Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vfwj4b/wibtah_if_i_left_the_girls_trip_with_two_guys/

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-08-05 04:00:08+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Shes_A_Techspert

Originally posted to r/AITAH

WIBTAH If I left the girls trip with two guys early

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the suggestion

Trigger Warnings: sexual assault, victim blaming

Original Post: July 26, 2026

I (f26) am on a Bach weekend. I don’t want to be too specific for anonymity purposes since I’m still on the trip right now. I’m a few hours from home for what is supposed to be a 4 day weekend in a huge house with many girls and two guys who are friends of the bride. One of them I’ve never liked and my partner and I were both not excited about him being here. He’s never done anything specific in the past other than be a prick. I've met him several times, each time with my partner, and each time I see him fade to blackout from drinking and do things like stare at our friend’s ass and hug her too long.

Cut to this weekend I decide to be cordial with him for my friend’s sake, but I haven’t spoken to him at all. As we got into the late night I wasn’t really drunk, I had 3 beers over 6 hours, but I like to smoke sometimes socially. I offered to everyone and nobody else wanted to at the time, so I went outside alone. He came out and I thought he changed his mind. I offered it to him and he said, “you’re sweet” and I didn’t respond to that. Then he complained about the groom, and I said I thought the groom was a nice guy. I tried to change the subject to my work (something more neutral to talk about). That’s when he grabbed me. He pulled me and tried to kiss me. I stopped our faces from touching with my hand, but I still had to push him off me after that. I felt completely violated. I told him, “I’m married!” and all he could say was “oh” and then I told him, “don’t fucking do that again” and he said “obviously.” And that was it. I ran off.

I’m having flash backs to times in my past where I was assaulted in college and completely freaking out. I told some girls I know and they said it sucked and told me to just stay away from him. But I feel sick about. The next morning I don’t feel any better and few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal. I feel so bad I can’t stop thinking about it or let it go. I have OCD and intrusive/obsessive thoughts are hard to keep at bay right now. I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to be “that girl” especially over a kiss that didn’t even happen. I’ve only ever been with one person in my life so maybe that makes me a prude but it’s not even the kissing. It’s him thinking just because he wanted me he could have me and it didn’t occur to him I might not want that. He just thought I was easy.

I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not drinking today but it’s not even 10 and he’s had 4 beers. I already heard he doesn’t remember last night either. So would I be the AH if I left?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: 1000% NTA… you don’t feel safe, leave. If I was your friend I would understand.

Based on your title, I thought your post was going to be a lot different.

OOP: Sorry I guess I did burry the lead a little. I meant to put in some sentiment around it not really feeling like a girls trip anymore. I’m kind of all over the place today.

Commenter 2: Absolutely NTA, he’s a predator. As others have said, if the bride and her friends have a problem with you leaving and are fine protecting a predator who tried to assault you, they’re NOT your friends. How did they even become friends with this prick if they know he has a history of this kind of creepy behavior?

OOP: Childhood friends. I brought it up to her before that I don’t like him and she told me he’s a good person but doesn’t make good choices. Sounds like an oxymoron to me but we all have one friend the blinders are on for.

Commenter 3: NTA, if you feel unsafe, always leave. It's better to leave a situation than stay and maybe have something bad happen. If your friends don't understand why you'd want to leave after that, you're friends with the wrong crowd. He grabbed you and tried to forcibly kiss you. That's not ok.

OOP: Maybe I should be clear that I’m not friends with most people here but friendly with a few. It sounds more like they’re protecting the brides weekend than protecting him. The general consensus is that he’s a prick.

Commenter 4: If it were me I’d be so mad, I’d wait till everyone was together in the kitchen or living room, have my shit packed in the car and then announce that I’m leaving because apparently the majority of my “friends” want me to ignore the sexual assault from (insert guy’s name) .
Then I’d leave

OOP: Ugh he’s one of those who guys by his last name too

OOP on calling her husband

OOP: I called him right away last night. He was really calming and talked me through all my feelings and said you obviously can’t leave in your state so just see how you feel in the morning, take it one activity at a time, and come home if you need to. He said it should be the guy who goes home and agreed all our suspicions of him were true. But he understood I don’t want to blow things up for my friend and give it a try so that’s what I’m doing. It’s not going well I suspect I’ll go soon.

Additional Comment from OOP.

OOP: Hi everyone. I left but not before things got worse. I will post an update momentarily and link it to my original post. Thanks for all the support I needed some objective outside opinions to help me think clearly. Appreciate you all!

