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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-01 15:50:47+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mute_boyfriend

My[24 M] girlfriend[21 F] of 1 year is too embarrassed to attend a family function, because she cannot speak.

Original Post  Oct 24, 2014

My wonderful girlfriend of almost 1 year now, was born with malformed
vocal chords. Despite an attempt at surgery, she is unable to speak. I've never given a shit about that. I learnt sign language and even though it has been tough, I'm able to communicate with her. She can hear and comprehend English perfectly. She's always had self esteem issues because of that. She is incredibly attractive and guys approached her all the time, but turned away when they learnt about her disability.

We've been in an awesome relationship for a year now. I'm her first, everything. I've enjoyed every moment with her and we're even considering moving in together.

Anyway, my sister's wedding is coming up. I need a date. I obviously cannot take anybody else, but my girlfriend. But she's too scared of being rejected by my family. I keep telling her that nothing like that's going to happen, but still she's very very scared. Now, we've discussed about marriage and a future together and naturally its time she met my family.

Anything I can do to change her mind/help her ? I don't want to force this on her, but eventually she'll have to meet my folks...

EDIT So apparently my ex will also be there at the wedding. AND she is single.

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tl;dr: Mute girlfriend is terrified of meeting my family.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

[deleted]

You need to introduce your gf to your family beforehand, in a small and unpressured environment. This large family gathering is obviously too large for a first meeting, and too much for her to deal with.

Progress slowly, my friend. Don't push her if she's not comfortable.

OOP

We land the morning of the wedding.

I absolutely do not want to push her. I totally get what a terrible social situation that this all can become. However, I do have limited options. If its too big an event for her, and too much all at once, its alright with me. I just don't want her to feel bad about not meeting my family, that's all.

okctoss

That's too much pressure for a first family meeting. Can you meet them on another day beforehand? Have them visit? Schedule another visit yourself?

I cannot imagine if my boyfriend had made my first encounter with his family a huge wedding with hundreds of people for me too meet. That's nuts.

OOP

I know, I know. But if I leave her behind, that'll make us both feel terrible.

Skype works theoretically, not practically. But something like that can get very uncomfortable very soon because there's only audio and video. When you take the audio portion out of it, it feels weird. When you've met someone, you can walk around and stuff. I'm speaking purely on the basis of what happened around 3 months ago with a childhood buddy of mine. She had reason to butt out in that conversation because she wasn't the topic of conversation, just came into the view and he said Hi and she waved back. That was it.

intended_result

You're mistaken, and I think Skype is actually IDEAL for this! Skype has text messages!! Let her use that to communicate with your family!

This will only be awkward if you make it awkward. Be ENTHUSIASTIC about your parents getting to talk to her.

Update  Nov 1, 2014 (8 days later)

Hello people. Thanks for your replies to your previous post.

So, with all the people screaming SKYPE! SKYPE! SKYPE! I thought that it'll be the right thing to do.

I hooked up a Skype call with my sister, her fiancé and my dad. Mom wasn't going to be there. My sister was nervous but this was better than meeting them all at once face to face.

Turns out, it was a pretty cool idea after all. Everything flowed smoothly. My sister and my girlfriend have quite a bit in common, so they talked for a while. When their conversation stalled out, I had a chat with her fiancé. He seems like a pretty nice guy. Had a long chat with dad. You people have no idea how much this entire exercise benefitted from my dad's presence. My dad's the kind of guy who always has the right words for any and every situation. He respectfully complimented by girlfriend on her looks and told me how lucky I am. This line had her grinning from ear to ear.

After like 45 minutes, we said our goodbyes.

My girlfriend was really happy about it all. But she still didn't want to go to the wedding, so I didn't force the matter on her. She was obviously troubled when she got the news that my ex will be there, but I told her that there is nothing to worry about.

So, I'm going stag to my sister's wedding, but atleast she got to know a part of my family.

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tl;dr: Skype call went fantastic. But I'm still going alone to the wedding.

FINAL COMMENTS

[deleted]

Make sure to contact your gf often throughout the time you'll be there. She's uncomfortable with your ex being there and, while it's not necessary because you're not going to do anything wrong, it's still a nice gesture to never loose contact if you can help it.

OOP

Yeah, definitely. I'll keep texting her.

On general principle, I'll just avoid my ex.

~

Sisiwakanamaru

I'm glad that she got to know that she is a part of your family.

Do you and your girlfriend have any plan to meet your family soon after your sister's wedding?

OOP

My sister and her fiancé are going to fly out sometime. Parents will have to wait.

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