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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-05 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mygodfuckingshootme

Me [30M] with my coworker/project manager/IDK [34F] few months. Pen, company ink, babies, FUCK.

Thanks to u/aelizabeth0623 & u/frankzzz for letting me know this updated

BoRU 1

Original Post  Nov 24, 2015

Throwaway because I'm an idiot. This shit will probably be long, but I'll do my best.

I'm a software developer, and about 5 months ago, I began a new project where I am working for a large firm, and work onsite at a local client for a  couple projects they have ongoing. It is fascinating work, and I have enjoyed it quite a bit more than anything in recent memory. There is a joint team of about 10 folks, but for my main project, I work with one person. I'll call her Laura, and she is the project manager(works for the client), so while I don't report to her, per se, but she is in charge of the administrative side of the project. I don't even know if this is relevant, but we are effectively peer coworkers.

Laura started off a bit cold to me, because I think she (and plenty others) was a bit jaded by my company. That changed quickly once I started delivering, and also I think, she saw how engaged I am. She is brilliant, and we've put our heads together to solve some very difficult problems, usually working heavy overtime. About a month after I started, we hit our first big project milestone and barely beat the deadline. We went out for drinks after work to celebrate. We both live close to the office, so I offered to walk her home since it was late and her building is on the way to mine. We ended up sleeping together, and have been a few times a week ever since.

I didn't want to mess up anything at work(facepalm), so I haven't brought up anything regarding our status or whatever, and neither has she. At work I'm all business, and so is she. We don't take lunch together, or really do anything not directly related to the project, granted we're both working 60+ hour weeks also. She's worked her ass off to get this project off the ground(gov't funding,proposal writing, conceiving the whole idea), and that is the most attractive thing about her to me, in addition to being gorgeous and super nerdy. For the last few months it's seemed like we are FWB, since we don't go on dates other than drinks near our condos sometimes. Sometimes we sleepover, sometimes we don't.

Yesterday, she asked to come over to my place because she wanted to talk, and I figured she was going to break things off by her tone. WRONG! She told me she is 8 weeks pregnant! Here's the part where I know I fucked up. After my initial shock, the first question I asked was, is it mine? She burst into tears and stormed out, and I tried to stop her and apologize but she screamed at me in the middle of the hallway so, I just let her go. She wouldn't answer any of my calls last night either, and she called out of work today and tomorrow and has the rest of the week off. How do I get her to talk to me? I've been a nervous wreck since last night, and I just don't know what to think. I've been thinking she's getting an abortion and that's why she called out? My head is all over the place and I just want to talk to her. I will support her, no matter what, but I don't know how to do that or what she wants/needs from me. Should I send an email apologizing? Wait outside her building, or show up at her doorstep? Wait for her to contact me? People have been asking me if I'm okay all day, because I'm so out of it. I don't know if I should quit my job or what, maybe I should text her and ask that?

tl;dr: Got a client/coworker pregnant. Asked if it was mine. She got pissed and disappeared. How do I get her to talk to me again?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

fuckracismthrowaway

This is exactly why you don't shit where you eat. You're 30 years old and have a good job, yet you were dumb enough to get into this shit. Good job.

No, you don't just show up at her door step (wtf?)

Your question was totally appropriate, since you two weren't in an exclusive relationship, however, I understand that she was upset. Sounds like she's not the person to have multiple partners at once.

Wait it out. She'll contact you. Don't bother her for now.

OOP

I know, it was stupid to get involved. I, especially, should have known better.

After thinking about it more, I do think it was an appropriate question, but it shouldn't have been the first thing I blurted out. A while ago, she told me I'm the first person she's slept with in almost a year. I'm pretty certain she's not seeing anyone else, based on other conversations and how much she works, but I guess it is possible still.

I wasn't actually planning to show up at her place unannounced, but I just can't think of anything else, and that's the kinds of shitty ideas I'm having. I'm just desperate to talk to her. I couldn't sleep last night, and can hardly eat.

[deleted]

No, it's not an appropriate question - why would she tell you about her pregnancy if she didn't think it was yours? And if you think she's the kind of person who would lie to you about it, then why would you think she'd tell the truth if you asked if it was yours?

LPT: if a woman you're sleeping with tells you she's pregnant, she is also telling you that you are the father.

However: As for what you do about it - send a single email apologizing for blurting out something inane and hurting her. Tell her you are here to support her whatever she chooses to do. Then leave it at that.

UPDATE -She's keeping the baby. Me [30M] with my GF!/Coworker[34F] four months.  Nov 27, 2015 (3 days later)

The advice I got here was mixed between, "Go see her!" and "Give her space!". I ended up buying a teddy bear and sewing its foot to its mouth, and left it at her door holding a little I'm sorry card on my way to work Wednesday. Barely an hour later I got a text from her, asking if I wanted to come have a serious conversation and see MY child's first picture(sonogram) after work. I couldn't wait, and I took a half day and left to go see her at lunchtime.