Update: July 28, 2026 (two days later)

UPDATE: WIBTAH If I left the girls trip with two guys early

I'll break this up into parts so you can read the bits you're interested in. Speaking anonymously to objective outside parties has been very helpful in checking my reality so thank you all for your support.

WHAT HAPPENED SINCE MY POST:

I couldn't be normal as much as I really wanted to. I went along and spoke to the two people I know when we were in private about my feelings but couldn't stop my anxiety from spiking throughout the day. I managed to stay away from him for a while, but it was hard to watch him enjoy himself so much and have the great weekend I was looking forward to.

A separate B Plot here (you can skip this just context) is that the bride's hometown friends were the larger half of the group and acted very flippantly and selfishly while me and her other friends from where she moved to after high school/college were left to care of them. The MOH is her sister who didn't put a lot of effort into coordinating and is a big mean girl (she was momentarily fired for this behavior by the bride, but they made up). At one point we went to the beach, and they had the three of us bring 10 chairs, 2 coolers, and an umbrella to the beach by ourselves while they all enjoyed the water. By the time we set it all up they were bored and left us for a nearby beer garden so we cleaned up their things for them so we could go to the restaurant too. They decided they were done by the time we got to the beer garden and said we shouldn't even bother coming inside. The MOH told us that actually we needed to have fewer cars at the rental house, so we had to go move them to a remote lot 20 minutes away while they had one more round. So like I said, this guy and his friends from her hometown had the great weekend I was looking forward to, and it was hard to be part of that.

Unknowingly to me someone had told someone and while they were at the bar everyone spoke about what happened to me. The bride was really sorry it happened, but I don't know if she really gets it. She pulled me aside and said I asked me what I needed so I said he needed to leave. She wouldn't ask him to leave but said "she will correct him." I don't think that she can correct this, I told her very clearly he was a dangerous person. She told me he was a good person but just doesn't act like a human. That's quite the oxymoron to me but fine. She spoke to him about it and told me he was sorry and he cried and walked away to think things over. She said he was told to not be alone with me again. We had an expensive dinner I prepaid for that night so with him gone for the evening "contemplating" I will attend that then go home in the morning since he wasn't leaving the trip.

I felt lighter after that and had a really great few hours getting ready with the girls, singing throwbacks, and we all left before he could come back so I was so happy. But 30 minutes into us being there he showed back up without a word to me and started pounding drinks. By the time he had seven we were less than an hour into his arrival and I had to step away. My friend called to check-in and as I was on the phone with her. I took it in the parking lot sitting on a step. I felt a hand on my back, and it was him, standing over me asking me to talk. As I backed away from he kind held his hand out to grab me again, but I knew better this time to put a lot of distance between us. I...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vfwj4b/wibtah_if_i_left_the_girls_trip_with_two_guys/

I felt lighter after that and had a really great few hours getting ready with the girls, singing throwbacks, and we all left before he could come back so I was so happy. But 30 minutes into us being there he showed back up without a word to me and started pounding drinks. By the time he had seven we were less than an hour into his arrival and I had to step away. My friend called to check-in and as I was on the phone with her. I took it in the parking lot sitting on a step. I felt a hand on my back, and it was him, standing over me asking me to talk. As I backed away from he kind held his hand out to grab me again, but I knew better this time to put a lot of distance between us. I told him I don't want to talk to him. He confirmed he knew I didn't want to be alone with him but said he thought we should talk anyway. I asked if he was drunk and he tried not to answer so I asked again and he said yes. I told him then it's not appropriate and go away. He didn't so I actually said the words "shame on you" out loud and ran away to vomit in a bush from the adrenaline. I really wanted to slap him, but I didn't want him to think that would make us even if I did.

The rest of the dinner I cried at the end of the table waiting to leave while he moped one seat over and crushed so many more drinks. He decided to refuse to eat from being so upset about me yelling at him in the parking lot. All the hometown girls kept telling him to smile, it's okay, enjoy yourself, we love you, don't let one thing ruin a good time etc. None of those girls checked on me at any point, said sorry that happened, from what I heard after they seemed to think I was making a big deal over nothing and being very sensitive. It was crushing to watch them go so out of their way to cheer him up but not offer me any simple kindnesses. For me that's the opposite of the girlhood I love so much and have with my own friends. If this happened to one of them I know that's not how I'd be acting. I knew sitting there I had to leave. I didn't feel safe or protected. I went back to the rental, locked my door, and left first thing in the morning along with my other two friends. Everyone else seemed to be relieved we were going.

