Not in a patriarchal way of wanting more rights, but wanting to be them. When I see men who dress and act like old-timey gentlemen or see feminine men, I want to be like them.

When I picture my ideal self, I picture a taller, more scrawny-looking guy who's into alternative fashion.

Real quick question: how do you see yourself when you’re 80 years old?

With some very strong glasses and a mirror?

Everyone is scrawny when they’re bones.

You can become your ideal self with hormone relpacement therapy.

There are many active comms where you can get more specific information regarding how to go about recieving HRT, even if (and perhaps especially if) the prevailing authority in your area thinks it can control how you express yourself.

I'm not exactly trans myself, but I exceedingly enjoy seeing before and after pictures of people just looking very "meh" about life to being 18 billion kelvin rays of sunshine, rainbows, happiness and comfort. It's awesome and as a human bean, you deserve that.

The great part of that is that you can, with relatively little friction, dress that way. Well, depends on where you are in the world regarding friction. But in general, alt fashion is within bounds for someone AFAB, without any need to identify as anything but a woman, if that is how you identify.

Hell, depending on where you live, the various scenes can even be directly behind that style of idealized anachronistic dress. You'll see it even at some comic conventios, and definitely at sci-fi/fantasy gatherings, even in cities that it would otherwise draw attention as unusual. But in art districts and such, you'd fit right in more often than not.

Even if you don't live in that kind of place, it's amazing how little time it takes for people to just shrug atypical clothing and fashion off. Yeah, you'll run into issues with some specific styles, but on average, if you dress in that general genteel style, a few weeks go by, and folks just absorb it as your particular thing and ignore it.

Beyond that, if you are discovering your self and that self is a man, don't let the current environment dissuade you from picking up the parts of masculine presentation you're comfortable with. AFAB doesn't mean you have to be female any more. You can let the man inside you out.

Aside of the height thing (maybe?), most of that you can do now as-is, without expensive medical therapy.

And I say that based on what you posted. Obviously there may be more to it, and if there is that’s fine.

As with anything, start small and with the things you can do now; i.e. clothing and hairstyles. Work your way up.

From my own personal experience, starting small helps to build confidence when tackling the more complicated stuff. Plus you get the satisfaction of checking things off your list (if you’re into that sort of thing).

Anyway, you deserve everything you want, and I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

At the price, potentially of fertility.

Mods, please dont ban me for this statement. i am currently considering detransitioning and this is why. i am not a bigot

Be your best self, and if your best self presents more masculine, so be it. You can be cis, heterosexual, fully identify as female, and rock a masculine persona. Personally, I have a very weak spot for women like that, and I am far from alone. Don't let anything deter you from getting comfortable in your own skin.

I don't think that's a bigoted statement at all, quite the opposite in fact. If being a parent is that much more important then any part of your gender identity then you do what you have to do and people must respect that. It is still your own self expression and that's really what it's all about. It's a gosh darn human right.

is has been a long journey toward loving myself enough to conceive (pun intended) of life after deat

Your experience is valid. There are many things to consider in terms of transitioning.

Luckily OP hasn't even dipped their toes into anything yet. Experimenting with dressing differently is a pretty small step.

People don't even have to ever fully transition even if they like to express themselves differently. Experiment. Find what suits you.

Best of luck to you and your journey!

OP, I wonder if you'd like to start experimenting first with some more androgynous dress styles. You can find out what direction to go to best express yourself.

Somewhat-scrawny male contortionist build is real.

Wants to cross dress

Gets pointed to the hormone clinic

When I picture my ideal self, I picture a taller, more scrawny-looking guy who’s into alternative fashion.

They literally said they picture their ideal self as a guy, not as a woman dressed in men's clothing.

Hi Dingus!

Hello fellow dingus!

it’s amazing how little time it takes for people to just shrug atypical clothing and fashion off.

Just make sure you're in a private area before you shrug all your clothing off! ;-)

<3

🥚

If you can focus on that one word I sure you can read the thread I'm commenting on ;-)

You can transition if you want. They can't stop you.

just dress that way. Also, the egg culture in here is rampant

Funny, I always envy that women have so many choices for how they dress, and the fact they can dress like a man if they want and hardly anyone bats an eye. Men’s
Clothing is pants and a shirt. Want fancy? Pants, shirt and a jacket. Want to go wild? Add a vest, and make it all black and white. Booooriing. Women have so many more options. JMO. That said, go for it. A dapper style of dress still looks cool.

Oh look everyone, we can't talk about hormones now

With the exception that testosterone therapy likely will not make them any taller. There is rumored to be a growth spurt around the 40's, not sure if that's true.

Yeah, unfortunate. I think any growth after ~18-26 would most likely be due to a highly (expensive) nutritious diet.

Just for the style? You should re-evaluate if you are cis. I often kind of envy women, except for the periods, birth, and danger. But men culture is shitty, and so are their lives.

You are emotionaly defficient, treated as expendable (because you are, so you get sent to war), expected to not complain, and pull up for everyone else.

You also inherit your gender's crimes. You are looked at with suspicion from the start, and no one really wants you around unless you are exceptional.