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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-16 04:02:02+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/redefine19

Has anyone ever had an extremely close friend want to suddenly stop all communication with you?

Originally posted to r/AskReddit

Editors Note: Changed Initials N, P & R to Nick, Penny and Roger for easier reading

Original Post  June 5, 2014

Yeah, it was weird.

This guy was my best friend all the way through college and for several years after that. We knew each others deepest, darkest secrets. We dropped MDMA and acid together. He cried on my shoulder at his grandfather's funeral. He was going to be Best Man at my wedding.

One day, we were at the pub and a mutual friend of ours came over and we got talking. At one point he said to my friend, "Hey, weren't you going to ask redefine19 something?"

"I can't", replied my friend and walked away.

He went straight home without explanation.

That was 4 years ago and I have spoken to him exactly once since then, at a party. He seemed quite friendly and warm towards me until I asked him what had happened that day he left me in the pub. As soon as I mentioned it he walked away and refused to talk to me again.

He won't accept my friend requests on Facebook or respond to my texts and our mutual friends have no idea what's going on.

I've moved on now. If he doesn't want to talk to me then fair enough. I'll stop trying to figure it out. I would just like to know what happened because it's a total mystery to me. Even our mutual friend who was also there at pub that day says he doesn't remember what the conversation was about or why he reacted that way.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

KruegersNightmare

You need to pressure the pub friend to tell you, he knows. It was obviously some sort of a big deal, otherwise your friend wouldn't react that way. He was probably instructed not to say anything.

Mysterious.

OOP

You know, I have always suspected this. To be honest, I haven't seen the mutual pub friend for a few years. I've moved away from that town now and I'd rather not get involved in it now.

If it was a big deal then, it probably isn't a big deal anymore :)

[deleted]

It's a big deal to us. You've dragged all of us into your mysterious life happenings and we deserve to know! Now, get to the bottom of this issue, dig up buried hatchets, scrape open healed wounds, and do it because Reddit needs answers.

He probably took your winning lottery ticket without telling you and is having a blast spending your fortune. That's what I say.

~

Pijay

Probably he's gay and he loves you but can't cope with that.

OOP

I never even considered that but I guess it is kind of plausible. Damn.

FrankenstineGirls

Or he fooled around with your partner and was supposed to tell you. Mutual pub friend knew, and prompted the conversation.

Maybe mutual pub friend didn't think it was his place to tell you himself, which is why he hadn't divulged the information. He might have just wanted your other friend to man up and sort it out.

Maybe.

Or maybe he loves you.

~

frayuk

Reddit DEMANDS closure!

Edit: Okay, most of you seem to think he was either screwing my girlfriend or he was totally gay for me. The more I think about it, the easier it is to believe that either one of these scenarios could be true. In any case, it doesn't really matter now. It was years ago. I have a new best friend now and I'm married to the girl of my dreams. (Additional edit: I married a different girl to the one I was seeing 4 years ago) Thanks for your input, guys!

To whoever bought me Gold, thank you!

Okay, guys. You've worn me down. I'm going to try speak to my friend and the mutual friend and get to the bottom of this. I'll post the results. Please be aware that I may not get instant results (or indeed any results at all) so watch this space.

Update 1) I tried contacting the mutual friend but he appears to be unreachable. According to a couple of my friends he moved to Wales to study at university a couple of years ago and kind of lost touch with everyone here in England. Also, he isn't on Facebook or Twitter or anything and no-one seems to know what he is doing.

My mysterious friend (the guy who ditched me at the pub) has either deleted his Facebook or has blocked me. I'm currently in the process of getting his phone number. I've also asked a couple of friends to let him know that I would really like to speak to him. I found out that he's currently engaged to a girl! Hopefully I'll get closer to talking to him tonight but it's getting kind of late here and don't think it polite to bother him this late. Perhaps more to follow in the morning.

Update 1a) I got my friend's number from another friend. I sent him a Whatsapp message asking him to call me or text me back and that I know it's been a while since we spoke but I'd really love to speak to him and maybe catch up. My phone tells me that he last checked his Whatsapp messages this afternoon. Like I said earlier, it's getting pretty late now so I'm going to assume that he's asleep. And on that note, I'm going to bed (I've got to wake up at 5am). Fingers crossed I have some news in the morning. Night night :)

Update 2) Good news, everyone! My friend (who, to avoid confusion, from here forward we'll call Roger. The mutual friend can be Nick) replied to my message. He said he was working until 3.30pm today and will give me a call this afternoon. The message sounded pretty friendly too. It started with "Hey man!" and he added a smiley, which I think makes it look promising. It's been over two years since I last spoke to him so I'll have to be careful how I approach the conversation later on. Obviously, I'll update you later on how that goes. Getting a bit nervous now.

