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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-08-19 04:00:01+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/congratsitsalie

Me [21F], Boyfriend [25M] of 3mo has lied about being adopted for (presumably) over ten years. Would I be nuts for staying with him?

Original Post  Aug 7, 2016

I've suspected his story ever since I met him, but I thought I was being unnecessarily skeptical/questioning of someones "traumatic" upbringing to have made a big deal of it. Until yesterday.

We were visiting his parents and I was making chit chat. As parents are prone to do, his mother started talking about when he was a kid. Which was odd because he told me he came to this country as 11, and was adopted by these people at 12.

I didn't call it out, but I asked some questions to verify for myself, like "Haha, wow, how old was he then?" and such. Boyfriend has obviously gone very, very quiet as we're talking. We had to leave shortly after, and I wait for him to make the first move when we're in the car. Which he does.

"I hate it when they do that, they fabricate my mothers stories and tell them as if it were their own."

"Where did they get the stories from?"

"Her diary."

"Where is that diary now?"

"In a bank box in the capital."

"Why would they do that?"

"Because they don't want to tell people I'm adopted."

"No point in lying to me though, since I would obviously have been told."

"Yes well."

"I did notice that she never specifically mentioned herself in that story."

"Yes, see!"

We talked a little, mostly I was quiet, digesting it all. Thing is, I've always suspected his story to be BS, it's too improbable, too much sob. He's actually from USA, his real parents and brother died in a housefire, no relatives wanted him in, and he was abandoned in an airport here.

Before I left the car I told him that I'd love him even if his parents were telling the truth, and he went to work, late shift. When he came back, he told me the truth. Showed me his birth certificate and some photos. Told me (who knows, a story?) about why he's been lying for the last ten years. He was kicked out/ran away from home when he was 15 and lived in a friends basement for half a year. When there was talk of getting CPS involved, he lied, and has kept it up ever since. He even changed his very traditional name to an English one and explained it by saying his parents forcibly renamed him to make him fit in and he decided to take his name back. We talk English together because he says it makes him more comfortable. He told his parents and family he changed his name because he didn't like it.

I still mean what I said, I care for him even though he's been lying. I said it doesn't change the fact that he's a kind, hard-working, caring person, and I made the demand that he see a psychiatrist and that he just has to suck up the price because his mental health is more important (small edit: which he agreed to do). But is this nuts? He's wanted to buy a house since before we met, and we had a talk about how the house should fit us five years ahead. He visited his parents to show them the one he's set on. I really want some outsider perspective here, and I'm not ready to "expose" him by talking to my friends about this yet.

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tl;dr: Boyfriend has lied to everyone for ten years about being adopted when he's not, even changed his name to make it more credible, scale of 1 to Jesus Christ, Why On Earth: how crazy I am for being willing to look past this now that he's come clean to me and carry on?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

DonaldJDarko

I don't think I would be able to get past that. He clearly has no problem lying to you and keeping up a very obvious lie.

As a last ditch effort you could sit him down and give him the opportunity to come clean by straight up asking him about it. I mean we get stories here occasionally from people who told what at the time seemed like a little lie that spiralled completely out of control. It's shitty, but people sometimes do stupid things when they're dating and in love.

However, if he doesn't come clean after you straight up call him out on it, or if his reaction regarding admitting it is anything other than sincere regret, you should dump the fucker on the spot. If he isn't genuinely sorry or can't own up to it when specifically called out, he can't really be trusted because he clearly has no trouble telling blatant lies.

OOP

He had no problem lying to literally everyone, he made that clear when he changed his name. This is absolutely the case of a lie spiralling out of control, like you say.

I don't think you saw that he did come clean, he did this on his own when it became clear that I was wise to it, I did not specifically call him out on it. He's already agreed to see a psychiatrist.

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vengeance_pigeon

My personal gut feeling is that he's still lying. His new story doesn't make much more sense than the old one.

OOP

You're right. I'll see if I can't get some verification on this one as well. If he's lying about his parents being abusive as well, I can't possibly stay.

Six in the morning, day two edit: scratch all that about trying to be understanding and shit. Turns out he IS a compulsive liar, and I barely know a single true thing about him. This is like The Sixth Sense where you've had a weird feeling all through the movie and at the end you get that "Aha!" Moment that explains everything. I'm currently at my friends house and honestly a little hungover, I'll make a proper edit later.

OOP Updated the post Aug 8, 2016 (Next Day/Same Post)

UPDATE:

I had to drive over to his this morning to get my work uniform, and all my other stuff while I was at it. He keeps telling me we don't have to break up, he loves me and wants to change for me, he's gonna stop it, seek therapy, fess up to everyone. I have zero second thoughts about breaking up. All of these things are nice things to do, sure, but I'm not gonna stick around to watch.

Yesterday, after writing this and reading your responses, I went to visit him for his lunch break as we had already planned, and I asked him straight up, was there anything else he had lied about. He said no, nothing that he could think of. So I decided to help refresh his memory. Anything I had had doubts about, but never called him out on.

Other things he has lied about:

• Being sent to Afghanistan as his army service. He has never even been there.
• Owned part of a small business importing cognac. No, his dad did.
• He and his brother bought his parents their house. No, he just helped them put down the floors.
• Owns three cars, one he bought for his father and one for his brother. Just, no.
• That wine he served me on our third date was wildly expensive and amazing, something that had gone down as one of our "cute stories" because I later told him I didn't even like red wine. In reality it's a sorta nice one bought on holiday by, once again, his dad.
• !!!! Was inches away from death when his crazy stalker ex stabbed him in the lower stomach area, she was sentenced to six months forced psychiatric care. !!!! He is now saying that she did stalk and stab him, but it was only a flesh wound. He never even filed a police rapport. This is a story he told the first time we met, and it was absolutely horrifying the amount of gruesome detail I got. He has since repeated it several times while in my company, to my friends and his. And this is fucked up.

I'm still learning more, but I am ready to go no contact and have wiped my hands off of the whole relationship. I'm glad I found out now. A little conflicted on whether I should tell his parents, since I have no faith he'll do it on his own but I'm not sure their relationship could ever snap back from that.

FINAL COMMENTS

When asked to clear up the name, adoption and English speaking from the original post

I changed a few tiny details to obscure our identities in case anyone he knows reads this, but I don't care about protecting his lies anymore. We're in Norway, he said he was adopted from UK. Changed his name to an English one when he was 21 and explained to people that it was his original name from before he was adopted, that his parents had renamed him to a Norwegian one when he came here. In reality, he's born and raised in the same little city as me.

OOP on why she never questioned anything

It feels so terrible that these were such traumatic stories, that I wanted to help and support him because it was all so tragic, but you know, it's ... too tragic. And what are you gonna do, someone is practically crying from sharing intimate details and you say "Yeah, but, do you have any proof?"

And finally

I updated my post with all the other things I've found out now he lied about, and yup. He only came clean when he got caught. I gave him the chance, and he refused it.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Guess some one didn't get to read boy who cried wolf.