Transcript: A woman having sex to avoid sulking, tantrums, passive aggression, guilt-tripping or abandonment is not consenting — she's being coerced. That's not a relationship. That's sexual servitude under emotional duress, and far too many women have been conditioned to believe this is what compromise looks like. It's not.

I'm old, so this type of behavior is super normalized in my brain. But! I am so glad the next generation is pushing back on this type of thing - it makes me so happy to see the progress.

Yep! Most women I know in long term relationships with men consider sex a chore a lot of the time. And that's with good men. We shouldn't have to do this

And if you point it out he just says “no I’m not” and that’s the end conversation cause you’ll get more of the same for daring to speak up about it.

I wish people talked about sex more. Not with me lol, but with each other. And that more cishet couples knew more about different types of sexual activities beyond PiV (porn style oral doesn't count unless you like it I guess?)

While of course it's okay to not want to have sex, wonder how much the sex being awful has to do with it. Or the thought that sex means your partner is doing stuff to you.

I hope for better for the future 💕

It's what I was taught when I started dating, that men always want sex and women have to decide whether or not to give it to them, which informed so many of my toxic and backward opinions at the time. I hope this mentality ends with my generation.

Spoken like a true child.
I once got a "This is bad for my self esteem," when I didn't want to have sex.

Oh yes when I was married I often did it so my ex would stop pouting and sulking and treat me like a human again for 2-3 days. I’m glad people are starting to put this into words and no longer tolerating it.

But fucking a guy I don’t like isn’t bad for mine? It’s like they can’t accept being likable is part of their responsibility in a relationship

If they cheat, it's your fault for not putting out! (And not theirs for neither dealing with it nor breaking up.)

🙄🙄🙄

Or another one... They don't pay their half of the rent because you're not fulfilling your duties. Or they force themselves on you and they tell you that you need to "get over it" because "they have needs" and it is "abusive to withhold sex."

Yes, consent has to be enthusiastic

Yeah, or screams at you because you attack him about things all the time and he can never do anything right.

Yeah, I'm right there with you. I wish I could go back and help poor younger versions of me. I'm so proud of these new generations coming up!

I just watched the most awesome yt clip on this topic. Emily Nagoshi, (big think) she covers so many topics, similarly neurodivergence, consent, incels, what usually goes wrong in cis het relationships, etc. I highly recommend watching it. I instantly bought her book, after listening to her words.
The clip is called the biggest lies about good sex and how to have it, but she changed my entire perspective on sex, in so many ways, just watching it.
https://youtu.be/qnHvFKoThP8

Or that being little sex pests isn't a turn on.

Wow, so much this. I've had guys where if you gave even the slightest suggestion of what they could do differently to make sex more enjoyable they'd throw a tantrum and call it nagging that interferes with their performance.

Dude. I said try circular motions instead of lapping like a dog at a water bowl.

Thats really sad and that while sex can be so much fun and a really goodbonding expiriance :( i hope we get a more open landscape around sex and less shitty men

do you know why these folks dont wanna have sex with there parnters? Is it js a low sex drivr bad expiriances trauma or something different js "the thing jorge the monky was"

But I was wasting his youth and sexual vigour...! (Turns out I wasn't because he was cheating anyway).

And then these same men wonder why their partners stop initiating intimacy

I just want to take a moment to say, this goes both ways. Which, I'm assuming we are all aware of. I'm only bringing it up because it took me a long time to realize I was the toxic one in my first long term relationship. Turns out being raised by a narcassist means you have to do a lot of hard work.

Consent is only consent if it's continuous and enthusiastic. I was unfortunately told my entire life that "all men want is sex" or some version of that. So when I was told he wasn't in the mood, I tried harder. Because per my incorrect thought process, all men always want sex no exceptions. So if he didn't, I was clearly doing something wrong.

Anyways, thanks for letting me process that out loud. Therapy has been really fun the last few years 🙃 sorry to derail lol.