hello

just got my neuropsychological evaluation results:

• level 1 asd
• turbo adhd
• eating disorder (more specifically, pica syndrome)

also a bunch of other things that aren't disorders themselves (neuroticism is the only one i can remember)

honestly, the primary feeling to me coming out of this diagnosis is "it's not my fault i'm a total mess". i thought the asd diagnosis would be more validating, but the fact that i'm in the 99 percentile in a lot of aspects of adhd really validates how i felt about this shit being really hard for me but easy for other people. it really flipped my perspective from "jfc i can't get my shit together" to "holy shit, how am i still alive and able to earn a living while living 1000 miles away from my family??"

i'm not gonna let this justifying not even trying to be better, but it makes me more assured that i am really trying my best, that failures will happen, and that i should be kind to myself and honest about my limitations

also, i bought a dishwasher and my depression has been cured. why wasn't i told about this before?

anyway, hello