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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-10 04:02:02+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/backpackdrama

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [26 M] of six months. I'm about to break up with him over a backpack but I need to know if I'm overreacting.

TRIGGER WARNING: Destruction od sentimental property

MOOD SPOILER: Rage inducing, but ends positive for OOP

Original Post - rareddit  June 4, 2016

My boyfriend Jacob and I have been together for half a year now. We met through mutual friends about two years ago. Jacob is a very laid back guy, and maybe since I have a lot of anxiety that attracted me to him. The past six months have been fun and without incident until now. I thought Jacob was a caring and thoughtful person and I really saw a future with him, but now I'm reconsidering.

Background info: I have a backpack that is covered with patches. Before this happened, I had about 35 patches sewn on it. This is a project that I started when I was 14 and needed a backpack for high school. Over the years, I collected patches from all the shows, concerts, and plays I've gone to, when I studied abroad and visited new cities and museums, gifts from friends and family etc. When I was 20 the bottom of my backpack ripped out, so I got a new one and carefully removed and reattached the patches. I don't carry a purse, I carry this backpack, literally every day. It might seem silly, but a lot of my personal history and favorite memories are tied (sewn?) to this backpack.

On Wednesday, Jacob and I were hanging out at my place watching Netflix with two mutual friends. My apartment has a much larger living room than his does, so we tend to hang out at my place. I had to work early Thursday morning, so I went to bed a little earlier and just told Jacob to lock up before he came to bed.

The next morning I go about getting ready for work and go to put some things in my backpack. That's when I notice it's missing patches, 11 to be precise. I immediately wake Jacob up, basically panicking asking what happened. He told me that he had invited three of his friends over after I had gone to sleep. Apparently they texted him because they were bar hopping near by and he told them to come over. At some point one of them saw my backpack sitting in the living room and said it was cool and they wanted one like it. And Jacob told them they could have some patches if they wanted. So they cut 11 patches off my bag.

I was livid. I still am. I can't really describe how betrayed I feel. A few of my patches were gifts from my father who passed away last year. He always loved helping me find new patches and bought me three limited release patches that are now very expensive and difficult to find. Those are all gone. I had one patch that my dad bought in 1994 and let me have. It's gone as well. Patches from my study abroad trip are gone too. I feel so so devastated.

I'm not proud of my reaction, I flipped the fuck out. A lot of what the fuck were you thinkings and how could you do this? I told him he had to call his friends that were over and get all the patches back. He said he would for the ones from my dad, but he would look too bad if he asked for the rest that "didn't mean as much". I asked him if he cared more about looking like a jackass to them or me. He hesitated and I freaked out and told him he had to leave.

I messaged the people I know were over on Facebook and got a response back from one person (one of the mutual friends). He brought my patches back Thursday night. He said he thought it was weird that Jacob offered but went along with it, and he apologized. So now I only have 9 patches missing. I know it sounds silly but I just feel so sick over it. I texted Jacob today about getting my dad's patches back and he just said he was going to contact them on the weekend. What's the point of waiting??? I talked to a couple close friends about what happened and told them I wanted to break up over this. They both saw this as an overreaction and that I should let it go and get more patches. Everyone seems to think because patches are cheap I shouldn't be so upset and should forgive him.

I need to know if I'm overreacting. My feelings are maybe I was being hysterical when I confronted Jacob and I didn't deal with it in the best way. But he hasn't been proactive about fixing the situation, he's only texted me once to tell me he was contacting his friends on the weekend. I'm so frustrated and hurt and I'm not sure how I will trust him again after this.

And before anyone asks, he absolutely knew what this backpack meant to me. Once when we were about a month in dating he asked me to give him the backstory to each patch. And he's seen me carry it every day.

tl;dr: My boyfriend had friends over and they took patches from my backpack. I want to dump him, but my friends think I'm overreacting.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

[deleted]

You're definitely not overreacting. Who the fuck offers to let their friends destroy something that doesn't belong to them because they think it looks cool?!? Get your stuff back and dump this idiot.

OOP

His explanation was that I had so many he didn't think I would mind and he's seen me give patches to people before.

That's true, but I've never given someone a patch from my own backpack. I bought them at shows or through online vendors specifically as gifts.

&

Yes!! Why would he think it was okay give away my property? It's so disrespectful! What kind of excuse is "I didn't think you would mind" in this situation?

&

He hasn't seemed to realize it yet. He's only texted me once since yesterday that he would contact his friends on the weekend. He hasn't apologized at all.

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OliviaPresteign

You're not overreacting. He had no right to give away your property, and the fact that he didn't immediately apologize and do everything he could to get them back shows that this wasn't a one-time lapse of judgment but a severe character flaw.

OOP

It would have been so different if he had apologized and showed an effort to get them back. But he argued about it and said I was overreacting.

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Maigraith

I could maybe understand if you two actually lived together and it was an item sitting on a counter or bookshelf that he gave away but this was something that was clearly not his that had to be physically cut off of what is essentially your purse. That is a huge violation even without the sentimental value being taken into account. You don't just go into someone else's home and give away their possessions.

OOP

This articulates my concerns really well. I feel that I invited them into my space and my own boyfriend facilitated them fucking with my property. What the hell??

Maigraith

Bottom line is he and they stole from you. I'm really confused why he or any of your friends are perfectly fine with that. I'd play nice until you get as many patches as possible back then dump him like the piece of shit he is.

OOP

He invited them to steal from me. They cut the patches off with a pocket knife and left holes in my bag.

My main effort is going to be getting my dad's patches back. I can get over the rest of them. But I really want those 4.

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elfgirl1317

Can the friend who returned your patches put you in touch with the other people? So you don't have to rely on your ex to get the patches back?

OOP

He had the number of the other mutual friend and told me he would message him too. The other three people are on Jacob's side of his social circle from college. I'm going to start Facebook stalking to see if I can find them.

Edit: My second mutual friend just called. He also had two patches, and promised to return them this weekend. One of them was one of my dad's patches! That's 7 left.

Editors Note: OOP tried to make an update but it wasn't approved, however OOP made 3 comments in a later post titled: My girlfriend [32F] gave away a lot of my things at a "clothing swap"/charity, and says that I [28M] am overreacting and too attached to material possessions to give closure

Comment 1  Aug 3, 2016 (2 months later)

I broke up with a guy who did something similar to me (post got deleted). It comes down to respect,even if it's material items, and I found that my ex didn't really respect me.

Something similar happened to me as well. He couldn't apologize to me either, so we ended up breaking up.

**Did OOP get all the patches...

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Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vkadnz/me_25f_with_my_boyfriend_26_m_of_six_months_im/

Did OOP get all the patches back?

Yes, I got them all back! :)I tried to update here but it got removed.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE

No remorse and cared about his reputation with friends then fixing damage with op!? What a idiot. Maybe if he was 13 we can work on that but not 26. I was really hoping he was just too drunk and would realize how wrong he was sober but nope.