This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-02 04:00:01+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAnotgay

How do I (19M) tell my friends (19F x 4) that I'm not gay

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Original Post  July 21, 2020

I didn't have many friends when I was 14, but I did used to watch a group of 4 girls at school because I thought they were all very pretty. I basically had a crush on them as a group.

I decided to talk to them one day and I wanted to keep hanging out with them so I told them that I was gay because I didn't want them to think I was a weirdo who was creeping on them.

Flash forward 5 years and they're still my closest friends and still completely under the impression that I'm gay. Granted, I haven't done anything to perpetuate that thought since I was 15. I've honestly been wanting to tell them I'm straight since around 15 when I realised we were becoming really close friends. But I was scared of their reaction, and with every year that passed I assumed their reaction would be worse.

Now I've been seeing a girl for a few months and I want to introduce her to my friends, but my friends think I'm gay. How do I tell them that I'm not gay? I'm really worried about their reaction. They're a massive part of my life and I don't want to lose them.

TL;DR I told my friends I was gay when I was 14, I'm not, and now I have a girlfriend I want to introduce to them.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

welcometriceratops

I feel like you have two options:

• come clean that you technically lied years ago and never corrected it and apologize for doing so (if I was your friend in this situation I would find this hilarious). Just make it clear that the reason you lied wasn’t to be creepy or anything, you just weren’t sure how to tell them. Or
• Tell them you were previously wrong about your sexuality, you’re actually straight, and you’d like them to meet your girlfriend. This is closer to being a lie though not really, and still better than lying about being bisexual.

Overall just assure them you didn’t lie to date them or creep on them, you just got caught up. You could even show them this post. Good luck!

~

SlightSecond

I mean, they’ll probably be creeped out because pretending to be gay to insert yourself into their friend group is a creepy thing to do.

Honesty is the best policy in my opinion, but it will probably damage your friendship. If you tell them you have realized you are bisexual, it will probably preserve your friendship, but you would be lying to them again. In any case, best of luck

~

ILoveMyestry

Oh, I feel like you're gonna have to tell your GF as well.

Toffeerain

Definitely! These friends will 100% bring up that they previously thought he was gay.

~

WifeofBath1984

Why is every one talking about how funny this is instead of the fact that he actually is the creepy weirdo he's worried that they'll think he is? OP you are/were the person you're worried they think you are. Best come clean and accept the consequences. There is so much wrong here, I don't even know where to begin.

OOP

In my defence I was an awkward 14 year old, and what actually happened of it? We became good friends. While my intention going into it may have been getting closer to girls I was crushing on, it's not as though I pretended to be gay in order to see them nude or something.

From another comment of mine:

To clarify, I know what I did was wrong, and I know it was a little creepy. I also take into account though that I never undertook any devious actions to benefit from them thinking I was gay and that you can't truly hold a 14 year old to the same standard as a 19 year old.

Small update:
I've set up a group FaceTime with them later today. In this I'll be telling the truth. Here are the dot points of what I plan to say:

• I approached because I thought you guys were pretty
• I enjoyed hanging out and wanted it to continue
• I was scared you wouldn't want to hang if it was obvious I had a crush on you and so I said I was gay so you wouldn't think that
• I didn't tell you because I was scared
• I'm sorry for lying and continuing to allow you to believe the lie
• I don't want this to change things because you guys are my best friends and I care deeply about our friendship
• I fully understand if this changes things and you feel betrayed and hurt
• it's you're decision how we progress as friends from her, I won't try to convince you against what you want
• If you're still willing to be my friends I would like to introduce you to a girl I've been seeing because I'd really like to know what you think of her

Update  July 23, 2020 (2 Days Later)

So, it has been a hectic couple of days. Things have been moving very fast for me, but I'm going to recount it for you guys.

So I set up a FaceTime between my friends and I to come clean. I explained everything, why I lied, why it took me so long to tell the truth, etc. Then I apologised for lying and continuing to lie.

We talked about it for probably 2 hours after I finished explaining. There was lots of crying. In the end they decided they could forgive me though. So I've still got my best friends, which is always a plus.

We've set up a time for them to meet my girlfriend and they're very excited to meet her. I'm a little worried that they want to make sure she's "good enough" for me, but they're probably just being hyperbolic.

As for my girlfriend, I explained it all to her afterwards and she was surprisingly more understanding than my friends. So I still have my girlfriend, also a huge plus.

Anyway, things worked out probably the best they could. This will likely be something I'm teased about for years to come but I'm honestly looking forward to it because it means I'm no longer lying.

Thanks to everyone for your input, even the ones that I felt were being unfair. It was all helpful in one way or another.

FINAL COMMENTS

EclecticVictuals

Did you suss out whether any of your friends would have liked you romantically if you weren’t gay?

Were they upset at first? Because of how you approach them at first? Or that you didn’t trust them to understand?

It’s kind of funny that they never tried to fix you up with guys, was there any question about whether they suspected this?

OOP

Didn't ask anything about whether they would have been interested in me because honestly I don't want to know.

They were upset at first, they thought it was weird that I didn't trust them to understand, and that I didn't trust them to be able to have a straight dude friend in the first place.

They didn't suspect this because they took me at my word. Never tried to set me up with a guy because they knew itvwasnt their place.

~

Zeiramsy

Something I haven't seen in these comments or in the OP. Pretending to be a gay person for five years likely involved a metric fuck-ton of employed stereotypes and cliches. Maybe work on that as well will ya?

Also just out of curiosity how did you manage to only make this group of 4 friends believe you are gay without it being slipped to a larger circle? Or do you have some more "coming-ins" to look forward to?

OOP

Nah, no stereotypes needed. Just said I was gay and they took me at my word.

I don't really have that many friends so I might have a few more people I'll need to explain to, but not too many.

~

Sypsy

Why was there crying?

OOP

Because it was a very emotional conversation

Sypsy

I should be more specific. I get it was confronting for you and therefore emotional.

But if they cried, why was the topic of you setting things straight emotional for them? Was it somehow integral for one or more of them that you were gay? Was it just that's how they understood you as. You said they gave you space so they never tried setting you up nor anything, so it sounds like your friendship didn't hinge on you being "the gay friend"

OOP

The conversation wasn't just about me coming clean. We talked a lot about our friendship in general too. So the actual admission and apology didn't involve much crying (i got a little watery eyed) but the subsequent conversation about our friendship got them crying, which got me crying because I was already good to go.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Teens being more adult than some adults.