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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-08-07 04:02:09+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/FroZillix

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH For Missing my Cousin’s Wedding for My GF Best Friend’s

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: entitlement

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Original Post: July 29, 2026

My GF (of 4 years) best friend is getting married in 30 days. Both are each other’s 1# bf for probably 10 plus years. Her wedding has been planned 2 years in advanced and has been known since. Last year in December my Cousin at a family meet revealed he’s getting married and asked if people could attend the wedding. He reveals they are thinking about a specific date which I mention that I have a wedding I'm committed to on that exact date and don't believe I could attend. He was understanding and said that it was on him for not planning out the wedding sooner as it was around 8 months away from then.

Saw him one more time since at my grandmothers brunch, where he asked again who is coming and I mention the previous wedding that I am already rsvp for, but said I will try to make time if possible. Two Weeks ago, he send out the actual wedding invite with the time / place and has been asking all parties to rsvp by the 1st of August. Both weddings are at the same time but around 1hr 10 min apart in distance. My plan was to maybe leave after the ceremony / dinner of my GF friend to make it to the after / celebration of his to at least make an appearance until his is over.

I've spoken to my GF friend who is getting married about her wedding and she was obviously a little annoyed/upset about me already rsvp and conflicted about what wedding to attend.

Mind you I see this cousin maybe 1-2 times a year, sometimes go without seeing him in 2 years but when we were younger saw him a lot more often/ grew up together when we could hangout.

Last night I rsvp no to his wedding, and didn't leave a note on the wedding website because he already knew about my preexisting wedding plans and felt like I didn't need to restate what he knew. Today He first texted my Mom (His Dads Sister) Saying how shameful I am for not attending his wedding, how I'm going to "some girl" friend wedding talking about my GF and other things related to what he texted me below. (I don't have the exact text to share as my mom read it to me over a phone call). My Mom shared what he said to her about me to her Mom (His / My Grandma) and both of them couldn't believe the way he spoke about me.

He texted me a long paragraph at the same time he texted my Mother

"Hey (Me) it’s your cousin (Him), I can’t believe you’d actually decline going to your own cousins wedding to go to your girlfriend’s best friend’s wedding. I understand she’s “in” a wedding, but her best friend is not your family, I also understand that we haven’t been close in year but dude we grew up together and spent much of our lives together and you’re still family and just shows your lack of care and concern here and that you don’t give two shits. Not even a comment left on the knot just a straight decline, I’m sorry but that’s super fake and I am disappointed and in ulterior disbelief, and hope it’s worth missing your family for some girls best friends that may or may not be the one."

I responded

"Hey, I didn’t mean to come off as a lack of care/ concern. I saw your deadline of rsvp was close, so I had to make a decision. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and wanted to be there. The issue is I’ve known about this other wedding for 2 years, been rsvp since last year. If I had known before I would have declined the other wedding. When I found out I’ve been debating with what to do. I thought it wasn’t fair to back out of the wedding. I mentioned your wedding to the other bride, and she was very upset about me debating whether to cancel attending her wedding. (My GF) and I have been together for 4 years, and she's been mutually #1 best friends with this girl her whole life. I'm also somewhat acquaintance’s with her. I've tried to do the math on timing, but both of your weddings are the same time a little over an hour apart in distance. I wouldn’t mind driving if theirs time after her ceremony/ dinner to make an appearance for the rest of the night at your wedding. I just knew that I couldn’t make the ceremony/ dinner portion of the wedding in time for how far they are apart that’s why I rsvp no. I didn’t leave a note because I assumed you would know why I couldn’t attending because I mentioned it the last two times we’ve seen each other."

After, I have heard no response. AITAH?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously NTA

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this original post

Top Comments

Commenter 1: NTA but you over explained. Might have been better to just say, "You've known since your first announcement that I was committed already and you acknowledged it was your fault for planning late. It's disappointing you decided to try to shame me via the family after the fact but regardless, I wish you the very best and a joyous wedding." ... and let it go and not done all that talk about trying to juggle things, etc. as that just makes you look defensive and weak. Stand tall. You're in the right so carry yourself like it. Have a great time at the wedding you are going to.

Commenter 2: Your response to him was too nice and too detailed.

"Hi, I'm disappointed you would message me like this. We spoke about this a number of times, and I told you I already had a previous wedding commitment. I also don't appreciate you speaking about my partner like that and hope you do better in that regard in future - yes, I read your message to my mother. How awful you would contact her like that. Have a good wedding."

Commenter 3: You have a pre-existing commitment that day. NTA.

Commenter 4: NTA. in the end, it's your decision. and since you knew about this other wedding and communicated that to your cousin in advance, I don't see the issue in saying you're not able to go. you responded maturely to the situation. it sucks, but it is what it is.

Update: July 31, 2026 (two days later)

AITAH For Missing my Cousins Wedding for My GF Best friend's UPDATE

For those who were interested in my post, this is the small epilogue to this story. I personally haven’t received any text in response to mine from my cousin. Honestly, not really bothered about the situation and not feeling guilty just amused about his actions to everything. We’re both around 28-29 years old, and I don’t think you should be this pressed when people have their own prior commitments/ lives if their schedules can’t alight with yours.

Final parts to the story, stopped by my parents’ house last night and my mother told me my cousin has been still texting her big complaining about me missing his wedding for “some girl that may or not be the one” friend. She’s responded back to him multiple times asking him to stop texting her. Obviously he read my message, didn’t respond then still went and complained to my mom lol. My mom mentioned to him if he kept it up they would be debating on attending themselves and he said ” why would you do that”. He’s acting very close minded and thinks everyone else should agree with his side. Probably won’t be sending a gift, or trying to make an appearance unless he can act mature and apologize.

Also, I’m hearing that His / My Uncle and cousins (My Moms 2nd Brother) aren’t attending and that a large chunk of my cousins friends can’t make his wedding and are rsvp no. Mind you he sent out the wedding invites a month and half out and expected a response by his 3 week deadline of sending them. Just seems like mess of poor planning which him and his sister literally mentioned that they need to “lock in” the last two times I saw him lol.

Answer some previous questions

-I’m a guy (Thought this was obvious)

-He comes from good money so wasn’t expecting something crazy from me

-I don’t have to “follow my gf” it’s the principle that I already had rsvp and made prior plans that I’m honoring especially this close to the dates

-Someone mentioned about an outside party influencing him, I think his sister has been putting things in his head

-Those who mentioned about other people not being able to make it, are probably correct and he’s taking it out on me

• Yes I’m an over explainer lol

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update

Top Comments

Commenter 1: He’s not old enough to get married if he went to your parents’ house to tell your mommy.

Commenter 2: Who the fuck sends invitations TWO WEEKS before the wedding. Ntah. Your cousin is a dullard

Commenter 3: You should text him to stop whining to your mommy, she won't make you go lmao

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Rofl this happened to me! Same story I went to an friend of my SO wedding who sent me invite 2 years in advance. It was all lotr themed and fantastic. Childhood friends who i accidently caused them getting together.

Vs my cousin wedding who sent me invite very close to date and with guy who refused to meet my father before the wedding. Like mate I get my father is douche but grow some balls. To my suprise, my cousin was not pregnant but the marriage lasted as long as the wedding planning 😅. And based on photos and how my SO is still involved in that friends life I am very happy with my choice. I never found out wtf my cousins wedding was all about but she seemed happy with new man. Another timid bloke who never comes out of her shadow 🤣. Guess she has type.