2:04pm GMT - Starting to get really nervous about talking to my friend when he calls in a while. You guys have no idea how close I came to not texting Roger and just pulling off the longest, most elaborate and most suspenseful "tree fiddy" gag in reddit history instead. Don't worry, I wouldn't do that to you, reddit. I just hope he does call me like he said.

OOP Updated the Next Day, June 6, 2014

WARNING! BIG ASS WALL OF TEXT AHEAD!

Update 3) (or 4 or 5 or whatever) I just had a very illuminating conversation with Roger. We had a lovely catch up. He's getting married in September and asked if I wanted to come along. He now runs his own business and DJ's at the weekend... But you don't want to hear about that!

Here we go:

So, collectively, Reddit decided that he was either banging my girlfriend or he was in love with me. Well, the truth is actually a mixture of both.

He wasn't banging my girlfriend. He was in love with her! I think one or two of you actually suggested this but weren't taken very seriously. Give yourselves a round of applause. You were spot on!

You see, what happened is this. Before I started dating my ex (let's call her Penny), Roger had a huge crush on her. We were all at school together but we didn't really know each other then. The problem was, he never said anything about it to anyone. So when I started dating her after college, he felt really envious towards me. I mean, this guy was seriously head-over-heels in love with her but he never did anything about it. I got to know him in college and we became best friends and then when Penny came back on the scene and me and her started dating after Roger and I left college he started to slowly resent me.

When we all started hanging out together, it got incredibly hard for him to watch me and her together as a couple. He kept it all bottled up inside.

Nick, the mutual friend never actually knew about this but he did know "something" was wrong and that Roger really wanted to tell me about it. He said "ask" but "tell" would have been more accurate.

The day Roger met me in the pub, he thought he was ready to tell me but he lost his nerve at the last minute and just couldn't do it. He didn't want to risk splitting us up and making his best friend unhappy. Even though he wanted so much to be with her, he just couldn't betray his best friend. I do think he should have told me that day instead of just cutting me out of his life altogether, but he was obviously hurting so much that he felt that it was his only option left at the time. I kinda feel bad putting it on the internet but this is reddit and I'm just an anonymous stranger so I suppose that makes it a bit better. I just hope he isn't a redditor.

After he left me in the pub that day, I sent him a few texts and facebook messages over a few months but then kind of gave up.

On the phone, he said if I had sent him a friend request or a text in the last year or so, he would have responded. The reason he hasn't been in touch lately is because he assumed I was mad at him. He was so relie...

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Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1vpmuzx/has_anyone_ever_had_an_extremely_close_friend/

On the phone, he said if I had sent him a friend request or a text in the last year or so, he would have responded. The reason he hasn't been in touch lately is because he assumed I was mad at him. He was so relieved to finally get all of this off his chest.

My ex did end up cheating on me with a different guy, but that's a whole other story.

So, we're friends again thanks to you guys. Now we can start building bridges. Am I mad at him for totally ditching me for years? Hell no! He handled it the only way that made sense to him at the time. I respect that and any hurt or confusion he may have caused is long gone. Was I mad at him for being in love with my girlfriend? Please. What, I'm going to be mad at someone for having feelings for another person? Come on. Besides, the way I see it: he saw her first, he just didn't do anything about it.

Thanks for pestering me to resolve this with your OP pls!'s and the like. Thanks, Reddit. You're awesome.

I'm sorry this story didn't have a more exciting ending but that's life. Stories in real life usually have boring endings. Thanks for sticking with me for this long.

TL;DR Friend was totally gay for my girlfriend, not me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's Friday; I just finished work and now I'm going to get very, very drunk.

FINAL COMMENTS

applepiepod

I'm so happy for you! That's awesome when things work out like that. Good on you for following through!

OOP

Thank you. I'm completely thrilled to bits :)

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Op is a real one. No crazy drama. Just said bro I got you and we never stopped being friends.

Also op mate did the right thing better he leave then live in pain or so something worse.