When I got there, I started profusely apologizing and trying to explain myself(completely fumbling my words), but Laura stopped me and said she understands and she's not mad. She said she got so upset because I was the first person she was telling and she was really nervous I would have a bad reaction or try to make her terminate. She also thought, I was sleeping with other people because I assumed she was. Then she told me, she is 100% keeping the baby but won't take me to court if I don't want to raise the child with her. I couldn't hold back my laughter at this, and told her she is crazy if she thinks this kid will be anything but priority #1 to me. She seemed visibly relieved, and then brought up a paternity test, basically saying we will get one once the baby comes. She also brought up names, and said she wants to pick the first name, but wants me to approve, and for it to have my last name. She must have read a checklist of ways to ease a freaking-out-father-to-be because I was losing my mind trying to figure out how to bring this stuff up without putting my foot in my mouth again.

I then switched the conversation to us, and told her I'm helplessly falling like a brick for her, and at this point the work relationship is the least important to me. We both admitted our feelings for each other, and being scared to bring them up because of our professional relationship. I told her I want her to officially be my gf, and she joked, "this was all it took?". We agreed on direct communication from here on out, no more silent treatment, and she knows I'll be there for her every step of the way. So, Laura and I talked some more about how things will need to work, and came to the conclusion we would live separately until the baby arrives, then she'll rent her condo out and move into mine. Does that sound like a good idea? We know it's not perfect, but seems like a good plan and we can go back if it doesn't work out.

We're going to figure out what to do about work after the holidays. There's enough stress already, and she won't start showing for another couple months, so we have time to strategize about how/when to tell people at work. I am all ears for suggestions on this.

I'm still really scared, and my emotions are changing by the minute, but at least there is some semblance of a plan now. Now, to tell the family members.

TL;DR: Coworker Girlfriend and I are going to be the best parents we can be!

EDIT:
Holy crap, my OP only got like 5 responses! I will definitely be talking to her about moving in sooner this weekend. My mom suggested this too when I told her yesterday.

Couple of  recurring things I keep seeing in the comments are that we need to discuss finances and I need to get a paternity test. As for the finances we've talked a little bit about ...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vfwj19/me_30m_with_my_coworkerproject_manageridk_34f_few/

Couple of recurring things I keep seeing in the comments are that we need to discuss finances and I need to get a paternity test. As for the finances we've talked a little bit about it, and we make over 300K combined. Once we actually see what our expenses look like, it shouldn't be a problem to come up with a plan/budget. I'm willing to pay all baby related expenses, so I'm sure we can find a solution that works for us. As for the paternity test, she's said she wants to get one before I sign the birth certificate. When we first got together, she told me I was the first person she'd slept with in close to a year, and the hours she puts in makes it unlikely she's seeing someone else, though it's possible. She's fair, level-headed, responsible and, from what I've seen, honest. I trust her, and am going to until she does something to prove I shouldn't.

We also realize this is not a great way to start a relationship or a family, but all we can do try our best to compromise and make it work for the sake of our baby. If we're not a good couple together, so be it, we both have all the tools and support to give this child a great life. That is our primary goal, and our relationship will be icing on the cake if we can get through this.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 July 29, 2026 (Almost 11 years later)

A friend found this post on r/BestofRedditorUpdates and suggested I come update you guys. First, I just want to thank Reddit. Everyone talks trash about the Hivemind, but the it helped me when I was having crippling panic attacks(not something I've had before or since). Its all so obvious looking back, in the moment I was just blind and scared.

We ended up getting married before the baby came, because after living together for a few months we were both all in, and there's nothing like family pressure to get the ball rolling. We now have Lana 10/F who, in fact, knows everything, and Thing 1 and Thing 2(6 M/F) who just want to see the world burn.

We have a great marriage, and I really am the luckiest guy on Earth. She is a genius and puts up with me being such a bonehead. We had an argument when the oldest was 2, and Laura wanted to go for her PhD, and I swore up and down it wouldn't be worth the move, and we'd never recuperate the financial hit. We argued, I caved, and we moved to the PNW, and she got pregnant not long after. She of course crushed her PhD coursework/research, while I worked extra contracts(my choice) to make sure we had extras. The twins were born in 2020 and that was probably the hardest time of our lives, just trying to keep it together but we made it work. She immediately got job as a lower level executive running the Healthcare division of one of the biggest Big Tech companies out there. She made sure to remind me of my concerns about our finances, by asking me to review her offers and help her decide. Staggering amounts that looked like typos to a mediocre tech bro like me. So, off to Build-a-Bear I went and now we have 2 bears sitting on the mantle with feet sewn into their mouths.

I am so fortunate and blessed to have such a great wife and a great family. And its crazy to think that it may have worked out differently if not for you folks here talking some sense into me. No! I'm not crying, you are crying. I just got a little something in my eye.

Thank you, and sorry I did not update after all the advice I received.

TL;DR: Everything is working out great, and we are a happy family of 5 now.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Lol probably 1st time I seen a long time update after reading it so soon.