This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-08-06 18:23:54+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/keylephant

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for wanting to confront my husband's friend about her cheating husband?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

---

Original Post: July 20, 2026

Me (35F) and my husband (37M) have been married for five years. He has a close group of friends, all married. Over the years I've become friends with them and their wives too. While we're not extremely close, I love spending time with them. We go on vacations together, have playdates with our kids, etc.

A few months ago I was sitting in our living room when I heard my husband having a heated conversation on the phone with someone. He wasn't trying to be secretive about it since he was talking loudly and hadn't closed any doors.

After a while I realized he was talking to one of his friends from this group. He was saying things like, "Man I can't believe he did that. He's an asshole. What are we supposed to do?" etc.

After he hung up I asked what was going on. My husband told me that one of the friends had been cheating on his wife. Apparently it had been going on for a while, and they had just found out. They were planning to confront him about it.

Of course I was shocked, angry, disappointed, and very sad for my friend. She is such a sweet person, and all I could think about was how she was going to feel when she found out.

A week passed, and my husband and the rest of the friend group confronted him. They told him they knew about the affair, asked him to stop, and told him he needed to confess to his wife. Apparently he was very upset and shocked that he'd been caught. He said he was sorry for disappointing them and promised to end the affair and tell his wife everything.

When my husband told me what had happened I felt a little relieved.

Then more days passed. I occasionally asked my husband if there were any updates, whether he knew if his friend had done what he said he would. My husband would answer "Not as far as I know."

Then weeks passed, and summer was getting closer. We were supposed to go on vacation with these people. Among all the wives, I was the only one who knew about the situation. (As far as I'm aware)

I asked my husband again if there had been any news because I knew I couldn't possibly look this woman in the eyes, knowing what her husband had done without telling her. My husband said no. His friend still hadn't talked to his wife.

I told him I didn't want to go on vacation with a cheater. He said they couldn't exactly explain why without telling the wife, and there was nothing they could do. It was their marriage.

And yes, I know it's their marriage. It's not really my place to go tell her. But I also can't go on this vacation. I don't want to be around this man, and I don't want to look this woman in the eye knowing what I know. I feel like I would be betraying her.

This vacation is for the kids as much as it is for us. They love playing together, and I don't want my child to miss out on spending time with their friends.

My husband insists it's none of our business. He says they did everything they could as a friend group by confronting him and telling him to come clean. He thinks I'm being unreasonable by wanting to get more involved and by refusing to go on the vacation.

But I don't think they've done enough as a friend group. Why is a cheater still part of their circle? When I ask my husband that, he says it's because the wife is also part of the friend group, and excluding her husband would essentially reveal that he's been cheating.

So I told my husband that if they still weren't willing to do anything after all these months, I would go talk to her myself.

That led to a huge fight between my husband and me.

Am I being unreasonable? AITAH for wanting to tell her and refusing to go on this vacation?

Edit: Thanks everyone for the comments. A lot happened since I posted this, so I decided to post an update!

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs and few YTAs

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this original post

Top Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. How would he feel if you were cheating on him and a bunch of his friends knew and said nothing???

Commenter 2: NTA, tell the wife today, she deserves the truth. All the wives will hold you responsible if you "knew" and said nothing.

Commenter 3: What about having your husband tell his friend- “look buddy, my wife knows and I’m sure some of the other wives know- it’s none of my business but I’d be worried that the cat will come out of the bag on this trip”-Maybe that will get the friend to fess up or back out of the trip.

Your husband and his friends spoke with him, he said he was going to tell his wife, it may be taking longer than you think is appropriate- but they did intervene. It may not be your place to get involved. I’m kinda on the fence on this one…

Update July 27, 2026 (one week later)

**AITAH for wanting to confront my husband's friend about her cheating husband? UPDATE***

Link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/uiGr1bVcHy

TL;DR: We are planning to go on a vacation with my husband's friend group and their wives. One of them is cheating on his wife. It seems like everyone knows except for the wife. The friend group tried to convince the cheating husband to come clean. Nothing happened. I had an argument with my husband about refusing to go on the vacation under these circumstances.

Hello everyone.

First and foremost, I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented and shared their opinions on my original post. They really helped me make up my mind, a lot.

And thanks to all of you, this whole thing went in a very unexpected direction.

After reading some of the comments, I decided to talk to my husband once more, this time expressing my concerns that, on vacation, things might explode and this woman might find out about the cheating in front of everyone else, and that wouldn't be great. I also pointed out that if she actually doesn't know, her health might be at risk since, as far as we know, the cheating is still ongoing. So I asked him to go and speak to him again and explain that this is important since we are all going on this vacation together with our families.

He listened to me and told me that he would speak to him again.

