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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/mmanyquestionss on 2026-08-13 04:35:01+00:00.

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OP: u/cheesy_way_out | Originally posted to r/TwoXIndia |

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 9 days old.

Having one or more kids late in life (July 29, 2026)

TL;DR: I’m 34 and want children, but my husband keeps delaying or refusing without clarity. We’re finally stable after years of stress, but I’m worried about further delays or incompatibility on having kids. I’m preparing for a serious conversation and would like real experiences from women who had children after 35 about the physical, emotional, and long-term realities of later motherhood.

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Hi, I'm looking for advice from women who married later in life and had one or more children after 35.

I got married at 30 and I'm now 34. My husband and I seem to have developed very different views about having children, and I'm struggling to understand what to do. I would like to have 2 children but my husband seems to have changed his mind.

Before we got married, I told him multiple times that I wanted children. However, life threw a lot of challenges our way during the first four years of our marriage.

The first two years were spent just trying to make our marriage work. Despite dating for almost seven years before getting married, we had massive fights, questioned whether we'd made the right decision, and it often felt like we didn't know the person we'd married.

Things started improving in our third year, but then my husband's company went through repeated periods of layoffs and job uncertainty. The work pressure was immense, and for almost the next two years, our focus shifted to getting through that. At the same time, I was dealing with office politics and wanted to reach a certain income level before having children.

We're finally in a relatively better place now. But every time I bring up trying for a baby, his answer is either "not now" or simply "no." I never get a clear timeline or explanation. During an argument once, he even said, "I'll never have kids," and that completely shattered me. Since then, I've been getting very mixed signals.

I've decided to have a proper conversation with him in a couple of days. I have a feeling he'll say he's still not ready or that he wants to travel to several places before we have children. While I understand wanting to enjoy life together, I also know I won't be happy with another indefinite delay.

At the same time, I don't want to bring a child into the world if one partner isn't wholeheartedly on board. Parenting is a huge commitment, and I don't want either of us to do it half-heartedly.

My biggest worry is my age. I'm already 34. Whether we wait another year, or whether this leads to separation and I eventually remarry, I can't help but feel like I'm running out of time.

I'd really love to hear from women who had one or more children after 35.

How has your experience been? Do you find it physically more demanding to keep up with young children? Do you ever worry about being in your 60s while your children are still relatively young? Looking back, is there anything you wish you'd known before becoming an older parent?

I'm not looking for reassurance that "34 is still young." I know many women have healthy pregnancies later in life. I'm looking for honest experiences from women who've actually lived it, both the positives and the challenges.

Relevant Comments:

Fit_Funny7389: I did not have a baby after 35. I am turning 34 soon and my baby is 6 months old.

I was in the same boat with me wanting a baby and husband rather be childfree but with the catch that if a kid is what I want he can live with it but given a choice he would rather not.

I realised that I really wanted to be a mom and if I delay too long I would end up resenting my husband and our relationship might not survive. So I put my foot down and put a timeline of if we start trying it might take some time to have a baby. I told him that my life and body would be the most affected, so I would rather have the baby now and I can’t delay anymore.

He is a wonderful man but somewhere in the back of my head I was also ready to be a solo parent than raise a child not given attention by dad, since it was a one sided decision. However in my case his apprehension was definitely from a point of knowing that children are a lot of work, he puts all this work in after the baby was born. Our baby dotes on him and my husband can feed, bathe, change and put him to sleep all by himself.

OP: How did you approach this topic with your husband? Were you prepared for a no I dont want kids at all answer? Also curious how long did it take for you to conceive after starting to try? Sorry Im asking too many questions. Im just overwhelmed right now.

Fit_Funny7389: No worries, happy to answer. It is a hard and life changing decision so feeling overwhelmed in the thick of it is only natural. I actually approached it with empathy with my husband. Raising a child is no joke, once you are a parent you will be parents for a lifetime. So I did acknowledge that what he is saying is right. We won’t have freedom the same way to travel, we won’t have as much time for hobbies, we both love trekking so that would need to pause for a while. However, I told him that I have always thought of being a mom and I can’t keep delaying it for long, because if later on complications arise, I would only hold resentment for him since I feel ready now. [....] Being involved on each step and having a clear timeline once we made a decision really helped in making sure we aren’t rethinking things again

OP: This is really great. Thanks for answering. I do also feel that if my husband gives me mixed signals or no not now-ish answers again. The resentment will build. I know it is already starting to build inside me. I think its also a good point to mention.

