Link: https://www.wired.com/story/the-fbi-doubles-down-on-easing-bestiality-hiring-standards

“Why would you even get into bestiality?” he asked. “We’re not into bestiality,” said Patel.

In a further exchange, Patel explained to Senator John Kennedy, the Louisiana Republican, that previously, regulations had barred anyone who engaged in bestiality “on either side of it.”

“Either side of what, the bestiality?” asked Kennedy. “So you disqualified the animal?”

“We have great canines, but we’re not going to disqualify them,” said Patel.

What’s really funny here is that they could have said something like “we condensed the questions using screening questions. Instead of asking about specific, uncommon, convictions we ask if they’ve been convicted of anything. This is to make the process more efficient.”

Or whatever.

But now, no one is going to believe that’s why, and everyone’s going to believe cash got shagged by a horny goat.

So he fucked two dogs?

How do you start a fight between Kash Patel and JD Vance?

“Why would you even get into bestiality?” he asked. “We’re not into bestiality,” said Patel.

In a further exchange, Patel explained to Senator John Kennedy, the Louisiana Republican, that previously, regulations had barred anyone who engaged in bestiality “on either side of it.”

“Either side of what, the bestiality?” asked Kennedy. “So you disqualified the animal?”

“We have great canines, but we’re not going to disqualify them,” said Patel.

Is this real life or a god damn SNL skit? It reads like an SNL skit.

Or the weirdest Eiffel Tower.

The lunatics have taken over the asylum long ago.

You're all missing the bigger picture, with FBI agents being placed at polling stations they need this to - say it with me - RAT FUCK THE ELECTION!

If you watch the full thing they removed the restrictions for vicims according to Patel. Apparently someone was forced to engage in such acts against their will.

Honestly the US is so crazily stupid now. And that cones from someone who lived through Brexit and Boris Johnson as prime minister of the UK.

We are living in the stupidest timeline.

So they accommodated a very small minority of people? 🤔

Sounds woke

We are living in the stupidest timeline.

Careful, there's a 50/50 chance that every time somebody says that, the stupidest timeline gets stupider.

Maybe I shouldn't have quoted it.

I didn't say it was right or wrong

Just wait until you hear what he did to the family cat!

That wouldn’t have been as useful as a distraction from the Epstein files and/or various looting and power grabs going on.

he needs to take a hit of cocaine first to get him into the mood.

He does have resting just-got-his-junk-shredded-by-an-angry-cat face.

meowzers!

I just keep thinking Furry Bureau of Investigation.

The memories of those 'invading' horse cocks could explain his resting facial expression...

Scene opens on a group of new recruits wearing FBI uniforms.

Camera pans out, it's an animal shelter.

Camera pans out further, the man speaking is Kash Patel in a gimp suit.

Here at the "Friends of Beastiality Institute", we take not asking or telling very seriously, and my thing is definitely bleeeeep*

Scene cuts to disclaimer of no animals being hurt.

Disclaimer ends. As we return to the scene with the recruits, we see Kash zipping up his gimp suit.

"And that, my friends, was consensual."

Cut to dog wearing a bee suit and smoking a cigarette....

"live from New York, Kash fucks dogs!"

Allegedlys

Frat bros with weird initiation rituals now free to apply, Skull and Bones come on down.

Nah, it's the most corrupt & greedy timeline...maybe.

The stupid people in charge are a feature, not a bug.

No troops at polling places is a very important part of the constitution US code If the US government is going to use the FBI as a thumb, it should remember that a hand has 4 fingers.

are those the reptiles i heard so much about?

those arent exact quotes btw. you can find video of the whole thing. patel explains that his team told him that there have been applicants that were sex trafficked and forced to do some things that might count as sexual acts with animals. apparently that what he meant by being on the other side of beastialty.

I'm confused about what you expect to happen?

This is what happens when you elect a degenerate, he'll bring other degenerates to positions that they would never have gotten in a normal situation.

The answer he was getting to is just as crazy. There were so many trafficked victims who were also forced into beastiality that ALSO want to be in the FBI there grew a need to update the policy. Like....what?

Well, Yakko... that's a very Yakko thing to say.

Ask Wakko, he knows.

The applicant pool is so narrow we had to consider this limitation. It's sad applicants may have been forced to perform those acts either way though.

I deleted this part of my post...I can't help but think this is one guy who wasn't ever part of trafficking.

https://vger.to/infosec.pub/post/52412767

Very coy, good job. That would go over great on tiktok, but this is lemmy. You can just talk about attacking cops if you want, you get more points that way too :D

I never did before... but for the rest of my life, I will read "FBI" as "Furry Bureau of Investigation"

They hire the animals like horses etc? I don't believe this.

I attack with words, not fists or bullets.

Kash fucked a dog huh?…

Space Ghost: "So how was it working with Lassie?"

Triumph the Insult Dog: "If by worked with you mean 'banged up the ass,' it was great."

SG: "Whoa. You can say that on TV? Huh, well I, too, once banged a dog up the a-"

technical difficulties message

SG: "Well how was I supposed to know I couldn't say it?!"

... Moltar appears on-screen

"I thought I recognized you! We both were foced to hench for an obscure Canadian comedy group in 1997! How's it meltin', yo?"

I get that's what he's trying to say. But that still doesn't make sense to me. Because if someone was trafficked and forced to engage in those acts against their will, wouldn't that situation come up in whatever trial put that on their record? And if someone was in that circumstance, do they still get charged with beastiality despite the fact that it was completely non consensual on their part? That seems wrong to me. Especially if, as he also tried to imply, it happened when they were a minor. If that is the case, I think he should be pushing for the laws around that to get changed, rather than the FBI hiring guidelines.

But to me this whole thing reeks of a hastily thought up shitty excuse. Because even if it is actually the case, that minors who are trafficked and forced into beastiality against their will still face charges for it, how frequent is it that people in that very specific scenario are also actively applying to the FBI? And if it is one specific person they were trying to make exceptions for, why not make an exception specifically for that person instead of opening up the guidelines as a whole. It's just so stupid and incompetent. But what else can you expect from Kash Patel.

Yet refuse to say what you mean, something's clearly being lost in translation. Could you just sock it to me?

Hr is trying to say people who fucked animals during hazing rituals are victims.

Brem: I'm a psych major! Words are my weapons!

FBI Agent: I'm a FBI Agent. Weapons are my weapons.

Why would human trafficking victims be denied a job a the FBI? He is talking about trafficked individuals who were forced against their will into sexual acts with animals.

he’ll bring other degenerates to positions that they would never have gotten in a normal situation

If you truly believe victims are degenerates, you need to go work on yourself before sharing opinions on the internet.

Brem: now there's TWO of us!

Fuwwy BOwO of In-what'sthis?

How else could they hire more conservatives?

The body is talking about no longer barring trafficking victims who were forced against their will to perform sexual acts with animals. It's pretty obvious one should not bar the victim from a job.

The only 'not the onion' part of this article is the title which does not make the facts clear.

Even if they had legitimate reason for the remove the bestiality rules, what about soliciting sex? Surely theres no defense for that?