Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/1vr1jiz/i_hit_my_rock_bottom_i_just_cried_because_i_got/

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The original was posted on /r/autism by /u/ejdmkko on 2026-08-17 19:04:20+00:00.

My executive funcioning is below zero. I just spiraled so hard because it is too much for me to handle. i will have to put clothes on because im anked when im at home because clothes are too much and then I would have to wash clothes and cant handle that. Then I need to deal with the boxes and take them inside where they will be sitting in my hallway for literally a week and it will take out all the space and i will be forced do to gymnastic to get around it to the bathroom. And then I think I gave myself concussion because 3 days ago I had very bad panic attack/meltdown and the only thing that callemed me down was violenly hitting myself in the head to the point that vision went black for few swconds and now days later sometimes when I mvoe my head my vision gets blurry for few seconds. And so now i was crying so hard, that I overexerted my chest or something muscles to the pooint that i vomited and as im reading this i dont even this is real, if i didnt just experience this i would feel like im just making it up to get an attention like some emo teen whos cutting themselves. And literally year ago I had job I loved even tho it was part time and i struggled to get outside the door even tho it took me 2 hours of pushing myself but i still managed to. and now its been almost a year since i was able to go outside and i havent had conversation with anyone else other than psychiatrists or social workers. and next time i hear someone saying "we are all little autistic" or autism is cute and quirky i will fucking punch that peson because this is not cute or quirky, it is scary and im terrfied and all i wanna do is to slip open my veins to never feel like this, but i cant even get that fucking escape because if anything touches my skin not to mention worse it would trigger another meltdown and i dont want to have another meltdown while im fucking bleeding to death. and even crying feels so horrible, that sensation you get when your nose is full and the tears are building up in your eyes before they drop and then it dragds down the face i might as well rub my skin with sand paper and i wouldnt feel any different, only less wet. and knowing that once i calm down there will be still fucking groceries outside the door that i would have to deal with, but on top of that I will be so exhasuted from this meltdown/tantrum thing that it will be so much more imposible.