Imadethissoi: I had a baby in early 40’s. My delay was due to infertility. We were trying to adopt for years etc. If your husband doesn’t want kids and you do, drop him. Take some time to heal and find a partner who is on the same page if you want to marry again.

Freeze your eggs though.

Hour_Acanthaceae5418: It sounds like he doesn't want to have kids. I'm sorry you are going through this but it seems like this is non negotiable for you. Why did you marry him if he never answered clearly on whether he wants kids?

This is one of the first questions I asked my husband when we were and he wasn't sure, so I told him either he is in or out as that is non negotiable for me.

Even if he says to having kids, how much will he contribute for the upbringing kids. You have lots to work on your relationship honestly. Also biological age is extremely important. Yes there are people who concieve after 35 but doctors support is needed provided you have no issues and both of you are healthy. I wish you the best.

[UPDATE] Having one or more kids later in life (August 4, 2026)

Original post : [post link]

TL;DR : Husband admitted he decided he didnt want kids long ago despite knowing I have always wanted them. He kept me in the dark until I confronted. I feel utterly deceived and giving myself 6 months after which my marriage would have officially ended.

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First of all thank you everyone who shared their experiences and advices with me.

I confronted my husband directly and said I wanted to start having kids. This whole time my assumption was that he wants to live life a little more and hence delaying. I have been very clear from the beginning that I wanted kids. He never said no , he talked like he was on the same page.

Yesterday he finally admitted saying he does not want kids at all, given the current situation in the world with wars, education , jobs etc. This is 3.5 years after our marriage. Not once did he mention this to me and I have no idea he is thinking this.

To be honest I feel deceived and betrayed. If I didn't bring it up he was never going to tell me he changed his mind or wasn't actually ever considering it. Keeping me in the dark for the last many years.

On my end. I told him clearly that he can take some more time to contemplate but not an indefinite amount of time. I myself am giving this 6 months. I have emotionally checked out from this marriage after this though and I cry a lot. In these 6 months I've planned to visit some of my inlaws for the only reason that no matter how shitty my marriage has been with their son, my inlaws have showered me with a lot of love and care that I never knew a family could give. And I would like to meet them all and thank them in some way. At the beginning of next year, I will be starting the divorce proceedings.

However, I cry a lot these days knowing that in my heart my marriage is essentially over and im 34 now. Finding another partner and feeling comfortable enough to have a child with them while I still can seems almost impossible. And the thought that I may never be a mom , with the added thought of feeling so terribly deceived by the man Ive loved with all my heart for over 12 years. He has been a jerk and extremely mean and not the best partner countless times and I forgave him for everything.

But this I can't move ...

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But this I can't move on from. Im sad that all the dreams I had for my life have come shattering down. Maybe I could still have a good life in the future, but at this moment everything feels like the end. And that I will have to give up on all the love I received after my marriage from everyone else except my husband.

So that's it, im just coming to terms with everything. If you read this far, I thank you for your patience in listening to me.

Relevant Comments:

rumpusgem: This is so heartbreaking op. Lots of strength and love to you. Why are you giving this marriage 6 more months? He clearly doesn’t want kids and you do so what will change in these 6 months? I feel it may cause more trauma.

Would you consider freezing your eggs?

OP: Im giving 6 months as a last chance for my marriage. To also tell myself. That i gave it every chance I could.

Freezing eggs are not a very affordable option for me. So ive told myself If fate decides im not meant to have kids, then im not going to fight it. But I will also not stay where I feel betrayed. Then I will do right by myself and care about my dreams and aspirations alone.

Minute_Abroad2512: It's ok OP. Don't beat yourself up. Shit happens which is not within our control. I would advise you to start dating. More to stop appearing needy to other men. Being a divorcee is hard as you tend to attract all sorts of wrong attention. I was you except with a kid. Divorced my ex. Got remarried. Have two more kids now. So good riddance to bad shit! All the best OP

OP: So happy for you! Wishing you all the best! I dont know what life holds for me after this. But will try my best to focus on myself and my dreams :)