The book is Strong Female Character by Fern Brady. There have been several occasions in the past year where friends have asked me if I was autistic and my answer was typically, "probably not." I knew I shared certain traits with autistic friends but I thought it had to do with my anxiety problems.

By FieldExplores

Fern Brady was such an awesome contestant on Taskmaster. Crazy accent I gotta say though. Might have to check out the book.

For me it was Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robinson:

He led a very different life from me and yet I related to aspects pretty easily.

For me lurking on ADHD sub-reddits. I noticed a few people were giving advice that worked so well or made so much sense, that I looked at their profiles and saw they were heavy in autism communities.

Then I watched this 5 minute video and cried for 3 hours at how fucking seen I felt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTzUbe5hoI8

I made one autistic friend with a sensitivity profile similar to my own, then lived with a father & daughter (both diagnosed) with a very different profile to my own, and thru that realized that in certain ways, all of us were like peas in a pod. And then I realized many of my friends are in the same orbit.

I keep having this feeling of “this ADHD/autism/asshole thing is so relatable” and dreading the day I finally spin the wheel and see where I actually land.

Several friends are neuro-spicy. Describing my perspective of things often got a response of how that similar to masking behaviors, or just outright "one of us." But of course i was like, no everyone's like that. Then i started going to therapy for other reasons, and therapist is like, "you have a lot of markers for adult add, would you like to do an assessment?" Yall ive been rawdogging add my whole life.

This similar loop for me also led to something I had been overlooking; interacting with "my people" was more than just relaxing a mask, I was missing how restorative it was to interact with them.

I know I blurt things out and interrupt and have built procedures to moderate that. Then when I see a specific sibling and we both get so excited we are almost shouting, interrupting one another, and finishing each-others sentences it feels good to be able to live life for that moment in my "natural state".

It can be hard, for me just hearing someone read so many descriptions of my inner-workings made me feel the full spectrum; "finally an answer", "how did I miss this?", "would life have made more sense?", "is this a disability?"

There are many parts though that were comforting. In my work-role, 2 people are neurodiverse (a term I am still working through). The struggles we shared were obvious from the get go. Eventually I recognized that we were all also very good at this specific role. I think the bulk of the office just thinks we are quirky people who love this work (I don't).

Not that we are the best or have "super-powers". However, the pattern-matching, drive associated with novelty and urgency, being able to hear every sound in the world. A lot of the things that seem to only be impediments for a happy life have also in hindsight been strengths without which I can't image getting to where I am, even if I am not anywhere particularly spectacular.