The chicken is miserable but is clearly not a pile of secrets, ergo it cannot be a man PLATO

Why is Plato laying on the ground, and why does Diogenes look like a body builder?

You'd be in good shape from beating your meat in a barrel

Also all that searching for an honest man gets you swole when you're contorting your body to use as cups and shit along the way.

Because it's a spoof of the "think, Mark, think" meme from Invincible.

Also, ironically, Plato would've been the muscular one. ("Plato" was his wrestling nickname, given because of his broad shoulders.)

Because it’s a spoof of the “think, Mark, think” meme from Invincible.

Ah ok... it was just different enough that I didn't pick up the reference, so it just seemed weird.

That, and a pair of testicles

Wait, what? You guys got pairs??

"I need my Johnson!"

"What do you need that for, Dude?"

“The same thing you do. Your wife.”

A miserable pile of secrets.

Plato did also occasionally convince people of his arguments by challenging them to a boxing match.

In a barrel?

Did you mean: "Out in the open right in the middle of market square?"