Guys this is fake its an obviously edited photo of our good friend bigfoot.

Why would they lie to us like that?

local cryptid on its way to allow the rich to dump more money into politics

So that's what big foot really looks like.

Isn't there any investigative journalist who is able to ascertain Mitch's condition? Would be a good story to drop shortly before the midterms…

Wtf he's still missing?

Not missing. He dead.

Or at least suffering severe neurological trauma. If he was found unconscious a few hours after the event (either a stroke or a brain hemorrhage), there's a 100% chance that his head MRI has a large dark area where it shouldn't be. Nearly no one can return to a normal job after such an event - he's lucky if he can still speak and swallow.

Who would pay for such? It's cheaper (e.g. no health insurance payments) to spin yarns using LLM created text and video content.

People generally refuse to pay for news, so instead we get "news" mixed in with ads (which tbf is what we paid for).

So we didn't learn that he's an inter dimension animal.

That bigfoot original photo was from the 70s so this is accurate.

So he's shipwrecked on Gilligan's Island?

Darryl does not deserve this slander