This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Sebastianlim on 2026-08-12 03:03:39+00:00.

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I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/FirefighterOdd7228.

Trigger Warnings: Discussions of Biphobia, Outing, Physical Abuse, Accusations of Abuse.

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My girlfriend outed me to my family, Posted March 13th, 2025.

I'm 24M and she's 31F.

I'm bisexual but it's not something I talk about, especially not with family.

Admittedly, I've never had a public boyfriend or what could be described as a 'relationship' with a man. As far as my family knows, I'm straight.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and I only recently introduced her to my family.

On the last day of the visit to my parents, we were all outside around the fire. Some people, including my girlfriend were drinking wine. That's when she made a comment about me being bisexual. Everyone heard. I froze up in that moment and I gave her a look. She laughed it off, played with my hair and kept talking. Luckily it came across as a joke to most of my family.. but not my dad.

His demeanor that night changed and the morning before I left, he was being distant. I just know he's thinking about what she said. It's really messing with my head. To give you a bit of an idea about him. He's very rigid/conservative. I started modelling some years ago and he's had a hard time with that. When I went to Europe for work and he saw some of the editorials my mom showed him, he hated the looks and I became very selective of what I share.

I'm back in my city now and I live with my girlfriend.

I'm so angry at her, but she claims it was a slip up from being drunk.

Personally, no amount of alcohol would have me outing someone in front of their family. She only had one glass of wine. Instead of apologizing, she's focusing on how I should just distance myself from my family if they won't accept me.

AITAH for hanging onto this? My girlfriend thinks I'm being immature and holding onto a 'grudge'

Edit to include: My girlfriend knows I’m bi. I do disclose to partners. I just don’t disclose publicly. I think it’s unnecessary and not anyone’s business who I’m attracted to except the people I’m involved with. My girlfriend also knew I wasn’t out to family, and even though she only met them recently, she knew how they are.

Relevant Comments:

u/AlwaysHelpful22:

While accidents happen, she’s not the least bit sorry and is prepared to blame your family. She’s an AH.

Also, maybe your dad is irritated that he found out from someone who is almost a stranger instead of hearing directly from his son. Being the last to know about something important is irritating.

OP:

I understand. I think it's how she's been handling it that's bothering me and preventing me from 'dropping' it. No apology, no acknowledgement, just wanting me to start distancing myself from my family.

I would have liked to tell my parents, including my dad.. myself. In my own way. In a way he would understand. Now he's just thinking about it himself, in probably some twisted way that isn't true. It's just been weighing heavily on me.

u/Separate-Suspect-726 (This comment has been downvoted):

It was a mistake. If you’re not living honestly, don’t get upset when those around you aren’t as great as you wish they were at keeping your secrets.

OP:

I see. TBH I didn't think I had to explain my sexuality to anyone, or make some kind of announcement to anyone about it, including my family. I think it would be different if I had a boyfriend that I wanted to introduce.. then I'd take those steps.

 

DELETED COMMENT.

OP:

She doesn’t have an issue with me being bi. She’s actually been sort of proud about it when amongst our friends. In hindsight I think that’s a red flag I didn’t notice

u/Rickets_of_fallen:

Your gf sounds like a future ex who can't respect boundaries.

Your dad....the jury is out on that, he sounds like he's trying but it would be best to confront or confirm that he believed the gf first, "like hey dad noticed you started acting different after my gf made that joke about me being bisexual, everything okay?"

I hope that's it and he takes the phrasing as is and doesn't ask "just be clear you aren't are you?" Because if he asks that you gotta be honest, lying just makes it worse. And then if he does that you just have to be like "look dad I am what I am, it's not a choice, it's a part of me. It doesn't change how I feel about my family, and I hope it doesn't change how you feel about me. However if it does, I want to be as civil about this as possible, I still want to see the family, I still love all of you regardless and I hope we can co exist if nothing else. You're still my dad, no matter if you hate me now or not"

And leave the choice to him

OP:

Hey. Thanks this was kind of helpful. I'm going to try talking to my parents and try to sus out if I should talk about it.

