Even the last one is on point.

Especially the last one.

This is how I deal with people that approach me in seedy parts of town - Beggars, pushers, women of the night and random weirdos.

I always match a customer’s energy right back at them. I love it when a really rude customer asks where another department is, because we have massive fucking signs you could see from a mile away clearly labeling where every department is. They’re huge, bold, and have lights shining on them. The most obvious signage ever. Anyway, any time a rude customer asks, I always get a little excited to get to say something around the lines of “see the massive brown sign that says “bakery” on it? Yeah, that’s the bakery.” Or “if you’ll turn your head slightly to the left, you’ll notice a huge red sign that says “meat” on it. That’s where you’ll find the meat.”

Of course, if the customer is nice, I’ll always be as helpful as I can be, and skip the attitude. But sometimes it’s fun to do that to the rude customers. Someone else I work with doesn’t even try to help the rude ones, and will just be like “well did you actually look? I saw you come straight over here. I obviously don’t have that. Maybe open your eyes and try to find it yourself instead of relying on someone else to look for you.” Again, only to the rude ones. If they’re nice (or even neutral) there’s no attitude, just a direct answer.

Having worked retail myself I always try to be a nice customer. But I'm sure we've all had the experience of walking into our old familiar store with its big bright signs, and suddenly everything has been rearranged except the signs. It doesn't excuse rudeness of course, I'm just taking this opportunity to gripe about it. We all know it's just stupid management trying to get us to buy new products or not notice other enshittification in our confusion. And it's hell for the employees.

The Fae: Fuck! They're catching on!

Hi. Signs can be in many different places, don't always look like signs, and there's typically a lot of surface area that signs may be on.

Or on the other fucking side of the establishment.

My favorite are the temporary, handwritten signs that look like they're 5 years old. Had this happen where, the first time I went to this store in a mall, there were 3 or 4 people standing around in what I would not describe as a queue, walked past them and opened the door, was told to wait outside until someone could help me, actually noticed the sign, then correctly assumed the mass of people outside were also waiting their turn.

You forgot "they'll slowly drain your life essence and reduce your lifespan".