughter staying with her father in order to protect her siblings due to his controlling behavior

OOP: I really hope this isn’t true - but I have asked. We just spent a few weeks together and we had another non related issue regarding her father’s anger, and I asked straight up if she was afraid of him and explained that it scares me how much she does not want to upset him. She is very adamant that it’s not anything I should be worried about, but obviously I am. I am a naive person, I will admit that very willingly, but what am I meant to do when the person you are trying to protect is too young to really know her own mind - while you are equally trying to respect their rights as an individual despite their age. PARENTING IS SO HARD

OOP explains the reason why her daughter started to live with her father

OOP: People really do not like when children don’t live with their mom. It’s honestly so hypocritical but I can’t change society. But thank you for standing up for me. I appreciate it.

And for anyone who thinks I am a negligent parent because I’m a non-custodial mother - she only started living with her dad so I could go to college. The thing we’re told we’re meant to do, yeah? My kid calls me 27 times a day. She’s my closest friend and my only priority.

It sucks! She started living with him when I went to university and then he had a bunch more kids and she ultimately decided she wanted to stay with her family unit. He and I have never lived in the same place though ironically because we met playing world of Warcraft in 2007. She was always going to be with one of us full time and visit the other - and I got the short end of the stick unfortunately.

OOP on her ex's obsession over their daughter's internet usage and the ages at the time when OOP met her ex

OOP: He’s so intense about it because frankly he knew what he was doing then. I don’t want to like bash him because that’s not what this post is about - but I was 19 and he was 27.

Commenter 4: NTA. And she's choosing to live with him? Your account is just that...yours. If he wants control of an account, he can start one and pay for games.

OOP: Yeah she doesn’t want to leave her siblings. She loves her family too, like obviously he’s a pain in the ass but she doesn’t want to move like 5 states away from her siblings which I understand. It sucks for me, but like ultimately I won’t try and do anything she doesn’t want re: custody.

OOP responds to a comment about bringing her daughter home to live with her and the reason for OOP to send her daughter to live with her father

OOP: I would in a heartbeat if she wanted it. I’ve told her many times that the second she asks I will do everything in my power to bring her home, but she wants to be at her high school with her friends and with her siblings. She’s in all the clubs, choir, speech, theatre etc. Taking her away because it’s what I want to do isn’t fair. But I’m waiting for the day that she asks. I literally rent a two bedroom for just myself in anticipation!

She isn’t unsafe. To be clear. He is a perfectly capable parent. She is clearly choosing to stay. I was in my twenties, and my subsidized childcare was revoked during my first semester of University, and my only option was to send her to her dad or quit school. With hindsight I can see now that he was too old for me and sometimes I wish I had quit school and done things differently, but I was doing the best I could at the time with what I knew then and sometimes things just suck.

OOP on the possibility of moving to be closer to her daughter and not have to draw up the custody battle

OOP: If I moved closer and fought for partial custody he would make everyone miserable, and he has enough money to make it extremely difficult. I grew up in a family where there was a custody battle that was extremely disruptive for many years and I don’t want that for her on a weekly basis. Unfortunately the only scenario in which I would go to court is for full custody and that’s only if she asked me to.

Unfortunately that would make things way harder. His wife refuses to acknowledge my existence to this day - and they have been married for 10 years. If we had to do any kind of in person hand offs on a regular basis they would absolutely make my life and everyone else’s lives hell.

Commenter 5: NTA, he is being unreasonable and a prick. A father shouldn’t threaten their child for his own gain. Also, 16 is way too old for these kind of digital embargo.

OOP: I agree. All she wants to do is watch smosh! She’s a good a kid. It honestly drives me insane that he makes everything so difficult for both of us - but most importantly for her. She should be allowed to watch her favorite YouTube show and play video games ffs

OOP on what her daughter's father's reason is for wanting access?

OOP: I have to assume it’s a weird control move which is his MO. He already makes them all plug there devices into a central hub in the house at 8 pm - so he has control over when she uses it anyways. I genuinely think he’s just being a fucking ass hole and changing the conditions after the fact to suit him. He has been a nightmare to co parent with from day 1 and most of the time I just try to keep the peace to my own detriment because I want her to be happy but this time I feel like he’s taking it too far. I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would ask him for his account to something with a straight face. Like whom does that, oh I need your Apple account so I can monitor our child? He already has systems in place to make sure she can’t use it outside of approved times.

**OOP responds to a long [comment](http...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vais1r/aitah_for_refusing_to_give_my_switch_account_to/

OOP responds to a long comment about the options that she can provide and protect her own account, but can share with her daughter if she selects to make a new account where the father can access with controls

OOP: I think that second option is what I’m going to attempt. He can make her another account that he controls and hopefully leave my account on the device as well so she can still play the games I bought her. I cannot see how he comes up with a way to dispute that but knowing him it’s possible. Wish me luck! lol

Commenter 6: Teach your baby girl about men and control (regardless of who it is in the relationship). I hope she doesn’t see what her father does as an acceptable behavior from a partner

OOP: I’m honestly very impressed with her and Gen Z in general on their ability to read through bullshit - I think she is pretty well rounded on her thoughts about control etc. in relationships. But I will be continuing to have those types of conversations with her likely for as long as I live. Her dad and I both want to protect her at all costs - we just have way wildly different methods !

Update: July 23, 2026 (nearly three weeks later)

UPDATE AITAH for refusing to give my switch account to my kid’s dad.

I don’t have a huge update but since quite a few people asked her dad hasn’t taken her switch away. She called me frantically asking for me to just do it so she could keep her switch and I told her that I wasn’t saying no but that her dad would have to personally ask me himself. I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which he could reasonably justify asking for such a thing.

Turns out I was right. He has not asked because he knows it’s insane. The worst part about this though is that it means he was bullying her to get his preferred outcome but never had any intention of following through. In the end though she gets to keep her switch, so I guess it’s a win.

Thanks to everyone for all of the perspective and advice

Concluding / Top Comments

Commenter 1: So uhh what actually happened? You don't make it clear to me.

OOP: I told my daughter to tell her dad that if that is what he wants he has to ask me himself. He has not done so, and he has not taken her switch away. I prefaced it with it’s not a big update - more just a confirmation that her dad is a bully.

Commenter 2: I hate when parents put kids in the middle. Good on you for saying he needs to request it himself and not through her

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Dad's abuse little bitch. Daughter is 16 and its a gaming console. Wtf he think the damage having a uncontrolled Nintendo device in his home going to be. Such a douche.