It's actually easier to talk to my dad over the phone anyway.

Personally, I always felt that I don't need to share who I'm attracted to with my parents. We never had that kind of relationship. If I'd been seeing a man, it would have been different. It hasn't happened so I didn't 'come out'.

I also didn't mean to paint my dad to be a bigot or anything. He just has a very limited worldview. He's never actually said anything harmful or hateful towards anyone, including LGBTQ+ people. He's a very stoic? person. Doesn't talk. Difficult to talk to.

He does have conservative views though and we disagree on things. He's always been open to discuss. Ultimately he just keeps to himself, even amongst his pals.

I don't know. I think he's capable of understanding. I've been trying to get him to wrap his head around what's been happening in my 'career', which kind of picked up unexpectedly. It's been a lot for me too. So I get it. I just wish I could have had more time to ease my parents into things ... but what my girlfriend dropped, I wonder if it kind of dogpiled him with worry. I don't know how to explain it.

But thank you, and all you guys for your comments. I did read a lot of them. It got hard to keep up. The app started glitching. But they helped.

Update: My girlfriend outed me to my family, Posted March 24th, 2025.

Regarding my previous post

I wanted to thank everyone for reading and responding to my situation.

I tried to have a healthy conversation with my girlfriend to communicate how I felt, but it wasn't getting anywhere. Why is it so difficult to acknowledge a mistake and apologize? She said she's stressed out about work and instead of being a support to her, I'm adding on to her stress by being hung up on this issue. It's not that I am hung up on it; she refused to (at any point) let me express anything... it stretched out our conflict, which could've been resolved in one meaningful discussion.

Even during this conversation, she walked away from me so I decide to take a shower.

When I got out, I was using the hair dryer. I couldn't hear that well over the thing and sometimes you think you heard something but it's nothing... but after a few seconds I turned it off to listen... it was definitely like a scream/yell. Immediately, I went to the kitchen. She had dropped some glasses, and had cut her foot. She was sitting on the floor.

I helped her. She told me she's just overwhelmed and has too many things to think about lately. After a few minutes, the bleeding had pretty much stopped but she insisted on having me take her to the ER. I told her she'll be waiting for hours for nothing.. she doesn't need stitches.

This is when she just ..exploded. We were still on the floor. She pulled her hands out of mine and slapped me. It was so fast. My face was close to hers when it happened... I didn't see it coming. She just started yelling at me to get away from her and saying 'you really don't care, you took so long to come because you've been holding a grudge against me' (referring to the incident at my parents) and some other stuff. I comforted her until she calmed down. She's never done anything like this before.

And I guess when she hit me she ended up scratching my face with her nail and it was bleeding a little. I hadn't noticed but she did and she apologized and wanted to take me into the bedroom to clean the blood and put ointment on it. I told her it's fine but she got really fixated on taking care of me and started getting upset again because I said it was 'fine' so I gave in.

The next day she posted on IG stories a photo of her foot in bandage. I didn't think anything of this post but this weekend I learned she had cancelled some plans with friends, claiming we had an incident .. but I think she made it seem like I did something wrong? The reason I think this is because one of her friends that I am working on a project with said something like 'resorting to violence is a red flag'. I asked him...

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Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vm2bt6/my_girlfriend_outed_me_to_my_family/

The next day she posted on IG stories a photo of her foot in bandage. I didn't think anything of this post but this weekend I learned she had cancelled some plans with friends, claiming we had an incident .. but I think she made it seem like I did something wrong? The reason I think this is because one of her friends that I am working on a project with said something like 'resorting to violence is a red flag'. I asked him to explain what the fuck that means, he refused to clarify.