That same night my husband met up with the groom and the husband of a woman on the trip with me. The groom didn't want to hear anything negative about the weekend, but my husband told him that it was a serious matter they could not brush under the rug and they needed to handle this situation now. The groom only slightly listened and said he was drunk, didn't mean it, but it was still wrong and it sucked. My friend's husband couldn't believe how calm anyone was being and said they should drive down right away. I don't think that would've fixed anything, but it makes me like him so much more than I already did.

So for now I don't have any resolution. I felt instantly improved getting home yesterday. My husband and I ate Chinese food and saw the Odyssey (10/10 movie and I am a big fan of the Epic so that is high praise). I don't feel great about everything else, even my own actions. I feel like I brought everyone down and should have recognized that I needed to leave sooner. I don't think there will be anymore updates on what happens with my friends either this was for me to sort through my own stuff, not theirs.

FAQ & CLARIFICATIONS:

Title - sorry that was a def confusing looking back. I wanted to leave the "girls trip that also had two men there" early. Not leave it for two guys.

Why Not Leave - My judgement/instinct to protect myself was clouded by my want (and social obligation) to protect my friend's special moment. I also paid close to $1,000 to be there, used PTO, brought handmade personalized gifts for everyone, and had been very excited to be there to celebrate my friend. I was hoping to salvage some of that.

My Husband - I did call him that night and he was really supportive. He talked me through my feelings, helped me calm down, told me that the guy should get kicked out and we were right about him, and understood I wanted to try to keep things normal for the bride. It actually never occurred to me that someone might say I 'wanted it' or tell him I willingly kissed anyone let alone this creep. If they did he wouldn't have believed him.

My Friends - I was only close friends with the bride and one other person on the trip, and had two friends I wasn't close with yet on the trip. We are all close now though. As for their reactions, I think everyone wanted to protect the bride's weekend including myself. She only gets the one bachelorette, and it really sucks to have something so unfortunate happen on it. I certainly did not know how to handle it all so it wouldn't be fair of me to expect them to know or act perfectly either.

Comments About the Kiss - I am starting to think I shouldn't even phrase it that way. The problem is not that he wanted to kiss me. If we had had said "you're really beautiful can I kiss you" I would have laughed and said, "how drunk are you, did you forget I'm married?" and that would have been the end. We weren't even making eye contact when he grabbed me. I was just trying to say something about a covariance model I was working on when I felt his hands on my face on my leg pulling me to him, I don't even know when he stood up to be over me, and only having enough time to put my hand over his mouth, and then still pushing him up and off me. That's a big deal to me. Even if I were single that wouldn't have been okay in my opinion. Special s/o to the message I was sent stating "YTA, just kiss him back already or more. What your partner doesn't know won't hurt him." Gross.

Thanks again for your support. Thought you'd all want to know I am home safe and recovering. I can't eat when I am really stressed and lost a bit of weight in the two and a half days I was gone. I was able to eat one full meal after getting back and hope I'll feel normal again soon.

Editor's note: few of OOP's responses were downvoted

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Jesus these people suck….why bother associating with this group of scumbags who think DA is cool and telling the creepy loser to smile and it’s not a big deal and the groom sounds like a fucking loser….it’s time to dump them and should have refused to move your car….the bride needs new friends

OOP: We wanted to, but they had moved the cars after we left earlier in a way that made it impossible for us to park if we wanted to. These people are the worst, I don't get why she keeps such bad company. The bride is very kind, generous, and fun to be around. She is also loyal to a fault sometimes. I felt she was really trying to be there for me in the moment but also there for him which sucked.

Commenter 2: Yeah high key fuck everyone in that wedding/bach party starting with this loser. Then all the people enabling it, and every other stupid mother fucker who wanted to brush it under the rug.

I seriously hope this helps you to re-evaluate these “friends” and whether they’re worth maintaining. Because this alone would be enough for me to cut ties with every single fucking one including the bride and her stupid ass oxymoron explanation for his behavior.

OOP: I need to talk with her again to know for certain where we are at. Like I said this was a really difficult situation for everyone, and I can't expect them to know the exact right thing to do in that moment. She also was on her Bach, so she was never 100% sober this whole time. I have some grace for her, but I do think she needs to drop this guy from her life.

