There has been a serious regression over the last ten years or so. I thought that 2010-2016 era online was the worst of it, with gamergate and all, but I see a lot of the same sentiment again these days.

IDLES has a great verse in the song 'Mother' that resonates with me:

Sexual violence doesn't start and end with rape /
It starts in our books and behind our school gates /
Men are scared women will laugh in their face /
Whereas women are scared it's their lives men will take /

I'll never forget the morning a friend called me up because she got roofied the night before. At least she was pretty sure she did. A blackout after two drinks.

Thankfully nothing happened because she went to sleep it off in her car. We spent the better part of a morning trying to track down her missing phone, which she left at the pub.

While we sat on a bus bench and debated whether she should go to the hospital, some square-jawed older man gave us a grin and said we'd be prettier if we smiled.

I had to carry my friend home from the bar one night last year. She was on her second drink and was suddenly incapacitated. Pure coincidence that there was a guy pestering us most of the night when our partners were otherwise distracted.

I'm so glad nothing happened to your friend.

It's not a woman's job to smile for a man's pleasure.

Sorry, what is roofing? I've not heard of that word before.

Slipping a blackout-inducing drug, usually a benzodiazepine called Rohypnol, into someone’s drink without them noticing, with the intent to incapacitate them.

Per Wikipedia:

Nicknamed "roofies" or "floonies", it is widely known for its use as a date rape drug.[6][7]

It's when someone slips drugs, usually rohypnol or GHB, into a person's drink.

Jesus. That's scary, and I know because I was scared as fuck when she called me.

Considering we didn't go to the hospital because she said it'd be a long wait just to tell her what she already knows, I wonder how often this really happens. Everyone I know has a story.

Oh, yikes! Thanks for the explanation ( @velma@sh.itjust.works too)

Fascism is coming for all of us in time, women and minorities will be first, however :(.

Have you read the rules for this community?

Fuck no. Why, did I break one?

Just asking if you'd seen them before commenting. I've run into you before elsewhere.

That is to say, I usually see you in the politics comms. Fascism isn't really a topic that's brought up here.

Unless it's an incredibly niche community I usually don't read the rules before commenting.

Yeah I have vague memories of you calling me mysogenist despite me being an egalitarian, lol.

Yeah this is a women's only community and no politics.

You do enjoy ruffling feathers lol

Oh shit, my bad! I didn't know it was women's only. Also no politics in a women's only sub? That seems strange to me. Not my place to say though, I'll let you guys alone. Thanks for gently explaining to me, lol.

There’s other communities for politics that we participate in, no worries! We like to keep this place as a bit of a refuge from the constant politics.

Thanks for respecting this place :)

There's a bar near where I live and they have an organized rape system. Bartenders, bouncers and owner in on it. Cops know, cops partake and women get raped every weekend. We warn people but you're never going to get to everybody :( I'd like to hear more about how there's no rape culture from guys who are the real victims though.

Thanks for respecting the space

Thanks for being so reasonable about it! Have a lovely week ❤️

Jesus christ.

:(

I know someone who was spiked too... and god knows how many who may have thought the spiking was just the impact of alcohol. It's really scary

Alcohol is the most commonly used date rape drug, so I do wonder if spiking is partly due to wanting the power of causing the vulnerability rather than the victim drinking themselves

Yeah, I remember when my old roommate told me about how she had been roofied the night before. She was not a lightweight by any means and after her first drink she started feeling drunk. Thankfully, we lived within walking distance of the bar and her friends were there. She said she grabbed one friend's arm, said something is really wrong, and they practically carried her home.

What’s really scary is that, at least at the time, it was a really popular Friday/weekend bar that everyone went to and it wasn’t the first story I heard about that place.

More ladies need to be comfortable with performing acts of violence. We are brought up to not do that, to be kind, to accept that's how life is, but if someone is threatening your safety fucking going feral!

I will chew through someone's wrist like a squirrel on some important car wires if someone grabbed me. Those eyes are going bye bye. Zero hesitation. Ever feel a nut burst like a grape? You wanna???

Men need to be more afraid of harassing us than they are now. Sure you got strength but we got MF-ing gremlin energy.

(If you're wondering about the squirrel thing, that happened to my husband's car once haha)

Hard to squirrel bite and grape nuts when you've been roofied. So embrace your gremlin energy but also exercise "reasonable" caution.

It's completely fucking UNreasonable how much society tolerates and expects violence and abuse perpetrated on women simply because they are women. (It's another proof trans women are women btw)

And the -ing form would be roofieing, with roofying an acceptable alternative.

Nice to see velma and Nonconfrontational living up to usernames, lol.
Hope you all have a great safe weekend.

Putting a strong sedative hypnotic into someone's drink. Also called date rape.

Be careful with this. In the US, the right to self defense is not universal. It's entirely dependent on the demographic characteristics of the people involved.

Cishet white male: unrestricted right to self-defense.