Before moving on, I want to add that some people in this friend group sometimes do business together. The cheating husband and my husband were also recently doing some business together.

Anyways, a few days ago my husband went to work, and the cheater was supposed to visit him. But that morning, my husband told me he had a hunch. Because this person was cheating on his wife and lying to her with no sign of remorse, he thought, "Why not cheat in business too?"

There was a middleman handling the business they were doing together. He was the one finding the customers, etc. My husband gave him a call to make sure about this because he had a bad feeling. And he was right. As far as I understand, the cheater was using my husband to find customers, and after getting their contact information from the middleman, he was contacting them directly and removing my husband from the picture completely. My husband found out about this that morning.

So there were now two things to talk about.

When the CH (editor's note: cheating husband) visited, there was a huge argument. My husband was trying to make him admit to what he was doing. He also said some things about how he was an AH for cheating both in business and on his wife, and that he was a pos for still not telling his wife.

And that's when things actually went crazy.

The CH, in the heat of the moment, first let slip the fact that actually, two other people from their friend group were also cheating on their wives. (So the people who commented about this possibility were spot on.) And they were basically keeping each other's secrets. The CH found out about these affairs after the friend group confronted him about his cheating. (The nerve of these people... right?)

And apparently, according to the CH, she already knew. Yes, the wife. She knew all along. Even before us. She knew and she didn't say anything. Then she found plane tickets to Bali. (This MF literally bought plane tickets to Bali for himself and the person he's cheating with and paid for them using the card he shared with his wife... I was speechless.) She couldn't take it anymore and confronted him. But for some reason, they are still together. At least they are still married. Whatever...

Anyways, after exploding and blurting all of this out, he left. Of course, the business they were doing together is over now.

My husband came home that evening and told me all of this. He said he was feeling sick thinking that three of his "close" friends were cheating on their wives. But of course, he wasn't completely sure, so he talked to the other two friends later on to confirm it. And yes, they were cheating too. One of them was getting a divorce. The other one's wife was aware, but I don't know, and I don't want to know, about their situation.

Anyways, only one other friend and h...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vhcddd/aitah_for_wanting_to_confront_my_husbands_friend/

Anyways, only one other friend and his wife are left in this friend group that we are on good terms with now. It got really messy really quickly.

I'm honestly relieved there was no need for me to get involved. I'm of course feeling sorry for these women. I really am. Maybe I'll give them a call after a little more time has passed to ask how they're doing. But for now, I don't want to get involved at all. They are all grown adults, and it seems like they are all aware of everything.

Also, of course, the vacation is cancelled. My husband has stopped talking to the three of them. We will be having a smaller vacation with just the three of us: me, my husband, and our kid.

I didn't expect this outcome when I first posted this at all. But I guess you never know what goes on inside people's homes. I am still very much shocked. My husband is not feeling very well, he has been questioning all of his friendships... But I guess people change as they grow up and these kind of things can happen with long term friendships.

Anyways, once again, thanks everyone!

Edit: Since some people have been asking, I do have confirmation about the CH's wife knowing for sure. And the other couple is definitely getting a divorce. The only one I'm not completely sure about is the third wife. But the truth will probably come out sooner than later, the way things have been going lately... If not, I will call her.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Did your husband only originally care about the cheating because his friend could’ve also cheated in business and not because cheating is awful? Lol

OOP: Honestly you do have a point. But he promised me to talk to him that day, so he would, whether he found out about the business stuff or not. So I believe he does care. I also agree that it took him some time to come to his senses about this friend group, but in the end he did cut contact with the other two friends too, and he wasn't doing business with them.

Commenter 2:You need to talk to these women yourself to confirm what they actually know. Don’t take the word of the cheating guys.

OOP: The only one I'm not completely sure about is the one who isn't getting a divorce (not the one from the OP, the other one). If I'm still not sure within a few days, I am planning to call her.

Commenter 2: How are you sure from the OP one? Did you talk to her directly?

OOP: Because she told the Bali thing to one of the wives in the group. (The one who isn't getting cheated on).

Commenter 3: It's amazing that the entire friend group was cheating on their wives except for your husband.

OOP: And the other friend

Downvoted Commenter: So if 1 of the friends is getting a divorce and if the wives of the other 2 friends are aware of the cheating and apparently condone it, then are any of them really “cheating”? Or do they just have some sort of open arrangement? The divorce doesn’t count IMO. You can’t really cheat if you’re actively legally trying to end the marriage and are separated.

OOP: One couple is getting a divorce because of the cheating (we didn't know about the divorce or the cheating before this), and as far as I understand the other two cheated on their wives before any arrangements, but I don't know how the relationships are now after everything came to light..

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Really sucks for all those kids involved. Wish cheating spouses thought of them.