Commenter 3: This situation and response is how "broken stairs" get created. Smh. I get that it was a super special once in a lifetime weekend, but that dude is a PROBLEM

OOP: I just learned about this metaphor through this situation and it's so spot on. I know I already made enough allowances on this trip and it's time to make stronger boundaries. In reality it's not easy to throw away a decades long friendship with a couple we've been very close with. I do want to see if some time and sobriety changes their perspective and if apologies follow.

Commenter 4: You may owe it to yourself to have a conversation with her for peace of mind to know you did everything you could. I’m like that.

If there is any doubt in whose side she is on afterwards then that is not your friend. That is someone enabling a predator and you know you cannot trust them to do what is right.

Take care of yourself and the guy is lucky your husband hasn’t taken action. I’ll leave it at that since I’ll get mod banned otherwise. It would’ve taken hell or high water to keep me from showing up and offering to take you home that night.

Your safety > Bride’s bachelorette.

OOP: This is the best way you could put it, thank you. The first time I was assaulted in college my husband actually stood up to go "see" the guy iykyk. We spoke about it later how that wasn't helpful to me because it made it about the perpetrator and the anger towards him and not about me and the pain I had. I think he wanted to make sure he focused on me in that moment or he would've hung up and drove to get me if we hadn't had that experience before. He told me later once I was home safe he in fact would like the chance to "take care of him." But again, I think that would genuinely minimize it, and the creep would think we are even now and that the disrespect was to my husband for overstepping our marriage and not to me for forcing himself on me.

OOP explains more about the timeline when she left the bachelorette weekend

OOP: I left two days early. I just heard that they all got so drunk at lunch the day I left that someone threw up on the table and most of them couldn't make it to the remaining activities anyway. Sounds like I missed a great time.

Commenter 5: Okay, there's being a victim and then there's being a volunteer. You've given her several "one more chances" but now it's your turn to listen to what she is telling you. She doesn't care. Whatever you used to have isn't there anymore. Please let go and protect yourself. She won't do it.

OOP: You make a very good point I admit. This is definitely not how I would've acted in this situation if I were her.

Commenter 6: It is NOT easy to buck the norms of a group and point out a problematic person/situation/etc. It sounds like you have a good base of real friends with a matching moral compass though, outside of the wedding group. Quality over quantity. I speak from experience

OOP: My core friend group don't overlap with these friends. They all hate this guy and are livid with the bride for not kicking him out and for having him there in the first place. One of them actually sent her guy friend to the restaurant because he happened to be in the same city as me and wanted to make sure I was safe.

OOP on if she plans to attend the wedding if the guy who sexually assaulted her attends?

OOP: I don't think I will go to the wedding unless she cuts him out. I really don't know. There has been many things to process in the last few days I need some time.

OOP being a doormat

OOP: I don't think I am a doormat I think a lot has happened to me in a short period of time and I need some more time to process before I am ready to let go of a very meaningful friendship. I care a lot about these people, our families are friends, we travel together, they're who I call when I need a ride to the doctor, they dropped everything to be there for me when my mom died. I know on the internet this feels open and shut but I have a true friendship at stake here and she really failed me in a huge moment, and I still need more time to reconcile that both those things are true.

Commenter 7: Does the bride live back in her hometown, around these people or in the new life? Cause, if it's the new life, things are about to get really awkward once she gets back to reality.

I'm trying to see it through her lens but just can't imagine not having the back of a sexually assaulted friend, no matter the scene.

OOP: Yeah she lives where we do her husband is from where we are too. I don’t even think she thinks that was assault. I think she believed that my past experiences were causing my reaction to the situation.

Where I am from people are more progressive socially (central politically but still left leaning). Where she is from they are very conservative socially and have a dangerous party culture. The MOH/sister of the bride had the same creep hanging all over her for half an hour touching her hips and leg and side and she didn’t mind. She’s engaged as well. He also smacked the bride on the butt, and she thought it was funny. When we have small parties at home we are all 100% huggers but that’s it, none of this is considered normal at parties at the brides house with people from my home.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Chances were given now its time for consequences. If they care more about some drunk dude ruining ppls good time then op then its settled. Also groom and everyone not giving a fuck is a concerning. Not ppl Id want to be friends with if they are going to consistently sweep this under rug. I mean they didnt even assign the pos a handler? If my brother pulled that stunt id be making damn sure he was never alone again at this party dont care if he's miserable.