Good one. I'm going to do that next time.

his fitbit was his wingman

My watch's heart rate reader broke, and before I disabled it, it would wake me up at 3am to tell me my heart had stopped. Nothing gets your heart going like finding out you're dead, funnily enough.

In the first year of dating my spouse, they took off their pants and I got a nosebleed. It HAD to be a coincidence because that’s never happened to me before AND I had seen their magnificent bod many times before that… it felt very gay anime moment.

Can you preprogram a watch to do that? Like set a timer and impress the other person who thinks it's real

Probably, but I don't think you should

Ooh yeah. Lies are always a great way to begin relationships.

You could with a Garmin if you made a custom app. Probably with others too.

Even at that resolution we can all see why his heart reacted

Most modern smartwatches have heartrate monitoring. So you could probably set some kind of alert if your heartrate goes above a certain threshold. If you set the threshold low enough, you should be able to trigger the alert on cue.

"your eyes are like stars"

"Not as bright, but as far apart from each other."

My Garmin complained about this all the time. When it constantly beeped in class one day, I just turned it off.

Well, I know my Garmin instinct has that function, annoyingly.

"and no I didn't go to any PANSY DOCTOR about it. First it says I'm too fast, then I'm too slow, what even does arrhythmia mean???"

Nah, believe in the magic. Arousal increases blood pressure, which increases the risk of nose bleeds, and sure there were probably other factors but the point is there's ALWAYS other factors so it was definitely the situation and no one can prove otherwise

I meant faking the alert.

"An unhandled error has occurred... in your pants."

"I'm a drummer, I have fantastic rhythm!"

Your sinuses are lined with erectile tissue thats triggered by the same chemical flood as triggers penile engorgement, so its genuinely possible they are related, if you had some sort of thinned skin or abrasion or something up there that got… changed, i guess? Moved or filled with blood under pressure causing leakage or whatever.

Awwwww, that is so wholesome 🥹

So cute

😭

What if they’re just trying to fuck, and not start a relationship?

Oh yeah. I mean if all you're doing is trying to get something out of someone else then sure, lying is just the bees knees.

Eh, I'll probably die of some legal drug addiction anyway.

what if your heart actually did stop until you looked at the watch... infinite revive glitch discovered

This, but in a high-stakes international undercover spy setting.

A buddy recounted how his smartwatch would tally high step counts on evenings he was home alone...

Gets up from sitting position, thinking about what moment might be right

Watch: BEEP Abnormal heart rate detected! Summoning emergency services!

Date: Wow he's pretty out of shape, I hope he doesn't ask me to ride in the ambulance with him