This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-08 04:02:02+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwra26024

I 28F invited my 30M best friend to dinner and he said "I’m not your husband" What does he mean?

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  July 29, 2026

I 28F got divorced about three months ago, and my 30M best friend was there for me throughout the whole thing. We’ve actually been best friends since childhood and have always been really close.

We hang out a lot, go out randomly, try new restaurants, and sometimes I’ll cook and invite him over. We’ve always had this kind of friendship, so none of it ever felt unusual to me.

Just 2 days ago, he asked me to go with him to try a new restaurant, and everything seemed completely fine. Then yesterday, I called him and told him I’d made enough food for both of us and asked if he wanted to come over since he lives nearby. (We’ve done this many times before, so I didn’t think much of it)

But his response completely caught me off guard. He said he wasn’t "in the mood for this lately" and then added "I’m not your husband". I honestly don’t understand where that came from. I wasn’t asking him for a favor or expecting him to do anything for me. I was just inviting him to dinner like I normally would.

I tried calling him afterward because I wanted to understand what he meant, but he didn’t answer. I don’t want to pressure him by showing up at his place or blowing up his phone, so I decided to give him some space.

Now I’m just confused and wondering if I somehow crossed a boundary without realizing it, What did he mean by "I’m not your husband"?

Edit: Just to clarify a few things since I’ve seen some people asking about this: I don’t really talk to him about my divorce that much. He was there for me when everything was happening, but I’m not constantly venting to him about it or relying on him to deal with my problems. I don’t like putting that kind of emotional burden on him.

Also, I don’t invite him over for dinner every week or anything like that. We do hang out regularly though, and inviting each other over for food has always been a normal part of our friendship. Sometimes we go out to eat, sometimes we try new places, sometimes we watch movies, and sometimes I cook and invite him over. He’s actually been around more lately, and we’ve been hanging out more than we used to.

That’s why his reaction confused me so much. For me, this was just a normal invitation between two longtime friends, and I had no idea he might see it differently.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Both-Enthusiasm

Does he have a gf? He could either think you developed feelings, he developed feelings, his gf doesn't like the interactions, or since the divorce you have been relying on him more then usual and he got tired.

OOP

No he's single.

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WeCaneAsMuffins

I think it could be a few different things.

1. He has a gf and is trying to draw a line.
2. He has feelings and doesn’t know how to tell you it in a respectful way.
3. He’s going through something in life and took it out on you.
4. He doesn’t want to be the guy friend who’s there for you when going through a divorce or break ups.
5. A billion other reasons that we don’t know.

Update  Aug 1, 2026

Hi, first of all thanks everyone for your perspectives on my original post. I wanted to give an update now that I finally have some clarity.

As I mentioned in my original post, I called him once after he told me "I’m not your husband" but I didn’t hear anything from him after that, until he showed up at my apartment.

He looked really ashamed and nervous. He started by apologizing and then we sat down and talked about what happened. He explained that he wasn’t the one who came up with that comment, It was a woman he’s been seeing recently, and she’s the one who told him what to text me.

This honestly surprised me. As I mentioned before, we’ve been best friends since childhood and we basically tell each other everything, but he had never mentioned this woman to me before.

Anyway I told him that if I had known he was seeing someone, I wouldn’t have agreed to go to that new restaurant with him in the first place, and I probably wouldn’t have invited him over for dinner either. If she’s uncomfortable with the way we interact, then I don’t want to knowingly cross that line or make things harder for them.

He apologized again and explained that things are still new with her, and that he he was planning to tell me once things became more serious between them.

He also kept asking me whether the text had hurt me and whether I thought he should end things with her. I told him no but I think we should set some boundaries going forward (to respect her wishes because I wouldn’t want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable).

He disagreed and said that he doesn’t think we’re doing anything wrong and that he’d rather things stay the same between us. He ended up staying for a few hours and we talked about everything, but he seemed really conflicted about the whole situation.

As for me, I’ve decided to take a small step back anyway. I’m going to try to cut down on how often we go out and hang out, and I’m also going to stop our habit of eating at each other’s homes for now.

I love him as my best friend, but I don’t want our friendship to get in the way of him having a healthy relationship.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

unzunzhepp

Plot twist: that woman doesn’t exist and he wanted to make you jealous.

OOP

I really hope that’s not the case because I trust him completely. If I found out he made all of this up just to make me jealous, I honestly wouldn’t even know how to process it. I don’t think I could see our friendship the same way again.

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rocklifter

"...I don’t want our friendship to get in the way of him having a healthy relationship."

If she's this jealous in a newer relationship, it's already not healthy.

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Ilovewally

I get it, you’re trying to take the higher road, but this woman he is seeing sounds a bit jealous and territorial if you ask me

stupidpoopoohead00

im lowkey skeptical about her saying any of this. seems all we have abt her is what he says and he clearly has feelings for OP

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Now we need update if woman is real