Cishet white female: provisional right to self-defense, usually if facing threat or murder, rape, or assault by a stranger. (If you know your attacker, self-defense does not apply.)

Everyone else: no right to self-defense exists. You will be prosecuted for assault or murder after unambiguous cases of self-defense. The one thing the United States will never accept is minority groups using lethal violence to protect themselves. Even most Democrats would be appalled by this. Deep down, most liberals feel minorities are supposed to be protected by benevolent white people; they're not supposed to defend themselves.

What’s really scary is that, at least at the time, it was a really popular Friday/weekend bar that everyone went to and it wasn’t the first story I heard about that place.

That's exactly why the place was targeted. If it were some deserted neighborhood dive bar with only three regulars in it, it wouldn't be hard to figure out who slipped the roofie. The guys who do this target places with large crowds, where no one can know everyone, and where they can slip in and out without being remembered. They just want to be another face in the crowd. It's hard to grab a roofied girl and pull the whole, "my friend is drunk, I'm going to take her home now" bit if it's a tight-knit bar where everyone knows everyone. And ultimately, from the point of view of the predator, there's no point in roofieing someone if you can't bring them home with you. The roofie is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

I hate how demanding people are about being smiled at. A lot of people are really unhelpful unless you sit there smiling at them and laugh at their jokes. Mostly men but I've met other women like this too.

A lot of people just don't smile naturally. Rbf is real. I've taught myself to smile and laugh but it takes so much energy. I'm so tired of this performative nonsense. I shouldn't have to pretend to smile and laugh at my boss in order for him to treat me nicely and take me seriously.

I'm tired. So very tired.

Edit: Sorry but this is it for me and this platform. I'm done.

I don't have the energy to post on this platform anymore. I understand that the person in this situation is a blatant troll but I'm also aware that the mod team of this community having a disdain for me.

I know I don't post in this community often. I'm younger than a lot of people here and honestly, sometimes things do get a little extreme. There's been times where I've felt like I was on crystalcafe. That said, even I deserve to feel safe here. And I don't.

Yeppers. Just saw a court case where a woman shattered the arm of a teenage boy trying to forcefully enter her home. The parents took her to court, saying she used excessive force on their would-be intruder son.

They won because the boy wasn't fully inside her home yet... The woman had to pay his medical bills.

I'm thinking of this case here. It's not the first such case involving trans people.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/06/us/transgender-gun-rights-wyoming.html

Rbf is real.

So is resting homicidal axe murderer face. That's what Dad had. 🤣

In the US, the right to self defense is not universal.

Better to be judged by twelve than carried by six.

Tell that to the trans woman being v-coded.

There are some fates in this world worse than death.

I have no idea what "v-coded" means.

You could try searching. But I'll hold your hand.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V-coding

It illustrates the flaw with "better to be judged by twelve than carried by six."

Spoiler tag for hard truths you're probably better not knowing:

You sure it's better to be judged by twelve than carried by six?

You could try realizing that your jargon is not universal (even in your own country!) and not be a vicious twit.

But that isn't likely at all, so I'll just cut this off at the knees right here.

Notably this lady:

https://multco.us/news/susan-walters-who-fended-hitman-provides-guidance-multnomah-county-crime-victims-portal

Apologies. I just consider it polite to search first for a definition before asking other people to explain it. This isn't an obscure bit of terminology. That wikipedia article would have popped right at the top of search results if you had tried searching.

Ironically, the only time he smiled was after the axe murders.

Hey! How did you find out about those!? The family expended a LOT of effort to destroy that evidence!

because she went to sleep it off in her car.

So some one slipped her a sedative, saw her leave and get in her car? Luckily she decided to sleep it off first and didn't drove home.

Dude . NGL i was actually annoyed that you wrote a whole ass dissertation in reply and still didn’t just write a one sentence definition. Everyone doesn’t want to have to open a whole other page just to understand WTF you’re talking about. Granted, given the harrowing nature of the subject matter (now that I actually know WTF you’re talking about) this is a minor annoyance. But I’d bet fewer than 10% of the people who read your response bothered to click on the link and I would argue that it would be better for society if more people were educated about the absolute horrors of the (US, others?) penal system.

And just to close the loop for other lazy folk like myself: V-coding has to do with deliberately housing trans women inmates with sexually violent male inmates.

She was just passing through the city, so she was sleeping in her car anyway. The friends she was out with thought she was tired, my opinion on some of them is a whole other story.

Yeah I just don't have a resting smile and I resent being expected to fake one.

As another trans woman, it's commonly known among us, but even then not as commonly known as you'd think. I never expect cis people to know the term or be aware of the concept (though I've been trying to be more vocal about it myself because I think it's important that they do know)

And personally I think it's actually more polite to ask for clarification in a thread. If you don't know a word or idea others may not either and it allows the one who brought it up to be the voice on it

I replied on the crosspost and got lots of diwnvotes and was called a misandrist

US culture is fucked.