In case you want to read all that shit:
https://web.archive.org/web/20260923175422/https://oliviahowell.substack.com/p/we-need-to-talk-about-weaponized

Is this about men sitting on the pot for too long? One sec.

Edit: Confirmed.

I've known some dudes who treat their ablutions this way. They happen to be emotionally abused, and it's the only peace they get all day. Now I'm not saying the writer abuses their spouse, but it is weird that this is the biggest fish they need to fry in 2026.

Bonus edit: who calls their spouse "basement husband" or "garage husband"? That's almost as weird as if I called her my "kitchen wife". Which is still weirder, but only because I do all the cooking.

I'm generally not the type to start or escalate confrontations in a relationship, but if my SO told me I needed to poop faster I would tell them to fuck right off. Equity is a great goal in general but if you're thinking about it to the point that you're timing my bowel movements then you've completely lost the plot.

Aww, I thought it was going to be about eating the smelliest foods you could and timing it so someone had to use the restroom after you.

Yeah that's more my style. Hot sauce and cauliflower, bucket of air popped and we're talking birthday cakes, the can gets totally smoked out so hard you feel bad for the extractor fan.

IT Crowd anti piracy warning comes to mind.

Oh GOOOOOOOOD, FOR YOU!

Whenever it happens, I hope your death is EXTREMELY painful and as slow as possible

Yeah this reeks of running out of real things to complain about. Or maybe this is just deliberate outrage farming either way.

I'm sure it is rage bait. I still haven't really adapted to the fact that that's a thing.

No, thanks 😊

I have recently begun to shit exclusively at Chipotle if I'm on the road.

They give so many people the shits, I thought it would be nice to give back.

I don't buy any food of course. I'm just here to punish the toilet, thanks.

Thanks i did want to read it.

I've heard that nurses and other healthcare workers are also policed about how often / how long they use the bathroom.

People are overworked and squeezed yo. I know that relationships also have power dynamics but it sucks that people are so overworked they don't even get to poop in peace at home

As a former camp counselor, this doesn't sound strange to me at all:

“Hey, I’m going to run to the bathroom.”

Sometimes I would actually say, “Do you mind if I go to the bathroom?”

As if I were leaving the premises. As if using the toilet required some kind of handoff. As if, before I could attend to one of my own most basic bodily needs, I first needed to make sure everyone understood that for the next few minutes, I might not be available.

It sounds deranged when I write it down. I was an adult woman asking another adult whether he minded if I used a toilet in my own home. But of course I wasn’t really asking for permission to pee. I was announcing a transfer of command.

Not only do we ask our coworkers this, we also have all kinds of staff games to normalize talking about poop with coworkers, because to take care of children effectively, we need to be staggering poop times and keeping our guts healthy, and solving problems as a team.

It is amazing to me that parents wouldn't also have this level of teamwork.

I think what it's referring to is going to the toilet for hours, with your phone. And from a health perspective, it shouldn't take you long to poop, my buddy you gotta look after your bumhole.

I'm sure "hours" is an exaggeration

Dunno about the article, but it is a thing