Hey guys, I will try to make this short but it’s hard without giving full context. So I started talking to this guy roughly 1.5-2months ago, we initially met through a friend of a friend. We initially just did sexual stuff and then started talking more… over the time, I had been confused on what he wanted from me (relationship or not?). I’m gonna just put in dot jots of the things he has done through out that upset me and made me feel as if he didn’t care…

1. ⁠when we first started talking and going out more often or whatever we had went to the movies and then at the end of the night I just wanted a nice quick hug so I was joking around laughing and I told him come give me a hugggg get outttt the car, and he didn’t bother. He made a comment saying “this isn’t a movie” or whatever. And I ended up slowly walking back to my car and he rolled up his window as soon as I got inside and left. This was also before we were clear that we are dating for intention of being partners
2. ⁠mind you, I cut off my guy best friend irl and a long term gaming buddy I had for him, out of respect. So that also pisses me off that I feel disrespected by him and I did those things which I know is bare minimum and trust me, I don’t care to do those for someone I want to be with but for respect to not be reciprocated idk?
3. ⁠1-2 weeks before it was clear he wanted more, he made a “joke” or whatever he said he didn’t mean it that way where he texted me saying “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t be in a relationship because I’m not emotionally mature or wtv” and this because I told him that emotional maturity is a biggest thing I look for in a relationship
4. ⁠he used to joke around and call me “dumb” “bitch” or whatever (I guess not in a serious way like we’d be doing a game or whatever) and then I ended up telling him I don’t like it and I think it’s rude. I ended up now telling him like ok whatever it’s fine like if we’re gaming or whatever it is cuz I do sometimes would say it back now so it doesn’t affect me as much in certain situations only.
5. ⁠I feel like whenever I tell him about my feelings and things he does to upset me, he becomes combative. It’s like he starts making all these excuses. When I told him about everything he did, he started going one for one of why he did that, not even acknowledging how I’m feeling. It’s just like going back and forth with someone who doesn’t see what they did wrong, and he even says that he doesn’t know what he did and I need to tell him. Like it’s not that hard and I’m honestly tired of explaining
6. ⁠tonight, I picked up these items from Facebook from this girl after work (11:30 pm) and she left it on her porch. I told him I’m going to be quickly picking up some stuff and he was chill about it over text and just saying oh why now? And I’m like well it’s only 7-10 min from my work and on my way back home. I shared my location with him and then he said to FaceTime him when I get there. I FaceTimed him as soon as I grabbed the bag as I just saw the message, and I let him know that I got them and I’m safe. And then he says something along the lines “so why are you FaceTiming me?” I’m like “what? U told me to” and says well u already got them so why” and was just having an attitude. And then he basically was telling me “dumbass” for going at night to grab stuff off Facebook and whatever and saying stuff like “it’s like those dumb bitches who go into the woods at 2 am and then something happens and people wonder omg why?” … I got upset after this and it made me cry because I don’t get why u have to call me these words.

And tbh, I never was treated like this by someone who supposedly likes me and see’s a future with me. It makes me upset because I want it to work and I know he’s a great guy and has a great soul underneath but there’s this part of him he seriously needs to work on or I am just being too extra/dramatic (as he says). I told him he upset me a lot tonight and just basically says “omg everything I do is bad” “you are taking it too far”….

Idk guys. I really like him and I’m supposed to meet his mom soon who really wants to meet me, I’m just getting emotionally exhausted tbh. And it’s not good for me to feel this way because I don’t want to end up fully not caring. Because that’s how it usually goes.

You're both too young to be expecting anything out of this relationship. Neither of you know who you are or what is actually important to you.

He already told you what he is...jokingly....emotionally immature. He's more than that, though. He also sounds like a run-of-the-mill asshole.

Recommendation: Dump and move on. Seriously. You can do better, without even trying hard.

I know what I am and what I want. I’ve been in long term relationships and I know I am emotionally mature and ready. I just am feeling overwhelmed now.

This man does not respect you or have feelings for you. In my opinion, you should cease contact with him.

That’s what I feel sometimes :( but then claims that he does and he really likes me and that these words sometimes just slip out when he’s mad or upset. He just called me and said he’s sorry for saying these things but then basically still says how it’s dangerous of a woman to be getting stuff from Facebook at night and tells me that I always attack HIM. And that I always coming at him, it’s like it’s because YOURE the one starting these issues not me. He doesn’t fucking see it

He’s unlikely to see it at his age. When I was 23, I had zero clue that the things I said actually had emotional impacts on people. And if someone got upset after I said something I was genuinely baffled. Turns out I’m autistic, and it just didn’t compute for me. Now, in my 40s, I’m very conscious of how what I say impacts people. But that may just be learned behavior. I’m not sure I have any instinctual empathic sense in relation to how people hear words. I’m not saying this dude is autistic. He could just be wrapped up in himself and arrogant. Something to think about. But it’s highly unlikely he has some kind of epiphany in the near future, and suddenly internalizes and processes all the feedback you have given him, correctly.

Sorry I chuckled a bit at this, dark humour somehow idk why 😂 but yeah i think he needs some learning to do, lots of it lol. Also, could u pls upvote !

Why do you like him?

:( we vibe so good in person, genuinely. we connect easily and I love our hangouts so so much, seriously. It just sucks that the other side is this way (and most of our disagreements is always otp / online) and we end up talking about it in person, moving forward or whatever but now I’m just getting drained more and more.

Tell him very clearly that the way he speaks to you hurts your feelings and that that’s not a sort of relationship you want in your life. Then stop talking to him. Who knows? Maybe he will do some introspection and come to some realizations about how he comports himself.

Mind you, I was telling him that apologizing and telling me he likes me doesn’t mean anything when he keeps doing these stuff. And then he gets mad about it, lmao.

1. ⁠mind you, I cut off my guy best friend irl and a long term gaming buddy I had for him, out of respect.

I’m sorry, but shouldn’t do that. If he is so insecure that you can’t have male friends, he needs to grow the fuck and you need to find somebody else.

Other than that, he sounds like a genuine asshole. Calling you a “bitch” and dumb isn’t fun, at all. If I said something like that to my wife, even half-joking, she would rip me a new one. We can and often do joke and prank each other, but never in a degrading way.

These male friends I had been sexual with which is why, I also did it more because I felt it’s right. I know :( km so stuck on what to do but I’m giving him an ultimatum but I feel like such an idiot right now. No guy I’ve dated seriously ever treated me like this, but they were older. So more emotionally developed lol. But never had these issues and I know I am not the problem because why is this happening now?

He blames it because it’s just his vocabulary and that he says stuff all the time. And then he said to me that he’s changing and improving for me and that he has improved (and I will admit like he has made improvements) but then what he did tonight just threw it all away. And he says that it comes with time and I told him I ain’t gonna tolerate or wait any longer so either you move on and you change for real cuz this my last straw or that’s it

Well, he couldn’t even answer the ultimatum. Just wanted my to realize I’m at fault for “dismissing his feelings” tonight and not being nice 😂 told him I been nothing but nice and as nicer as anyone can be in the situation and then he said ok bye whatever basically

claims that he does and he really likes me and that these words sometimes just slip out when he’s mad or upset

idk intentional or not this is a common pattern of an abuser in a relationship, including you mention the lovebombing afterwards, and also the gaslighting and projection.

In my opinion (which doesn’t count as I’m just some stranger on the internet) you dodged a bullet.

Not at 23, kiddo. Your brain is still cooking. Your hormones are still running a lot of the show.