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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/PinkPussycatPower on 2026-08-06 06:01:30+00:00.

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DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/elloiiise in r/AmIOverreacting

Trigger warnings: Infidelity, deception

Mood spoilers: Heartbreaking, but hopeful

Original Post: July 26, 2026

AIO I contacted the woman in my husband's phone ??

Hi everyone. I (21F) recently discovered a suspicious contact in my husband's (23M) phone and decided to contact her. this is a bit of a story so bear with me.

it started a few months ago, the shady phone business. lockscreening when im around, not allowing me on it anymore, you get the jist.

about a month ago, we were running errands in a different town and, because we were nearby, we decided to pop by his grandparents' house for a visit. he called a contact named "grandma", and a different woman picked up. at first, I would have assumed a potential PSW or some sort of helper, despite them having no present issues. however, my husband reacted very weirdly/shocked, and ended the call immediately without responding to the woman (all she had said was hello).

then he got weird with me, asking me "who tf was that?" and saying "that was so weird. I have no idea who that was". I shrugged it off, making a mental note to check it out later on but not to ruin the day we were having.

I searched his messages, I didn't find anything, I didn't dig far tho.

yesterday we were traveling, he asked me for GPS directions on his phone, and I saw that same contact in his recently searched (like in that task bar search on iphone that automatically bring up an app or contact). I inquired, asking if he had figured out "who that contact was", he said no. I then questioned "why does it show you contacted them recently?"

and he freaked out on me, like he actually lost it. he was yelling, demanding that I "show him where it says that", insisting that he hadn't. his defensiveness is a huge red flag to me.

I asked him "so when we get to (x place), you're okay with me calling that contact?". he got even more mad! but agreed nonetheless. when we arrived, I phoned the number off his phone, and it rung until voicemail. what struck me was that there was no voicemail intro, no identifier, just the immediate beep to leave a message.

I called the number this morning off of my own phone, and she picked up. she refused to give me her name even after I explained the situation that I found her contact in my husband's phone. she insists that she has been married for 20 years and has never met my husband. however, like I said, she was really rude and wouldn't even introduce herself after I spoke. it was super brief, 5 min call, she hung up on me after I apologized for calling.

I found this really off-putting, for them both to respond with aggressive defense. I tried reasoning by thinking "maybe hubby typed his grandma's number wrong, maybe it's only 1 digit off"

but then I'm thinking, that I've witnessed him contact her before, so where did the old contact go? I'm thinking of going through the phone deeper, but I'm worried that I may be overreacting.

TLDR, found a woman in my husband's phone under "grandma", and she wasnt friendly when i reached out. do I investigate further or am I overreacting?

EDIT/UPDATE: thank you all for your responses. I'm on board here and will be digging deeper into this. if this turns out the way we suspect, I will be leaving him.

I have managed to find out that she lives in my town. that's all so far.

I have checked out most/all of the sites recommended, unfortunately they're all USA ones, and I'm in Canada. I will still be checking other options out, and I'm still taking all of your ideas/advice !!

I ended up confirming his actual grandmother's phone number, which is completely different from the one at hand (eliminating the accidental misinput idea). he knows that I'm investigating this further but I don't intend on telling him anything going forward.

TOP COMMENTS

ExpressAcanthaceae93:

Here’s the perspective of the woman who was once called. I was in a relationship for a year with a man who told me he was single. Until his girlfriend of TEN YEARS (that he was living with) called me. I told her “Ask me anything. I will tell you everything!” That SOB couldn’t tell me he had a girlfriend, I’m not going to defend us! She found our deleted texts in the deleted texts section of his phone. I think that goes back 10 days. I sent her more. I also told her to look in his Cash App because we used to casually bet $5 on football games and he sent me some money for my Christmas lights. She was so sweet. I love her and consider her a friend now. I’ll always be a girls girl and have her back.

krxxs:

Fellow Canadian: you might be able to find their name by setting them up for an e-transfer. Use their phone number to create a new interac e-transfer recipient, and begin the process of sending them an e-transfer (you don’t actually need to send it). Usually if that number is set up for auto-deposit, you’ll get an alert before hitting send that says “[name] is set up for autodeposit. Funds will be directly deposited and cannot be cancelled” or something like that. I hope this helps find her name!

OOP: OMGGG YEAH I'm gonna try this

Front-Cry1631:

Check the phone bill for his phone. It should have info on call and text history. If you find stuff, leave him.

OOP: we have separate phone plans/bills, so I'd have to hardcore invade his financial privacy to do that. though I'll keep it noted as an idea if needed. I can probably just bring it to his attention too, like "I'd like to go through the bill to figure this out"

Update: July 30, 2026 (4 DAYS LATER)

AIO after contacting the woman in my husband's phone [UPDATE]

my last update got removed (mb!) so hopefully this one manages. I'll keep it short, and I'll try to keep it aio too. firstly I wanted to thank everyone for the support and clarity I needed. your advice, support and suggestions went a long way. I can't thank you enough, please know each of you individually helped a lot!!

I traced that number to a burner phone in my town, there's absolutely nothing else attached to the phone number. that being said, I decided not to dig further into this woman. thank you to everyone who gave suggestions on how to do this, and also to everyone who offered help. she just isn't my business any further than this. now, I didn't discover if he'd been seeing her, but this did lead me to investigate further after talking with him. I first asked him to be open and transparent if hes doing anything behind my back. he denied and promised me he isnt. I then went through his phone, finally (for everyone who misread my last post, this is the first time I snooped without his presence/permission). I can barely believe it, but I found multiple other women and multiple website logins. I'll keep that brief so my post isn't removed.

I'm heartbroken, I'm destroyed. I confronted him and he denied it. when I showed proof, he broke and admitted this had all been going on for 2 years. 2 years!! I'm still not sure what my next step is, but I had a calm talk with him, expressing that this could not be repaired and that I'm done. he is sleeping on the couch.

would it be dramatic / overreacting to straight up ask him to leave for a bit? like spend a night or two with his friends (or side chicks). I need to pack my things and clear my head. additionally, I'm the caretaker of the house and animals, and he has the car, so this makes more sense than me leaving for a bit. I need to pack my things. I'm already speaking with my lawyer.

tldr; we are getting divorced

my new/second question is, would I be overreacting to completely lose my mind about this?😭 I'm trying so hard to stay composed. what's a reasonable crash out level here?

TOP COMMENTS

Primary-Platypus-568:

Wait until after you talk to a lawyer to decide what your crash out options are! It's not worth it in the long run to do anything like destruction of property because it could really influence the divorce settlement. That being said, while breaking this kind of news to friends & family is an absolutely awful part of this process, you might want to start on that before he gets his version of the story out. He obviously has no problem lying, so don't let him play the victim before you get a chance to tell the truth. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and good luck!

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOP – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Basically married out of high school. Sad