(I) Wonder (if you can even call it) Bread

Wonder Bread is fine. Is it "good bread"? Lmfao no, by no metric, but what it is is dirt fucking cheap, subsidized by the government, widely manufactured throughout the country and enriched with enough developmentally essential nutrients/vitamins to prove very effective in reducing childhood and adult malnutrition related diseases amongst the poorest populations in the country for the last 60-some years.

It's not a parisian baguette no, but absolutely nobody has ever thought it compares (with one hilarious exception), and the world is overall better for it's existence.

Are you sure how you understand how this community is supposed to work? No one is going to hell for that ...

Hopefully the president

I mean, considering wine the most notable cuilinary contribution of the french might get you condemned there by more than a few members of the french populace....

If only it was real!

But but, CHEMICALS! shakes violently in European

There's so much awful shit to criticize the US about. Just horrible stuff.

But the food ain't it.

But the food ain’t it.

If you only go by taste and ignore the health aspects, sure.

Biden hasn't been in office in years

More pedophiles in positions of power than the rest of all human history put together.

You sure? The Vatican and British have been at it multiple times longer then the US even existed.

Cool?

This is one of my favorite weird ones - people decry it as "plastic cheese" and hold it up as a paragon of american culinary regression based on that assumption. But as it turns out, it's... not that bad?

Easy Cheese is an aged yellow (annatto) cheddar cheese emulsion (of cheese and some amount of milk + oil + water), sold in a disposable charger. It's pretty much just that - the only things that aren't cheese are a couple emulsifying salts (gross fun fact: sodium citrate (one of the salts) is the most common anticoagulant used for the preservation of whole blood - if you've ever had a transfusion, you've had it flowing through your veins!), alginate as a thickener and Apocarotenal (E160e), the only really questionable ingredient. It's purpose, as far as I am aware, is only as a color stabilizer (derived from spinach originally, now usually extracted from citrus pomace!) and it could easily be removed. While approved in pretty much every country for food use, there's been some studies coming out that show that excess amounts can accelerate cell oxidation (which I don't know what means but it sure sounds very scary).

People have been making whipped/blended cheeses by hand for thousands of years, and spray cheese for about as long as whipping siphons have been around (IIRC it originated in France with a "foamed brie" dish that (apocryphally) blew up the kitchen where it was developed due to an improvised and leaky gasometer. I doubt this is true though, as I cannot figure out how they would have pressurized the siphon assembly. Maybe some kind of spray-cheese whoopie cushion?). I personally quite dislike the texture, but I also dislike Nitro coffee/tea because of the overly 'smooth' texture the nitrogen gives it, so I suspect that's an issue exacerbated the autism.

That all said, the 'american' flavor of Easy Cheese is just this side of "dead rats" on the scale of "concerning things to find in someone's fridge" - it's basically flavorless, and although that begrudgingly does make it mostly inoffensive, anyone who willingly obtains it in favor of the cheddar version is probably angling to turn your skin into a charming couch cover...

That's more or less a summary of the major issues with American food. It's industrialized and standardized into a way where it'll keep you alive for cheap and is inoffensive. But it's weirdly sweet and one can't help but wonder why the first mass subsidized bread wasn't whole wheat.

White bread lasts longer than whole-wheat bread, and white flour is the cheapest available flour (well, since industrialization. Historically it was reserved for special occasions and the social elites) . Also Wonderbread is available in whole wheat. Also also:

In the United States, consumers sometimes refer to white bread as "sandwich bread" or "sandwich loaf". [9] It is often perceived as an unhealthy, bland, and unsophisticated menu item.

Hostess, the makers of such delightful American™ staple foods as Twinkies, Ho-Hos and (for many years) Wonderbread, went bankrupt more than a decade ago, so like... they weren't (and aren't) a huge part of the american diet.

that

who

We don't objectify people, even terrible people, because objectifying people lays our own faults bare.

Well yeah, how else are you supposed to enjoy a Twinkie wiener sandwich?

Sure, bud. Rich people just decided to start fucking kids this generation and not like, five minutes after the first ape had a thought.

^This is what passes for funny to Republicans.

This is also why y'alls family won't talk to you anymore.

Just spent an incredible weekend camping and on the lake with mine! Hope your family life gets better, man.

We have ungodly amounts of dairy

I hope your wife leaves you for a real man.

You know, one that isn't a supporter of child-raping traitors.

She actually laughed out loud when I read this to her.

She says "tell him I'm already not a supporter of Biden"

Not only do we have incredible food, but we have incredibly disgusting food too.

I think the actual answer is whiskey. Europe seems to like to stock Jack Daniel’s in its liquor stores.

Well, that makes one of us that can make her laugh.

Whiskey is Irish. I think you meant bourbon, which is strictly American.

What's got you so perpetually angry at strangers online? Everything OK at home?

The first whiskey was distilled in Ancient Mesopotamia. Modern whiskey came from Italy in the 12th Century.

Why do they always show it on crackers?

It's clearly best when you fill burlesque with it.

Whisky is more generic, bourbon is a whisky. Like how Canada has Rye which is also a whisky.

The first records of how to distill alcohol are from the 9th century AD, way after ancient Mesopotamia. There are records of distillation in ancient Mesopotamia but its of things like sea water into pure distilled water.
Italy has the first records of distilling wine, which isn't whiskey. You'd more likely get vodka than whiskey from that.
The first reference to whiskey is in the The Red Book of Ossory, from Ireland. https://www.stcanicescathedral.ie/red-book-of-ossory/

Bourbon is its own unique spirit. It has to be made with at least 51% corn, which is its key difference (Rye has to be at least 51% rye grain).