I talked to my girlfriend about it, but she's pleasant with me, fusses over my scratch (barely even there anymore) and says she doesn't know what the friend was talking about. She even apologized for how she handled what she said in front of my family. I feel like an asshole now. I know this felt long-winded but I didn't know how else to explain why I feel so emotionally exhausted. I'm starting to realize that maybe I was too focused on my own fear of what my family overheard that night that I stopped paying attention to everything else?

About my dad: Since my last update, I also reached out to my dad and asked him if anything that was said the night before I left made him feel a certain way, and if he wanted to talk about it with me. He said he was confused by what she said. I'm bisexual? what's that supposed to mean? I'm glad we had a conversation. I think it was a first of many we're going to have in the future, and although it didn't feel as cathartic or even much of a relief like I thought it would.. we ended on a note that felt like at least we could have more talks. Personally, I just hate labels and having to explain sexuality and stuff - to anyone. But I understand that in the long run it's probably a good thing to be open with family. I'm trying.

Edit: Update https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/c8g2PsZVbj

Relevant Comments:

u/Lucky-Effective-1564:

For fuck's sake, she outed you to your family and then she assaulted you. Move on.

OP (This comment has been downvoted):

It's not assault because it wasn't intentional. She was just overwhelmed in the moment and apologized right after. She's never hit me before. She eventually apologized for outing me too.. so I think this is all on me. I was too focused on my POV that I missed what was going on with her..

Edit to add the below text

I’ve been reading comments all day. It’s been helpful in realizing how abnormal my understanding of everything is. The narrative I was holding onto is slowly starting to fall apart.. but when I step away from my phone and have an interaction with her, it’s really hard to maintain the clarity… idk how to explain. But there’s a few comments I saved that I’m going to keep reading over and over to try to hold onto reality

I don’t know what to do next.. But I’m going to ask for help.. I feel way in over my head right now.

Thanks for helping me.. Even if I don’t reply I probably read your comment and am grateful for it

u/JenIsSalty:

You are making excuses for her. SHE ASSAULTED YOU! If a female friend had come to you saying that their partner had hit them hard enough during an argument to make them bleed, what would your advice be?

OP (This comment has been downvoted):

It's not that she hit me so hard I bled. Her manicure scratched me... she apologized right away and said she didn't mean to. But I'm reading the comments and I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm under-reacting...

u/Voldemorts_eyebrows:

Nobody on reddit is gonna make you leave her, but just picture what happens when you really piss her off.

I have a friend who's 6'4", rugby build. His partner was 5'3", small built and not remotely scary. Until she cut him off from all friends and family and eventually started slipping meds in his drinks. He's lucky he escaped alive. You think it can't be you, until it is you.

OP (This comment has been downvoted):

We have that almost same size difference and I think that also makes it hard for me to see her in the way I should be seeing her.. because I always feel like it's me who should be more careful. I don't know.. like, in that moment I started to wonder if I intimidated her or got too close to her when she was overwhelmed and needed space. Things like that. I'm just sharing how I saw it. I'm not saying I'm right.. I'm not being defensive. Just giving context.

So I appreciate what you shared because it's making me rethink. All the comments are kind of hitting me really hard right now so I might stop replying but it doesn't mean I'm not listening.. or that I disagree. I'm trying to absorb it.

I came on here because something doesn't feel right, but I couldn't figure out why.. so thank you.

Its been a year op gtfo!

The monster outed op, then posted op did something wrong when he didnt, then started attacking op randomly? Bruh id wonder if she had dementia.

Reddit comments sum it up nicely

I'm 24M and she's 31F

I live with my girlfriend.

she's focusing on how I should just distance myself from my family if they won't accept me.

RUN

She probably outed him on purpose, hoping to create friction with his family, specifically so she could suggest distancing himself. She is what lots of abusers do - she got comfortable and overplayed her hand. OOP and his family didn't actually play along with her script, but she kept trying to stick to it anyway. When it kept not working, she escalated to the next part of the script - self harm that she could insinuate was caused by OOP, along with violence that she could use to be all apologetic about, putting OOP in the position of trying to make her feel better about hitting him.